Nothing Like The Holidays Page #5

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Anna:
Hey, Fernando.

You want some hot chocolate?

No thanks. I'm all set, Mrs. Rodriguez.

You're killing me.

Yeah!

This is an SR36 Wood Boss.

Whoa whoa! No! Stop!

Turn it off! Turn it off!

- What's the problem?

- It's fine.

But we're gonna use mine.

This is a Sears Chainomatic 3000

- I remember that.

- Oh, Dad, come on.

Chuck Norris was on the box.

Everybody, careful. Stand back.

That looks really dangerous.

Hmm?

Mauricio:
You overcompensated

a little bit, Dad.

- Coo.

- What? What?

'Cause he's got a little thingy.

- Marissa:
Oh.

- Ooh.

Your man sure is good

with his tool, honey.

Mm-hmm, and he's really

good with his hands too.

Marissa, there's a child here.

Please, he's three, Ma.

He doesn't get innuendo.

Come on, give it some force, man.

Yo, whoa whoa whoa.

- Step back.

- Mauricio:
Show him how it's done, Jesse.

- Careful.

- Be careful.

Mauricio:
Show him how it's done.

Roxanna:
Yeah, that's

what I'm talking about.

Now that's in innuendo, girl.

I bet my boy Jesse right there...

$20 my boy Jesse gets that tree down.

I'd take Fernando.

Hey, you back off, Barbie.

I didn't mean it that way.

It's just that he's big.

His muscles are big.

And I... oh, you guys.

Hey hey hey hey!

Don't hurt yourself, man.

What happened? What happened?

It's okay, tough guy.

Let's see it, Nando.

Let's see what you've got.

Holy cow.

- Oh no.

- What the hell?

- It's cursed, Ma!

- Son of a...

Syphilitic tree. Let me try it.

- Hold on, hold on.

- Let a real man do it.

Oh no. Stop him, please.

- Oh no, he isn't.

- Oh, boy.

- Roxanna:
No, Mo.

- I got it. All right.

Back off, Iraq.

Are you gonna put money

down on your husband?

That he seriously hurts himself?

$20. Sure why not?

Mauricio! Put it down.

Relax. Relax, Mom. I've got it.

Roxanna:
You can do

it. I've got $20 on you.

This little... the black cord?

Right there. Right

there. The black cord.

Yeah.

- You hear that?

- Whoa whoa whoa!

Somebody do something!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks, Sarah.

- Mauricio, put it down!

- Sarah:
Told you.

- Don't yell at me.

- Put it down!

- Get in the house!

- I've got it.

Anna:
Put it down.

You're embarrassing me

in front of everybody.

I told you... get in the house.

Huh? What do you think?

Roxanna:
It looks great, Dad.

I don't know what to say.

- Come on.

- What?

Find something to do.

Oh, my babies!

- Oh, my movie star!

- How you doing?

- You look great.

- Thanks.

God bless you, baby. You know,

I prayed for you every day.

I had to. I know how the military is.

- Yeah.

- Hey, y'all! My baby was on the front line!

Figures. They like to

cut the dark meat first,

if you know what I'm saying.

I'll tell you what it is.

It's Uncle Sam trying to

get rid of y'all Latinos.

You know, they lure you in

promising you citizenship.

You don't even have to

have a green card to serve.

- Oh, come on, Tina.

- Oh, you know it's true, white boy.

You find everything?

Yeah, I'm cool.

These high-end magazines

must be your touch,

'cause the only thing my Pops reads

is "The Sun Times" and "La Opinin. "

You want to see something really cool?

Check this out. It's all about

what's happening underground

with music, art, theater...

that kind of stuff.

- Mmm.

- You ever think about doing theater?

Yeah, I started in theater.

But I'm just focused on film and TV now.

Yeah. You know what you should do?

- Telenovela.

- Oh, yeah, right.

Rogelio,

why didn't you tell me

before we slept together

you were once married to my mother!

Because when you climaxed and

screamed "I love you, Papi,"

- I thought you already knew.

- You watch that?

Y'all gotta pay, 'cause I

ain't got money for y'all.

That's just crazy.

You all right, baby? Ozzy!

- Whoa whoa.

- Tina:
Ozzy!

- We gotta go.

- What about the beer?

- Come on.

- You okay?

Yeah.

These were on sale

yesterday. You missed it.

I see everyone at the

store is still crazy, huh?

Yeah yeah.

Look. Your old man finally modernized.

This new system lets you

know how much you're wasting,

so you can cost things out better.

Last week we took 3 off

a pound of pork chops.

- You actually know how to use that thing?

- Not really.

Ozzy usually prints it out,

but I want everything running

like a well-oiled machine

for when you take over. You'll

get the hang of this in no time.

And you've always got Ozzy.

So when do you think you can start?

Uh, look, Dad, I...

Look, it'll help you

take your mind off things.

- I'm... I'm sorry.

- No, it's...

You're barely home, for Christ's sake.

You take... you rest

up. You take your time.

You come to work when you're ready.

Okay.

- Yo, Jesse, let's go hang downtown.

- What's up?

I've got a couple of rich

honeys waiting for us down there.

- No no, I'm cool, brother.

- Why not?

What you mean, you're cool, man?

Come on, bro.

I saw the look.

What look?

Well, don't do it, okay?

- What?

- I know Marissa is all cool.

She's still fine after

all her baby-mama drama.

- Whatever.

- Come on, bro.

A Puerto Rican woman...

she's never gonna forgive

that you dropped her, bro.

- That you dumped her like that.

- I didn't...

Forget that, all right?

Even if you guys were

to get back together,

she's gonna seem nice,

but she gonna make you pay

for that sh*t every day.

They're like that, bro.

You don't know what

are you talking about.

What do you mean? A

million years from now

aliens could come down,

they resurrect her ass.

What's the first thing she's gonna say?

"Where is that son of a b*tch Jesse?"

No. We could be friends, bro.

"We could be friends. "

That's white people sh*t.

- All right, Johnny.

- Come on. Jesse, yo!

What?

Jesse:
Marissa! Hey!

Jesse, what are you doing here?

I remembered you used to

take this path to work.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- No, I'm late for work.

- Well, we can walk and talk.

- No no no.

I thought that I could do

this friend thing, but I can't.

Five years together and you

break up with me in a letter.

You didn't even have the guts

to tell me before you left.

You think I knew what the hell I wanted?

I was 23, claustrophobic,

Mauricio and Roxanna were

off doing their thing.

I just needed to get out too!

I thought all my life's

major questions were answered.

I had you, I had the bodega.

If I was gonna make

it, I had to move on!

- And I knew that you did too.

- You...

you tore my world apart!

And there was nothing

that I could do about it.

Believe me, if I had known the

way things were gonna turn out,

- I would have never gone.

- I suppose I can't even get mad at you

- because you're a goddamn war hero.

- I'm not.

Please.

A guy in my unit died because of me!

My buddy Lenny.

He was this funny kid from Wisconsin.

He always wore

his high school basketball

jersey underneath his fatigues.

Anyway...

we had taken up position

in this abandoned house.

Insurgents had left

all this food behind.

We were hunkered in there for the night,

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