Not Suitable for Children Page #5

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Yeah.

Are you sure?

Two weeks ago

you didn't even want a kid.

And now...

I know it's insane.

I keep asking myself that.

But then I break it down.

A stay-at-home dad, this house...

I love this house. You know that.

Freedom, but with a family.

Seriously, I think it's a good deal.

I mean, I don't even think I believe

in the whole love,

marriage, babies thing.

But this, you and me

having a kid as an arrangement,

I think it could be kind of genius.

What are you...

Oh, no! What?!

Oh, we're not doing it natural.

It said very clearly 'artificial'.

Artificial?

Yeah.

That'll be good.

Don't we need a few of them?

How many times do we...

Hey, do we re-use it?

It'll be fine.

And we'll supplement that

with Monday and Wednesday.

And Thursday...for luck.

And so do I, like, deliver it in my room

and transport it to yours or...

No, I'm not attempting this

with Gus just outside the door.

We can lock it.

It said very clearly 'off-site'.

Did you actually read a single word?

So not here?

It looks expensive.

It's cheap.

For four nights, but.

It's cheap as sh*t, Jonah.

What's the bowl for?

Well, you deliver into the bowl.

You can't go directly

into the syringe, Jonah.

N...

Right.

Yep. yep-

Ooh, it probably won't be that much

and it's probably gonna

be thicker than that.

This is for practice, Jonah.

Yep.

Yep.

So you deliver into the bowl.

Now, do you want to be

the one to draw it up

or would you prefer

to bring it out to me?

No, I'll...I'll do it.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Right, easy.

Ohh!

Did you do that on purpose?

No, this syringe,

it's just... It's f***ed!

Get over yourself.

F***.

What if we squeezed

all the toilet-cleaning gel

out of this and just...

It's a four-day window.

We've just missed the first day.

F***! That's a whole...

quarter of the time.

I'm just gonna put

something out there

and I totally expect you to say no,

but I'm gonna put it

out there anyway.

# All I want

# Is food and air

and shelter and water

# And you

# You and your mammalian

locomotions

# I know you are my love

# Mammalian locomotions.

You wanna just sit

and talk for a bit?

Uh, about...about what?

Small talk.

Um, how about a massage?

I could give you a massage.

I don't like massages.

I'm good at them.

I just don't like them.

What if I went into the bathroom

and got myself ready,

you get ready out here

and then when I'm right on the verge,

I'll just come out

and, you know, quick.

Can we just try it normal?

Yep. yep-

Jesus, so many pillows!

Are you in yet?

No, I'm just...

Um, you... Are you good?

Yeah, thanks, I'm alright.

This is tight.

Um, so OK...

Ohh!

Arggh! Jonah, ow!

Oh, my nose!

Ow!

Ow.

Can you have a look? Am I bleeding?

No, no, you're fine.

Um...

Sorry.

So from now?

Uh, yeah. Yep.

Yeah, if you're...

OK.

Um...

Uh, including kissing?

Oh, maybe no kissing.

Um...

If we just...

Yeah.

Sorry, sorry.

So, you know... Ooh, ooh!

Oh, just...

Oh, sorry. No.

Too full-on?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's fine. It was good.

Sorry, um...

I was just looking the other way.

Maybe we should try a slow grade-up,

maybe take it from 1 to 10 slowly.

OK, what's one?

Um...

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

OK, two?

Uh, three.

Oh...

Yeah.

Oh, oh...

Ohh, ohh...

I'm sorry.

Say something.

After-dinner mint?

Well, I don't mind if I do.

Hey. Hi.

4:
00 - pick up ice.

No, no, no, no.

You're looking at the column.

You gotta look at the row.

It's the Cantzi row.

Sorry.

Where you going?

Just gonna run over stuff

with DJ Sanz.

I think Gus is

getting suspicious.

Yeah.

I was thinking,

like, um, a projector.

Yeah.

Yeah?

So we film the dance floor,

but then we can project it

on the outside wall.

We could write

our own messages in there...

Scrolling across the bottom.

And/or a band.

I could try

some of my music contacts.

What? Really?

Music contacts?

I know the drummer

of Fait Accompli.

She just made that up.

Hey!

What?

Google them and you'll find them

and they're rad.

If we wanted lame, underground,

daggy, '90s hip-hop bands

then we would come to you,

but if we're not,

if we want something cool...

Big Papa, he's not daggy.

"He's not daggy"?

He's not daggy.

Um...

He's not daggy.

What do you think, Gus?

Sounds f***ing awesome.

Awesome!

I love the projector.

# Windmill, windmill

for the land

# Turn forever, hand in hand

# Take it all, yeah, in your stride

# It is ticking, falling down

# Love forever

Love is free

# Let's turn forever, you and me

# Windmill, Windmill

for the land

# Is everybody in... #

What is it?

Are you sure...

..that this is right for you?

You're not having second thoughts?

No, no.

This is perfect for me.

But you've got heaps of time, Stevie.

I mean, you've got years and years.

I---

..I hope it's not 'cause you think

you're not gonna get another chance.

'Cause you would, I reckon.

You would for sure.

No, I'm good with this.

I thought we agreed

that the links would highlight

as you scrolled over.

Oh, did we?

Yeah.

Malcolm, do you have

a copy of the brief?

Thank you.

Oh, man,

can you just chill out?

I didn't change anything, alright?

All I did on there was just...

Smitty has messed with the privacy

settings on the party page.

Now we've got... What?

How many maybes?

How many maybes, Smitty?

I don't know!

Hello.

Hey. Can you meet me?

What?

Can you come in and meet me

at my work, at the car park, please?

Hey.

What is it?

Uh...I got my period.

What?

I got my period.

But I thought... Like, are you sure?

Yeah, yep-

Has it come early?

Well, it's not

like clockwork, Jonah.

It changes.

Yeah, I know.

I just felt...

..for sure it was gonna happen.

Well, thank God

we didn't tell anyone.

Yeah.

Oh, f***.

Three more days.

F***!

Just, oh, if there

was more time or...

Or what?

I don't know.

You could go another option or...

No. Obviously, no.

Well, don't let me hold you back.

Well, it's just not feasible now.

Well, you do

what you gotta do, Jonah.

Um, I've got to get back to work.

Hey, are you angry at me?

No, I'm just...

I've gotta get back to work.

Stevie, you're fine. You got

heaps of time to have a kid.

Oh, thanks, thanks.

Well, it's true!

You didn't even want a kid

until a week and a half ago.

What?

Oh, I...I can't believe

I got involved with this.

This was your plan, Stevie!

Oh, my plan?

Yeah, I was the one trying

ex-girlfriends and you were like...

'Cause you were having tremendous

success with your ex-girlfriends!

I'm just pointing out there's

no reason for you to be all furious.

I'm not f***ing furious! I'm fine!

In fact, I'm relieved.

Thank God it didn't happen,

'cause us having a kid together

would have been

a total f***ing disaster.

# Carry me down

to the bitter shores

# I'll sink to swim

# And this brighter side

it seems to be... #

Oh, hey, if you run into Gus,

tell him I am getting the ice.

We're literally leaving

right now, yeah?

Alright, man. Cool.

Hey, whoa! Not yet!

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