Old Fashioned Page #4

A good person.

I needed to believe my life

could be different than it was.

That I could be different.

And how did you

do that, frat boy?

And don't even tell me you

found Jesus or something.

More like he found me.

Oh.

Really?

I know, I know,

but it's the truth.

That's why I took my

aunt up on her offer.

It's why I keep the shop.

It's a safe place for me.

Nothing heroic.

Not very ambitious.

I guess I just wasn't

destined for greatness.

I think the world

has enough greatness,

not enough goodness.

That's my theory.

You're doing it again.

Are you allergic to me

or something?

Not you.

You're allergic to cats.

You're all fixed.

That was fast.

Are you sure?

Yes sir, my friends, the meek

can only inherit the Earth

when the John Does

start loving their neighbors.

You better start right now.

Don't wait until the game is

called on account of darkness.

Wake up, John Doe,

you're the hope of the world.

John, you were wonderful.

What's this?

Allergy medicine.

And your hot chocolate.

Thanks.

You're, um...

Saving up for something?

Gas money.

That's it?

Just a jar.

That's not much of a story.

The stories, they're my

favorite part of what I do.

Folks rarely drop off dusty

old lamps or family portraits

without telling you a story.

It's kind of like the why

beneath the surface

that gives those things

meaning, you know?

No matter how faded

or ordinary anything appears,

everything has a story.

I agree.

You do?

That's why I have that.

I've lived in 14 states so far.

I try to keep in touch

with at least one person

from every place I've been.

"Love is the only gold."

Tennyson.

Alfred Lord Tennyson.

1809 to 1892.

The first time I read that I was

at a high school football game.

Home game.

Red and black, school colors.

I played French horn

in the marching band.

Stood behind Jeff Ferby,

who, for the record,

I had a major crush on.

The game was boring.

Not even close.

So I read, did homework.

Third quarter, two minutes left,

snow falling from the sky,

sipping on hot chocolate

with tiny marshmallows,

I read that.

When the jar is full,

I know I have enough.

For what?

To get far enough away

if I need to.

Make a fresh start.

Go where the wind takes me.

Follow the warm and fuzzies.

Life just isn't

all warm fuzzies.

It's not just all

rules either, religioso.

Besides, that's

how I ended up here.

I hit empty on County Line Road.

You just packed everything

you own into your car

and started driving

'til you ran out of gas?

Now, that's a story.

My last boyfriend didn't

want me to wear nail polish.

I did.

So he broke your hand?

He didn't mean to.

But he did.

No nail polish?

Sounds like something

you'd come up with.

Depends on the color.

It was clear.

Yeah, I know.

Funny, huh?

He was nothing like you.

My one and only fight,

and I lost.

No.

He did.

He lost.

You're wearing me down, woman!

Hey!

All better.

How'd the door

get off the hinges?

How come you haven't

asked me out yet?

Hint, hint.

If I do, will you

stop breaking things?

My rules, my way?

Okay.

This is truly

such a wise choice.

Very mature.

Discerning.

So, first, let me simply

affirm your prudent decision

to take solemnly the idea

of holy matrimony.

How long have you been engaged?

Oh, we're not.

We just met.

Oh!

"Do you regularly use

or abuse drugs or alcohol?"

Not since college.

But I think we're

supposed to go in order.

Just so you know, this is

what some might call rushing it.

"Do you have

any pet peeves?"

Check out these colors.

"Do you have

any pet peeves?"

Just one.

That's a red.

What's wrong

with planning ahead?

Next question.

"How many children

would you like to have?"

One or two.

I was hoping for two or three.

That's a yellow.

Oh, isn't that beautiful?

Overpriced.

"What experience do you

have raising children?"

Come on!

Are you experienced?

- Is this necessary?

- Smaller pieces.

No coaching.

I am so sorry.

Do the two of you think Amber

and I make a good couple, or...

Sir.

Thanks, man.

Now what was all

that over there?

Why you pushing her like that?

Okay, can you

say hello in Chinese?

Ni.

- Ni.

- Hao.

- Hao.

- Ma.

- Ma.

- Good job!

Let's do "thank you"

one more time.

Show Miss Amber.

Ready?

Xiexie.

Xiexie.

You're a natural.

So, I pass?

Are you honestly this desperate?

Hey, we set a date.

Next month.

That's fast.

Eh, nothing fancy, you know?

Lisa wants to keep it small.

In fact, have it right here

in the backyard.

Yeah, just a few

friends coming in.

Nice.

Like Kelly.

Like Kelly or...

Flying in from

Phoenix by herself.

Just got separated

from her husband.

Yeah, he had a thing,

some girl in his office.

They're trying to work it out,

but you know how that goes.

How long have you known him?

Since college.

He dated my best

friend for a while.

The two of them

set David and me up.

Here we are.

What was Clay like back then?

A lot more fun.

Really?

Everybody loved him.

He had this wild kind

of energy, out of control.

He used to co-host this

stupid campus cable TV show

with another friend of ours.

It started out as

a joke sophomore year,

but then it just kept

getting bigger.

They started traveling,

hosting spring break parties,

producing DVDs.

He didn't tell you about?

Oh, they raked it in!

Built this amazing machine.

Clay had all kinds

of offers from New York,

Chicago, advertising.

He said no to them all.

Shut down the business.

Made a bunch of

bizarre apologies.

Gave away what was left

of his money.

He's not the same.

You got awful quiet.

Aren't you gonna ask me

any more questions?

Nothing good happens after 11.

Okay.

Hey, Amber?

What?

Well, why don't

you do us a favor

and just decide

what we do next time.

Next time?

Good night, stress boy.

Good night, pretty girl.

They're showing al

the "Rocky" s on cable again.

Thanks for the warning.

Like on a loop?

- Yeah!

- I hate when they do that.

- Last night, it was five.

- I don't like five.

No one likes five.

I like the one where

he takes her to the zoo.

Yeah, that's the second one.

"What percentage

of your annual income

is appropriate

to spend on a pet?"

I can see how he's

got you all worked up.

Not all the questions

are like that.

"Do you believe

in the death penalty?"

Mmm, oh, yes!

Death penalty!

No, thanks!

Gots to have a real man.

Clay is a real man.

I haven't found one yet

that I like better than

a good piece of chocolate,

and I've been married

three times.

But I'm still looking.

He's reliable.

He's handy.

Yep.

No peeking.

Just one.

All right.

Hardware store?

Are you watching this?

Mm-hmm.

Here we go.

Who's the man?

Ooh!

Oh, my!

Mr. Walsh,

the world wants to know,

when are you going to kiss her?

No comment?

May I?

There's only one thing

that without fail,

no red-blooded woman

alive can resist.

Are you listening?

Indifference.

Oh, spare me!

I'm sorry,

did you say something?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes