Not Cool Page #7

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Hey, does this shirt say, like,

"I don't want to be here,

and I don't give a f***"?

Yeah.

Awesome, perfect.

You can come if you want to.

Really?

All right,

I love engagement parties.

All right, let's not make me

regret f***ing you.

Hey, I was thinking about it.

Me and you should go

on a road trip.

What, like, over Christmas?

No, like, this week.

I have classes on Monday.

Well, then you can

just skip them.

I can't,

and I don't want to.

Come on, we can go somewhere

awesome, you know, like...

Kentucky.

You know, you're allowed

to have sex with your dog there.

That sounds fantastic,

But didn't you just tell me

That you were, like,

flunking out of school?

I don't really want

to go back anyways.

What are you talking about?

I just want to stay here,

you know?

Why am I gonna go back?

I mean, we've got all this

random sh*t in your trunk

That we can play with.

We could have sex

in parking lots every night.

Okay, yeah,

I really can't tell

If you're being serious

or not right now.

Dead.

No.

Come on, you already forget

about the f*** it list?

Let go a little.

Wow, you completely

misinterpreted

The entire purpose

of that exercise.

All I'm saying is that I want

to hang out with you more.

So why is that so bad?

You were supposed to take

lessons from the list

And apply them to

your new life in New York.

You're supposed

to kick ass in school

And meet new people

And have all

these great experiences.

You're not supposed to retreat

Back to whatever

is easy for you.

Come on.

You weren't that easy.

Really, dude?

Come on, I was kidding.

No, it's...

You know what, it's fine.

It's fine.

Can we not end on a fight?

We're not having a fight.

Just, like, chill out.

I just have to get back,

So just tell me

how to get to your house.

Why?

I thought we were going

to your house for the party.

I... Yeah, I got to check

and make sure that's cool.

You can just take route 28.

Okay.

Well,

that's the last one, boss.

That's it, huh?

Well, I suppose we should go

Before crackheads

and hookers move in.

Too late.

Hey, you made it.

So...

how was your night?

Did you kiss any dudes

And then run away crying

and leaving them stranded

With a shitty two-Person band

To talk about that one time

they almost got signed?

Joel, I like you.

Could have fooled me.

As a friend.

Oh, perfect.

I'm sorry I don't

like you more than that.

I wish I did.

Unfortunately for me,

I'm attracted to muscular,

More conventionally

attractive men.

That's not nice.

Why are you saying...

Is this supposed to be

making me feel better?

I almost slept with you

last night.

Again, not making me

feel better.

Joel, I wanted you

to be my friend.

I'm not like you.

I don't have anyone

to talk to.

What?

What are you talking about?

You're, like, you.

You're super popular.

Yeah, with people

I'm never going to talk to

Once I graduate.

Mandy, Stacy, and lacy

are totes retar.

My brother's

a self-Absorbed a**hole.

Even my dad prefers

talking to you over me.

I feel comfortable

around you, Joel.

You listen to me,

and for some reason,

You like me for who I am.

I didn't want

to throw that all away

By having meaningless sex.

Am I making sense?

Thank you.

I felt so bad.

I'm sorry I abandoned you.

It's okay.

To be fair,

you warned me ahead of time

That you weren't interested.

Well, you were pretty hard

to discourage.

I know.

I guess I just wanted

my first time

To be with someone special.

First time?

No.

I mean my 17th time.

I wanted my 17th time

to be with someone special,

Because that's...

That's my lucky number.

That, and 69,

Because of... oral sex.

That's not how you do it.

Please don't tell anyone.

What about your tumblr?

I made that up.

Only b*obs I've ever seen

are my mom's.

Joel!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry; That's not funny.

No, it is.

My mom's titties are hilarious.

Well, lucky for you,

we're friends now.

Whew, should we get bracelets?

I was thinking

I'd get you laid.

Friends don't let friends

stay virgins,

And I happen to know a trio

Of overly promiscuous,

easily impressionable ladies.

So you're just going

to pimp them out?

Really?

Yes.

Okay, I can live with that.

Oh, Joel-Ski.

Oh, Janie.

Ah!

Sorry.

I didn't... Okay.

Ugh, at least turn off

your send receipt feature.

I mean, come on!

Hey, aren't you supposed

To be at shareef's

crazy rager tonight?

Yeah, I know sh*t.

Nah, I'm not in the mood.

Ah, come on.

Go on out and have some fun.

Just don't do Maria.

Who?

Maria.

It's molly.

Little bit of chili,

Little bit of cayenne pepper.

Muy Caliente.

I told you I know sh*t.

Chug, chug, chug,

chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Tori the whorie?

Don't call her that.

I cannot believe

you had sex with her.

What the f***!

Ooh.

Her?

You're telling me

that you had sex

With that butter-Everything?

Did somebody say, "butter"?

What, are you crazy?

Hey!

Mental illness

is nothing to laugh at.

It's personal!

That was f***ing awesome!

Heather, stop.

Yeah, you better run, b*tch!

I didn't have sex with her.

You didn't?

Oh, Scotty,

I missed you so much.

For reals, boo.

Let's go back

to the way things were.

I'm not afraid to beat

the sh*t out of you, either,

Megatron.

Oh, Stan,

thank you for coming.

Stan the man.

Zack, how nice of you

to join us.

Zack attack.

Jennifer,

did you lose weight?

No, no, she didn't.

Whoo.

So you really think

Janie's gonna hook it up?

Hell yeah.

She gave me her word.

Finally gonna get to...

see some areolas

Ugh.

What, is it Scott again?

Yeah, he's at shareef's.

He just wanted to let me know.

So, what, you're just

gonna ignore him?

After I go back

to school tomorrow,

It's gonna be like this weekend

never even happened.

You are a f***ing idiot.

You actually like him.

And I don't know

if you know this,

But you hate everyone,

Like, everyone.

You hate my grandma,

And she baked you

a birthday cake,

And she has alzheimer's.

Ow!

Who's that?

Joel, I got to go.

All right, bye, b*tch.

Dad turned my room

into a gym.

Oh, I thought you were

setting up a trap to kill me.

Wow, I actually never

thought about doing that.

Weird.

So, why did you leave

your engagement party?

Did everyone get

explosive diarrhea

And have to go home?

No, why would that happen?

Uh, I don't know.

I mean, big punchbowl,

no one guarding it.

Things happen.

No, I just needed a break.

I mean, I love the family,

But sometimes

they drive me crazy.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

Oh, my god, I related to

a solid half of that statement.

So why aren't you

at shareef's party?

Wait, how do you even

know about that?

Sixth sense.

Don't you mean, like,

a fifth...

You know, never mind.

Too easy.

I mean, you know

that Scott likes you.

Well, you know,

that's too bad,

Because I don't like him.

Yes, you are full of sh*t.

Okay, fine, I like him.

But you know what?

It's complicated.

He's complicated.

Actually, you know what,

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