Noobz Page #5

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It's gonna match your face!

- Bring your ball sack!

- So either you wrote down

the wrong word...

[screaming] Start the car!

Start the car!

- Whoa! Is that Cody?

- [shouting]

- Start the car!

- Get in the car!

Cody, what are you doing?!

Come on, get in the car!

Get your feet in!

- [Cody shouting]

- Get your feet in!

[all shouting]

Oh, my God! Just go!

- Making friends again, Cody?

- [shouting]

- Dude, what happened in there?

- Oh, my God, man! Oh!

It's like this little girl's

freaking mom shocked me

and sprayed me, b*tch!

Why would she do that?

I just... We were hugging, man!

It was just like...

You were hugging a little girl?

Shut up, man!

It wasn't like that, you idiot!

- That's a new low.

- I know you're in pain, bro,

but there's no reason

to go gay bashing, all right?

You're a pedophile.

- What is a gay basher?

- He's gay bashing.

'Cause he's yelling at me?

That's gay bashing?

- I'm not gay!

- [Cody shouting]

[rock music plays]

I can't see anything.

What does his license plate say?

- It says "bug killer."

- There's a license plate?

- This is it, man.

- What if he's like

a pesticide guy, man?

Yeah, a pesticide guy, man,

with a Porsche

and a big-ass house.

And a two-million dollar house.

Come on.

You figure it out.

I can't see a house either.

- Well, you know what...

- Yo, yo. Somebody's coming

out of the house.

- [Cody] Oh, God!

- [Oliver] Is that him?

- [Andy] That's Hollywood, bro.

- [Oliver] That's him.

- We got it, we got it come on!

- Where are you...?

- Hollywood!

- Hey, hey! Get off of me, man!

Yes, man, this is awesome, bro.

You packed?

- Do we really have to have

dinner with your wife?

- What?

That's the dude

from Starship Troopers.

- Hollywood...

- Hey, back off.

You need to get a life.

That movie was 15 years ago.

Now get off my property.

Unless you got $30,

then I'll sign an autograph.

I just wanted to let you know,

real quick,

you are even more

handsome in real life.

All right, look, I got a

standing restraining order

against your kind.

- So back off.

- Dude, it's me! Pr3daTurD,

RumPull4Skinz, Fraggett.

- Dude, video games to the neck.

- I don't know you,

and if those are your nicknames,

you need to back off

five more feet.

Wait a minute, man,

we've been playing games

with you for three years.

You're Hollywood,

we're here at this address,

see you, it's your car,

your dumb-ass license plate.

[laughs] You're talking

about Julie's kid.

Who is Julie

and who is her kid?

Julie's my girlfriend,

and her kid is this kid

that plays video games

all night talking to himself,

or maybe he's talking to you

idiots, I don't know.

- Makes sense now.

- I'm gonna kill you, man.

Hey, at least he was telling

half the truth.

I mean, it's Casper...

He isn't telling us anything,

man! You made us drive out here!

Why don't you go in

and find out? Go ahead.

Ring the doorbell.

Look, let's go see,

maybe the kid's a big...

- He's awesome.

- On a side note,

I gotta tell you,

you are aging just wonderfully.

Come on, Fraggett.

Hm... pretty cute.

- Don't, don't, no, no, no!

- Don't, don't what?

Let's just get in the car

and go. Let's go.

What are we here for?

What are we here, with that?

Let's get out of here.

We don't even know what's

on the other side of the door.

I actually agree with him.

We can find somebody

at the tournament to take

his spot. Not a big deal.

It is a big deal.

No one knows our game plan, bro.

No one like Hollywood, right?

So, kid or not,

we need the money,

we all need to be there.

You don't even know what's

on the other side of that door.

We don't, but we know

there's a good player behind

the other side of that door.

Yeah, I'm with him for once.

I think we should just go.

- Yeah, we should get going.

- Let's just go. Thank you.

- Oh, oops! I did it!

- [doorbell rings]

Sorry, I rang the bell.

Come on, we gotta wait and see.

I'm curious now at least.

- What's up, fellas?

- Are you happy? He's dying.

- Let's go.

- Wait, come on.

That's a little extreme.

He's not dying.

- Cody, I'm cool.

- He's cool.

He's not dying, he's cool.

Come on in, my brothers.

Let's go, I got some...

I got some stuff for you.

He invited us in, dude. Come on.

Voila!

Here's to the Reign Clan.

Cheers.

Cheers.

- I don't like mac and cheese.

- You just have this.

It keeps you nice and strong.

And you are a Hollywood actor.

Was an actor.

What is it you do, like, now?

He works nights in the shipyard.

I'm sorry, isn't Utah

a landlocked state, though?

No, Oliver, he probably wears

all that cologne in case,

you know, you get lost

at the shipyard at night. Right?

I don't like that he works

seven nights a week,

but it's his passion.

And besides, I have

a wonderful dildo.

- [coughs]

- [laughs]

How long have you been together?

Almost five years, right,

Casper? Cheers, my darling.

Are you, um... are you guys

getting all excited about

your little watchamacallit

competition?

Oh, Miss T, it's not a little

competition, it's the biggest

online gaming tournament

in the world.

Little man could come back

with $100,000.

Well, you know, it's not

really the money that

we're concerned about.

Wait a minute.

I mean, obviously you got

a nice house.

But money's not

important at all?

[laughs] Clarence's a**hole

daddy dropped a big wad on us

when he dumped us in Vegas.

- Big wad.

- Uh...

Clarence's a**hole daddy

dropped a big wad on her.

- I know.

- I get it, dude.

You're popping the little dude's

mom. You sly dog, man.

I mean, I'm not with you

on your choice of chicks,

but I feel you.

- Give it up. Go ahead.

- [Andy] So...

...what did you do in Las Vegas?

I was a cocktail waitress

at the Sun Desert Hotel.

That was when I got pregnant

with Clarence.

So, uh, what's going on with

that, Hollywood? Are you OK?

Oh, yeah. I just

have this rare form of asthma

when I get nervous or excited,

you know, I could have

an asthma attack

that could...

that could kill me.

But, um, I have to have

the tanks with me all the time.

Thanks for the babysitting

thing you got me into.

It's all good, my brother.

You know?

Hollywood's still macking chicks

on the reg.

Honey, I gotta get out of here.

Good night, my prince.

Oh...

Guys... Mom.

Um, not in front of the boy.

Mom, your tits

are in my face.

- Lucky you.

- OK.

- You know, we should get going.

- We should get going.

- You wanna play

that tournament?

- You know what?

We should get going.

- We got a long trip.

- I'm gonna miss you, honey.

- Oh, baby, be careful.

- Come on, Mom.

- Not in front of my homies.

- Oh, I just don't want you

to die before you're 18

'cause your dad will cut off

child support.

- I know, you told me.

- I love you, baby.

Give Mommy a little hit.

Don't waste it, I need it.

- That was huge.

- Now just a little kiss.

- A little one.

- OK. Bye, Mom.

OK, get in.

Get you in. OK.

Hands, hands.

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