Nothing Like The Holidays Page #3

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- Roxanna:
Great.

- Work work work.

Mauricio, all you talk about

is work. It's a holiday.

What's important is

everybody's here together.

We're all together now.

That's what's important.

- Yeah.

- That's great.

Doesn't matter.

I'm... I'm gonna go get the door.

Yeah, excuse me.

- One second.

- Johnny:
Uncle Edy, slap the dinosaur.

Hey. Please tell me you heard something.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Welcome... welcome back.

Th... thank you.

- Is that...

- That's Hector.

- My son.

- Really?

Oh. Hey.

- Marissa:
Say hi.

- How are you? Give me five.

That is a good-looking kid.

Fernando:
Had to circle the

block two times to find parking.

Hey, welcome back, Jesse.

- Oh. Okay.

- Fernando.

Good to meet you. Okay.

Hey, Mami. Hi.

Oh, hey, Mami.

- How are you?

- Who's the little boy?

Let's go upstairs.

Oh! This one is the closest

I ever get to having a grandchild.

Isn't he adorable?

Oh, yes. Very very very cute.

Hector, come on, behave.

Hey, how are you doing?

How's your mother?

Great. Thank you for

asking, Mr. Rodriguez.

Nice to see you. Oh, excuse me.

- I have to take this.

- Let's go say hi.

Yeah, hi. Just give me one second.

Ma, since when did Dad

get all Dick Cheney on you?

Well, whoever it is, they must

be more important than his family.

- I've gotta finish dinner.

- Ma, what are you talking about?

- He didn't say that.

- Would you like any help?

No.

Roxanna:
Is it weird being a mom?

Woman:
You were there.

You remember Rick.

That jerk. He was such a bad father.

As soon as Hector was

born, Rick just left.

- Rick just split.

- Yeah.

But things are going really

well with me and Fernando,

and he treats Hector like his own son.

Wow. That's great, girl.

I just really love my job.

Gotta be so cool to have a

teacher like you in high school.

You're gonna get this gig, okay?

My agent says he feels

really good about it.

You know that Mr. Murphy

still asks about you?

Really?

He says that you were the best actor

to come out of Roberto Clemente.

Oh, that's so sweet. You know what?

I still have that gold-plated statuette

that he gave me for playing Blanche.

- Do you remember?

- Do you remember this song?

Do I? It's my song, girl.

- Oh my God.

- Turn it up.

#I wanna sex you up... #

#Now let's pour a glass of wine #

#'Cause now we're all

alone, I've been waiting... #

Please tell me you are not

auditioning for any musicals.

Stop singing. You're

gonna break the mirror.

Were you two kissing?

- Johnny.

- I wanna watch.

Johnny, we're having girl time.

- I can share.

- No, you can't.

- No! Oh yeah?

- Shut up. Whoa!

Don't mess my hair!

Don't mess my hair up!

- Oh, man.

- Help me!

Come on, man! Oh!

Help me out!

- You swing like a girl!

- Get out of the way!

You want a piece of me? Huh? Huh?

Don't! Jesse!

Oh my God.

You boys, tomorrow you've got

to help me take down this tree.

Come on, Dad. It's a

holiday, for crying out loud.

You still do hard work, Mr. Lawyer Man?

Johnny, I work out. What

are you trying to say?

- He works out.

- Oh yeah, you work out

with your $65-an-hour

trainer/lover/boyfriend.

I bet your flabby ass isn't lifting

to people's cars, you pudgy bastard.

My ass isn't gonna be here

tomorrow chopping down no tree.

Big baby. Listen, I've got a chainsaw.

Oh yeah, the one they used

to make Jesus's cross with.

It still works. All it

needs is a little oil.

We go to the zoo, kidnap

a couple of beavers.

They take it down for

free. They drag it away.

I've got a couple of chainsaws.

I can come by tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, Nando.

I can swing by too,

help you cut this down.

Edy:
No, not you, Ozzy.

I need you at the store.

Why you want to cut down the tree, Pop?

I promised your mother a view.

And it's old. Look at it.

The base is weak. It's

leaning over to one side.

It's no good no more.

Is that you you're

talking about or the tree?

All:
Oh! Oh!

Dig into that.

No thanks. Can you believe...

- I finally got him to sleep.

- He's down? Good.

It used to be Logan Boulevard.

It used to be a mattress store.

Somebody made me pay for it.

Why is everybody fighting?

They're not fighting. They conversating.

Mom, you may be a drug dealer

by giving me that stuff there.

I thought it was Roxie's.

Attention, por favor, por favor.

I'd just like to say something.

It's fantastic that we're all together.

Gracia, Dio, that we're safe, home

- and warm, indoors.

- Mauricio:
Good one, Dad.

I'd like to propose a toast...

Johnny:
Oh, good timing.

Excuse me.

There's something I'd like to say.

I'm divorcing your father.

Mauricio:
That's crazy.

That's not a toast, okay? Come on.

That's not even funny. What is that?

Why? Mom, stop, please.

Johnny:
That don't

sound like a toast to me.

- Come on. Stop that, Ma.

- Roxanna:
Mom.

- Coo.

- Why? You've been married for 36 years.

- You can't...

- So?

"So"? You're old.

Who are you calling old?

I've got a lot of life left in me.

Who do you think kept

all of this together?

I don't need him.

Well, if that's what you want to do...

Roxanna:
What?... I can't stop you.

What? What is going on?

I'm gonna step out for

a minute, get some air.

Ozzy, come on.

- Excuse me.

- Happy?

Dad, did you cheat on her again?

- Papi, you cheated?

- You didn't tell me that.

- Sarah, stay out of it.

- Roxanna:
Papi?

Did you cheat again?

Is that what your mother thinks?

Mysterious phone calls all the time.

You disappear in the middle of the day.

Ay, Papi! How could you? How could you?

Don't raise your voice

to me in my own house!

You know what? I'm

disgusted with both of you.

I'm so disgusted.

What, are you gonna date other people?

For starters.

Oh! Excuse me. This is making me sick.

Come on, Jesse. Jump in

any time you feel like.

Say something, will you? Come on.

- It's their life.

- What? "It's their life"?

"It's their life"?

Three years in Iraq, and this

is the wisdom you have to offer?

- Oh!

- It's their life. Wow.

That's great. Thanks,

Dad, for doing this to us.

Thank you for ruining our lives.

Thank you so much for that.

Why don't you relax? Why

don't you leave Pop alone?

- This isn't about you.

- That's it. Take that side.

- Jesse:
I'm not taking a side.

- Of course you are.

Why don't you two become roommates

and go hang out at Starbucks

like the losers you are

because you screwed up

the best things you

ever had in your lives?

Anna:
Mo!

I'm gonna take Hector home.

- Yeah.

- Thank you for dinner.

- And thanks so much, Mo.

- I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, Jesse. I

got a little hot-headed.

Just... just... bro, just...

I think you've said enough, man.

Jesse, I said I was sorry.

- Hey. Hey.

- Jesse:
Yeah.

Why'd you have to call

out your brother like that?

Because I'm the only one...

After all he's been through?!

You should concentrate

on your own relationship

instead of worrying

about everybody else's.

Well, merry goddamn

Christmas, everybody.

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