Old School Page #4

What the hell is going on here?

Guys, this is a very special occasion.

The Godfather himself has been kind

enough to grace us with his presence.

- The Godfather!

- [applause]

This is his damn house.

He lives here, he sleeps 20 feet away.

We need to talk.

Kitchen.

Sit good for me. I'm gonna talk

to Uncle Mitch for a second.

There you go, buddy.

- How long have these people been here?

- All day.

That party we had last night

has given us all kinds of street cred.

What are you talking about?

This is called "rush."

We're officially starting a fraternity.

I like it. It's genius!

You've got to be kidding me.

You heard Pritchard, all right?

We're obligated to do this.

This house, he says, is zoned specifically

for social services and student housing.

Fraternity solves both of those.

But this is my house.

I live here, Beanie.

I'm 30 years old.

None of us are enrolled in the college.

I understand that. You're focused

on all the wrong sort of details.

Did you or did you not

have a good time at the party?

I had an awesome time.

I know you had an awesome time.

The entire town knows

you had an awesome time.

I'm trying to ask Mitch whether

he had an awesome time.

- I had a good time.

- Okay, that's good.

Wouldn't you want those good times

to keep going?

- More good...

- God. I mean...

I don't understand. I don't know why it's

so hard for you to admit you want this.

We got 40 guys that want this.

There must be a reason for it.

Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm.

I know you guys are trying to help,

but the truth of the matter is,

I've had a hell of a day,

an even worse month.

And the fact is,

I've got 40 strangers out in my living room

and all I want to do is

get some f***in' sleep.

So, I'm sorry, but we're not

starting a fraternity.

I don't know why you got to do it

in front of the kid, with the "F'ing."

All you got to do is

say "earmuffs" to him.

Then you can say,

"f***, sh*t, b*tch," whatever you want.

Cock. Balls.

I'm just proving a point.

You don't have to celebrate it, Frank.

- Sorry.

- Don't say sorry to me.

You let down Frank, you let down me,

you let down Max, most importantly.

And right about now,

I'm having a real hard time

trying to figure out why I take my time out of

my schedule to try to help you get over...

Earmuffs. That whore that you dated.

Wanna go out and see the other guys?

Uncle Mitch is sorry.

Say "yes."

Yes.

[squealing tires]

Here's the deal.

Listen up!

All together, we've picked

Wait, who's this guy?

That's Blue.

He's an old Navy vet

who hangs around my store a lot.

But don't worry about it.

He's legit.

He looks like he's 1 00 years old.

He wants to pledge?

Are you kidding me?

The Old Man River won't shut up about it.

Go time!

[squealing tires]

Don't make this any harder

on yourself!

[squealing tires, horns beeping]

What's going on?

You tell anyone about this,

I'll f***in' kill you!

I'm kidding. We'll have him back tonight.

Okay, sweetie?

Let's go!

[squealing tires]

[van engine roaring]

[tires squeal]

Come on, let's go.

There we go, Blue.

[tires squeal]

Congratulations, gentlemen.

You should all be

very proud of yourselves.

Each and every one of you

has been hand-picked

to represent our inaugural

pledge class.

Over the next 21 days,

you're all going to experience intense

mental and physical strain.

[screams:
] D-ahhh!!

Frank, just pace yourself.

Copy that. Just got

a little overexcited. Sorry.

At this point

you may be asking yourself,

"Why am I holding

this 30-pound cinderblock in my hands?"

You might also ask yourself,

"Why does this cinderblock

have a long piece of string

tied to it?"

And finally,

"Why's the other end of this string

tied securely

to your penis?"

And the answer, ladies, is trust.

This is your first test.

Spanish!

Do you trust we've provided you

with enough slack

so your block will land safely

on the lawn?

Sir, yes, sir.

- And Blue!

- Yes, sir?

Do you trust that I do not want

to see you die here tonight?

- Sir, yes, sir.

- Blue, you're my boy!

Thank you, sir.

About face.

[drum cadence]

Step to the edge!

Pledges, prepare to release!

One...

two...

three! Release!

[yelling]

Aahh!

[unison]

Oh...!

[girlish squeals]

Wasn't meant to happen

like that, Weensie!

Walk it off, big guy.

We're coming down.

# One, two, three, four

# One, two, three, four

# I've been laid more times than God

# Got six kids in Laung-Pau-Lad

# One two three four

One two three four

# I don't know, but it's been said

One more lap and I'll be dead

- # One two three four...

- Faster!

Jesus. Who are these people?

Patricia, get security

to the South Lawn.

We have an illegal off-road vehicle

operating without a permit.

They've already been called, sir.

Call them again.

It's been two weeks.

How are these guys still a fraternity?

They're not a fraternity, sir.

They've been approved for temporary

status by the student council.

Half these guys don't even

go to the school.

You see the one guy, he's like 90.

Technically, that doesn't matter.

They found a loophole.

- A loophole?

- Yes.

Well, it's interesting, sir.

As stupid as they appear,

they're actually very good at paperwork.

It's quite an anomaly.

I'm sorry, is that funny?

Are you a standup comic?

Is that what you do now?

This is me leaving. This is me leaving.

[copier whirs]

There he is.

What's going on, brother?

Nothing.

Just making some copies.

See you later.

Hey, Mitch, hang on a second.

I heard you guys are

starting up a fraternity.

Who told you that?

Nobody. Is it true?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Right.

It sounds cool, man.

I want in.

Listen to me.

There is no fraternity.

I don't even know

what you're talking about.

You listen to me.

I need this, okay?

My wife, my job, my kids.

Every day is exactly the same.

I go golfing on Sundays.

I hate golf.

Don't blackball me, Mitch.

Please.

I am not blackballing you.

We work together, Walsh.

And I don't want to mix work

with whatever it is I do at home.

Trust me, you're not

missing anything, anyways.

Really?

Heard you hooked up

with Goldberg's daughter.

Sorry. Sorry.

That is untrue!

Hey, Mitch, all I'm saying is

think about it, okay?

Think about it!

So what?

Who cares if you work with the guy?

I do. I mean, I have a career

to worry about.

You're killing me. You really need

to start embracing this whole thing here.

The frustrating thing is I don't think

you appreciate everything I did for you.

- For me?

- Yeah, for you.

You think I like avoiding my wife and kids

to hang out with 1 9-year-old girls all day?

- Yeah, I do.

- Well, I don't, man.

- I'm doing this whole thing for you.

- Hello.

Nicole, how's it going?

Who's this?

This is my daughter, Amanda.

Say hi, sweetie.

Hi, Amanda.

You remember Nicole, right?

Yeah, we did a little chicken dancing

at the wedding, actually.

- How you been?

- Fine, thanks.

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