Old Fashioned Page #6

Think about Lisa and Cosie.

What? They have nothing

to do with this.

He's not hurting them.

Does anybody else have

a problem with this?

No, you know what?

You know, Clay,

why don't you leave

and let the rest of us

enjoy the interrogation.

Yeah!

That's it! Yes! Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, get it!

Get it!

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

I can't.

Thank you, thank you.

I can't. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on.

What were you thinking, man?

Come on.

Dude, I swear I didn't

know he was gonna do that.

Seriously.

I mean, all I wanted

was a steak.

Get in the car.

All right, all right,

all right, all right. All right.

Going for a walk.

Still my best man.

All right, brother.

- Be careful.

- Yeah.

- Stay out of trouble.

- Yeah, right.

Hey. Hey!

You owe me 200 bucks.

Oh, where are you going?

Taking your toys and

going home right on cue?

Just like you always did.

So noble, so superior.

You're an inspiration to us all,

and we bow before thee.

When did treating women

with respect become the joke?

You wanna laugh at believing

love can be something sacred?

Go ahead, laugh.

You want to know

what the joke is?

Hey!

Do you have any idea how much

you cost her in tips tonight?

Don't you think you ought

to do something about that?

Huh?

What?

Hey! Get off, man.

Did somebody ask

for your help in there?

You think you're better than me.

My turn.

Choose.

What's it say?

"Get lost."

Start driving.

Get out.

Just me?

Go!

I'm going.

Over there?

Okay.

"How many sexual partners

have you had

in the past 10 years?"

Ugh!

And it was almost a normal date.

What does that mean?

A normal date.

Oh, a normal date.

You mean where

two strangers hop into bed

and then try to figure out later

whether or not they

have anything in common.

Is that what you mean by normal?

What is with you today?

Why are you so hard

on everybody?

You know, most of us

are just doing our best

not to feel lonely,

and it isn't easy.

Do you like living by yourself?

Without anybody to...

Buy me flowers.

Make me a card.

I don't need you to make me

your community service project.

I need you to dance with me.

That was okay, wasn't it?

Yes.

I know it's in you.

I know it.

Flatter me.

Sweep me off my feet.

Tell me I'm the most attractive

woman you've ever met.

Even if you don't mean it.

I don't care.

Lie to you?

Exactly A normal date.

I've wasted a lot of words.

I don't want to waste any more.

On me?

You're scoring

all kinds of points.

It's not about scoring points.

That's right.

It's about red, yellow, green.

Fine.

I've been with five.

I've had sex with five men.

Heavy petted with

four more, give or take.

And, oh, I was married once,

for 2 years when I was 19.

Happy?

What else would

you like to know?

It was like I was

living by myself anyway.

So one morning, when he was

actually home for a change,

I just walked up

and set the divorce papers

down in front of him,

and made myself some oatmeal.

We didn't even discuss it.

Did he ever try to...

I don't wanna live back there.

And I don't want to tell you

a bunch of bad things about him,

so that I feel less responsible.

I can't blame him

for my decision,

and you can't either.

It's who I am.

I can't even remember how

many girls I've been with.

Can we just get back into

the car and get lost again?

Too late.

Why haven't you invited me

to David and Lisa's wedding?

It's the day after

tomorrow, isn't it?

You wanna go?

Do you want me to go?

I don't wanna crowd you

or change you

or what you believe in.

All I want is for you to

tell me how I make you feel.

Can you?

How do I make you feel, Clay?

Do you feel?

Do you think about me

before you go to sleep at night?

Baby, do you long for me

the way I long for you?

Don't you wish you could just

turn your head on your pillow

and see me looking back at you?

I need to know that you want me.

I need to know that.

It's important to me.

Please.

Very nice.

Come on, you show me.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

You having fun?

You having fun?

Come on, show me.

Olly, olly, oxen free!

You look terrible.

What are you doing

to that poor love seat?

I'm fixing it.

Obviously.

Love your work.

Hey, you want to come look at

some other priceless

antiquities you can fix?

Got a two-for-one special

on nightstands.

Oh, and a sledge hammer

for free.

Yeah, they're great.

Come on.

Do you love this girl?

Do you?

If you do, life's too short.

And if you don't,

life's too short.

That's all I got for you.

But if it doesn't work out,

give me her number.

Did you tell him about that?

No, you're right.

We're too different.

You can't quit.

When things get messy,

I move on.

That's what I do.

I'm really good at it.

Well, what happens when

there's no place to move on to?

The world is pretty big.

And it's pretty messy too.

Everywhere.

Bartender!

Now we can do this every night.

Wait, don't leave.

I'm going to go get

something to cheer you up.

Don't go anywhere.

I think I found you

something interesting.

Looks fun.

Hi.

Am I the most attractive

woman you've ever met?

Sure.

You allergic to cats?

Trish, have you seen Amber?

You just missed her.

Do you know where she went?

No!

But I saw who she left with.

And you know what?

Didn't look reliable.

Kelly.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

Can I come in?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Just be with me now.

No answer?

Come on, man.

He has the rings.

Where is he at?

Oh, he's probably just double

checking your wedding vows

for theological errors

or something.

Making sure your ceremony

is up to his standards

without stain or blemish.

Okay, all right, Brad.

Just let him live his own life.

No, I'm sick of it, all right?

He's gonna crash and burn soon.

And I just hope

I'm there to see it.

You're gonna be late.

I was pretty stupid last night.

Thanks, for not...

And so, before these witnesses,

those that love you

and vow to sustain you both

in your public commitment

to one another,

I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

"Never will I leave you,

never will I forsake you."

Clay?

Are you there?

Open up.

Please open this door.

Please.

I don't want normal.

I want you.

I wasn't able to appreciate...

You know what I did

on my honeymoon?

I cried myself to sleep

trying to figure out

why my brand-new husband

was more interested in watching

on the hotel TV

than touching me.

And that's not your fault.

Why did you let her in?

That was Bible girl, wasn't it?

Was anyone else

here in the house?

No.

You were alone together?

Just for a moment.

I saw her

leaving in the morning.

Did she stay the night?

What's so funny?

I was sleeping in my truck.

Why didn't you come after me?

I have a theory.

Maybe love doesn't have to be

perfect to still be worth it.

And maybe you don't have

to be perfect for me to...

You don't know all

the things I've done.

I know more than you think.

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