Noobz Page #6

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I'm trusting you

with my baby.

It's one of my best treasures.

Even more than my toe rings.

And you should

bring him back alive.

Look, lady, I'd love

to take care of your it,

but we're driving

all the way to LA.

So I expect to be drunk

and knee-deep in midgets

and hookers by, what, noon?

This guy is who you want

to take care of your kid.

- You...

- I got him, Miss T. I got him.

Clarence, wear a condom.

- Wear two condoms!

- Don't worry, I've been tested!

- One can break.

- I've been tested.

You never know!

You never know!

Have them by your bedside!

Wear at least one! Bye!

You're one of my

best treasures!

Clarence!

Be careful!

- Traveling alone, sir?

- Why?

- Looking for a date, big mama?

- I think you're a little too

young to be traveling alone.

Oh, you're one of those,

aren't you?

- I beg your pardon?

- I thought we was

past this stuff.

Especially since we now have a

black president of the Divided

States of America.

- I'm sorry, sir. It's just...

- Short and black? Huh?

- You from Mississippi?

- No, Wyoming.

Let me guess. You must have

a chart in that computer

- labeled

"the Rosa Parks section."

- No...

I guess the next thing you're

gonna tell me is I have to sit

in the back of the plane too!

- No...

- This airline

is racially profiling!

I will not get my last wish

from the foundation for my

terminally ill disease

'cause of the color of my skin

is going to keep me

from getting on this plane!

You're all set, sir.

Gate C-42.

And thank you

for riding Deeznuhtz.

Exactly.

I'm from Wyoming.

- [hip-hop plays]

- It's not your hate

for the player

Or your hate for the game

You just hate the high score

When it's next to my name

OG, original gamer

OG, original gamer

Bring your best game

controller, bring some

extra men

Bring a book of cheat codes

But I'm still gonna win

OG, original gamer

[Oliver] If you had gone with

me, then it wouldn't

be spelled wrong.

[Andy] But wait, I don't

understand how anyone...

[Clarence] Guys, I think

it's breastfeeding time.

- Hi.

- Whoa, man.

[indistinct chatter]

You're not usually good

at catching stuff.

Except for STDs.

- [laughing]

- Wait, guys!

Guys, huddle up. Come on.

Come on, come on, huddle up.

This is it, bro.

All right? When we walk

through those doors,

we are gonna carry ourselves

as Gears of War champions.

Nothing more, nothing less, man.

We're gonna do it!

- Today's just registration.

- Shut up, Hollywood!

All right, listen.

For the next two days,

we're gonna be teaming up

against dudes

we are gonna spank.

We're gonna do this,

we're champions,

we're gonna win $100,000

a piece, that is.

- Amen to that.

- Let's do this!

Let's get some ass!

[shouting]

[hip-hop plays]

Guys! Guys, I'm...

Is this what we gotta

deal with all weekend?

- We might wanna help him.

- [grunting] Oh, sh*t!

You're turning violet, Violet.

Ooh! Willy Wonka,

that was nice.

- Wasn't it, though?

- Little bit of help, idiots!

What are you doing, man?

Push the down button!

Let him down. I got you.

Oliver, that's what you've been

waiting for your whole life.

Why are you judging me?

Don't judge me. We helped him.

- Guys!

- Let's get him up.

- Thanks, guys.

- I smell nuts!

I got you.

- [hip-hop plays]

- [indistinct chatter]

- Watch out. Sorry.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Move out of the way.

Hope you got

my papers in there.

Funny. Team name?

Black Assassins.

All right.

Four. There you go.

Good luck at the

tournament, boys.

- You too, sir.

- Yeah.

Old Gramps here has been lying

to us for over two years,

saying he's only a couple

of years older than us.

Yeah, whatever.

Come on, Gramps.

Excuse me. Out the way.

- You're wearing glasses.

- Yo, Chomama.

- Look at these chumps.

- Now what do we have here?

I don't know, what?

Bebe's Kids?

I got your Bebe Kids

right here.

And I bet it's the size

of a baby's too.

- Score!

- Face.

You chumps ready to fall in

front of the whole world?

Why don't you just wait and see.

OK? We didn't want to give

you guys our game plan,

but we got some secrets we

haven't even shown you yet.

So...

Like what? You got a scuba diver

who's gonna wave his way

into the game?

- [laughter]

- No, that wouldn't

be a scuba diver.

This would be Hollywood,

the famous actor.

The dude from Starship Troopers?

In the flesh.

You want his autograph?

- Hell no.

- What's up with Old Man Winter?

Yeah, we got one

in the woodpile, too.

We gotta get a handle on knowing

who's on the other side of the

controller.

Yeah, for once,

I agree with you.

Well, ladies, we'd love

to stay and chat,

but we gotta do an interview,

so peace,

hair grease and deuces.

Someone should ask him if his

mother didn't love him enough.

Mm-mm. I'm not touching

that one again.

Touch? What are you gonna touch?

What's that supposed to mean?

- [elevator dings]

- [pop music plays]

Come on, and open the door.

[muffled music plays

on headphones]

Yeah, I don't need you anyway.

Watch it! Joe Dirt!

Yo, bro.

[clears throat]

What is this, a line?

[babbling] Is this a line?

- Hey!

- Hey, man, how's it going?

Hey!

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Greg?

- What?

Is this the Greg

"Armagreggon" Lipstein?

- Ha. Yeah, man.

- [laughs] Look at you!

- You look great!

- [laughs] OK.

- Just like I remember.

- Huh?

- All right.

- Yeah, listen.

- It's me!

- Look, it's good, man.

I don't wanna sign anything.

I gotta get in line here

and do this thing, so...

No, no, no! It's me!

It's me, Martin Wilson.

- Your old referee.

- Martin.

- Wilson.

- Wilson.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Yeah... [laughs]

- OK.

- So, hey, gonna be playing

in the Gears tourney?

Oh, no, man.

I'm, you know, I'm...

I'm not in that thumb crap.

No, man.

I got an old score to settle

in coin-op, so...

Oh! Frogger!

- Yeah.

- [laughs]

- Frogger.

- Oh, boy!

You betcha! This is gonna be the

best championship in years!

- Right on.

- But Greg, you, my friend,

are in the wrong line.

Coin-operated tournament signups

are over here. Come on.

Follow me.

Yeah, well, I must be

in the wrong line then.

- Right here.

- OK.

Greg, this is Molly.

- And Molly's gonna

get you signed up.

- Hey, Molly.

So... just gotta tell you,

it was great running into you.

And I really look forward

to watching you play again.

- Huh?

- OK.

I gotta go take care

of some... qualifying stuff

with the actual competition.

But listen.

I'm also gonna be there

at yours as well. So

I'm gonna see you soon, huh?

- Yeah. OK.

- Alrighty! Good to see you.

- OK.

- Have fun.

Your name, son?

- Armagreggon.

- What?

- Armagreggon!

- Arm & Hammer?

- No, it's...

- Just your name, son.

That's all I need.

- Just your name.

- Greg.

- Glen.

- Yeah.

- It's Glen.

- Alrighty.

There you go.

And inside this file

is your schedule and the coupon

for the buffet.

Good luck, Frank.

[Cody] We just registered

for Cyber Bowl.

You talked me into it.

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