Old Fashioned Page #5

Oh, you are so hot.

That man knows

what he's talking about.

Zach, from Collegedale.

So you and David are

friends with Lucky Chucky?

When I didn't wanna play

frat boy anymore,

he and David were

the only ones that stuck around.

Everybody else walked.

He's a victim.

Please!

He's the kind of guy

that's always gotten away

with everything.

It's true.

But only because people let him.

Is that his fault?

He's a product of the system.

That's ridiculous.

Just like I used to be.

Before you saw the light?

Yeah, became a religioso.

But you were never like that.

Hey, you're the one that wanted

to turn the radio on, not me.

Let's get back to the book.

"Do you like

each other's friends?"

Definitely yellow.

So, Amber says you're reliable.

Definitely yellow.

Thank you, kind sir.

Mm-hmm.

Here.

What's this?

I got you something, my lady.

You did?

Mm-hmm.

Did you wrap it yourself?

I paid extra for that.

What?

It's to help you focus.

Comprende?

I get it.

Thank you.

Very thoughtful.

It's a start.

It is.

Keep trying.

Hey.

So last night,

it starts all over again.

Back to number one?

Running up the stairs,

collecting for Gazzo.

Sure, yeah,

the first one's all right.

The first one is awesome!

It's only a movie.

Thank you, ma'am.

Go ahead, take a guess.

What do you think

I watched on TV last night?

Oh, I have no idea.

"Sleepless in Seattle."

Now, that's a good movie.

You're killing me.

Sleepless in where?

I love

"Sleepless in Seattle."

- Figures.

- You don't?

- I'm allergic to cats.

- So?

Bill Pullman.

Nice guy, kind, reliable, but

just because he happens to itch

and get puffy red eyes

and sneeze all over the place,

it's okay for Meg Ryan

to run off with Tom Hanks.

Oh!

The boring guy with

allergies in the movies

always gets dumped

and it's not right

and it must be stopped.

Am I boring?

In a good way.

So honest.

This coat sure

has a lot of pockets.

What else you got in here?

Anything interesting?

Doubtful.

- What?

- Forgot about that.

- Can I see?

- No.

Ooh!

A checklist?

"Magnifying glass

and Spanish CD."

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check.

"Respect her emotions

as well as her body."

Check.

How is it possible that

you're not already married?

I could ask you

the same question.

It's almost 11.

Fair enough.

If you don't mind, I'm going

to use the little boys' room.

And stay out of my pockets.

Hello.

Hola.

Hola.

Good morning.

Buenos das.

Buenos das.

Goodbye.

Adis.

Adis.

Buenos das, stress boy.

I'm liking my presents.

Shall we?

I can't let you

get all the kicks.

Huh?

"It's easier to keep holidays

than commandments,"

Benjamin Franklin.

That's true.

I definitely prefer holidays.

"Our lives begin to end

the moment we remain silent

about things that matter."

Who said that?

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Would you like to come

over to my house tomorrow?

See where you live?

Yes, that I would like.

Make some dinner together?

Shh!

Just the two of us?

Alone?

What're you laughing at?

White picket fence?

You love it.

Clay grows tomatoes for us

right around here.

He cans 'em too.

He's well-trained.

What was that?

Mind your own beeswax.

No candles?

No flowers?

I'm ashamed of you.

Ashamed!

Let's pray.

Thank you.

You're blessed.

Oh, she looks so peaceful.

She's faking.

Oh, she is not.

You read all these?

Most of 'em.

Wow, I read this

in the tenth grade.

So sad.

Is that a Bible?

Mm-hmm.

What parts of it

do you believe exactly?

Oh, man.

Any favorites?

"Old things have passed away.

Behold, all things

have become new."

That's in here?

Mm-hmm.

Who's Kelly?

Don't wanna talk about it?

It's complicated.

Kelly was my

last real girlfriend.

Before all of your theories

She was a...

She was the first girl I ever

actually really cared for.

She gave that to me

right before we broke up.

I really don't even know why

she liked me, what she saw.

She was a... you know, she

wanted to wait, and I didn't.

So I hooked up with

one of her good friends.

On the rebound, she started

dating some other guy,

got pregnant, got married.

I hurt her.

Is that what made you change?

It wasn't one big thing.

It was more like a like a lot

of little things, all adding up.

You know?

And that book,

that didn't help much either.

I mean, sometimes I wish

I never opened it at all.

Why?

Because when

I read it for myself,

I couldn't

make fun of it anymore.

Someone else could,

but I couldn't.

I felt accountable for

the first time in my life.

The first time.

And it was genuine and real.

A sense of, I don't

know, like a voice or...

You hear voices?

No, I don't.

Not... it's not, like,

real voices.

It's... I can't even explain it,

still, even now.

It's hard to try

to put it into words

without sounding

like a crazy person.

You are a crazy person.

Shh. Listen.

What?

You hear that?

There it is again.

It's like a whisper.

You hear it?

It's telling me something.

Oh, it is?

Ask her to go to church

with you sometime.

Thank you, Aunt Zella.

You go to church?

Not much anymore.

I did.

The people

there weren't perfect,

so he felt out of place.

I believe that.

I just drifted away

from it, that's all.

Kind of had my fill

of the hypocrite show.

Well, I've never been.

So I think that you and I

should go together sometime.

I'd like to experience

that with you.

Why?

Good Lord, you two, both

of you take me home already.

This is getting painful.

"Mercy and truth

are met together.

Righteousness and peace

have kissed each other."

It's just that the two of you

are so different, that's all.

He's... different.

I know.

You can do so much better.

When he held my hand in

that church, it felt like home.

What's better than that?

Oh, stop it.

I've been debating.

What?

Cool.

I've always wanted

to be in one of those.

Why are you giving this to me?

Check out the name

of the producer.

You should watch that sometime.

I don't need to.

Doesn't matter.

The man who made this

doesn't exist.

Never even met him.

All right, fellas,

let's get to it. Limo's here.

So, when do I get

to meet her, huh?

- You don't.

- Oh, she got a name?

Yeah, it's What's Her Face.

Really? She coming

to the wedding?

Could you...

hey, come on, man.

We're gonna be late

for our dinner reservation.

Dude, are you pretty enough yet?

Hey, bring it in here.

We're getting hungry,

man, come on.

Who wants some

of that good red meat?

Yeah!

Hotel security.

We're getting complaints

about the noise.

Open the door.

We're just

having a bachelor party.

We didn't mean to...

come in, come in.

Which one of you gentlemen's

the registered guest?

Well, it's the,

it's the charming, handsome,

intellectual black man

right there.

I'm gonna need you

to sit down, please.

David, sit down.

You should do what

the lady says, David.

Fantastic, Brad.

David, David, don't do this.

Open that door.

- Are you kidding me?

- Open the door!

I'm not gonna open the door.

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