On the Double Page #7

But if you turn the car around,

I'd promise you the usual.

I hated every minute of it.

Good show there.

( dramatic theme playing )

NARRATOR:

I never suspected her for

a moment. This is terrible.

( dramatic theme playing )

Welcome to Berlin,

General MacKenzie Smith.

You are now the guest

of the Third Reich.

Now, all we wish

is a little information.

And we shall see

that you are given

a charming house

in the country,

servants, wine, frauleins.

Whatever you may wish.

And you will be able to sit

out the rest of the war

in complete comfort.

All we ask is that

you tell us the truth.

MAN:
Precisely.

You see, uh,

I'm an American soldier

and my name is Private First

Class Ernie Williams,

serial number, uh, 347236.

And I was supposed to go

back to America

because my mother

is very sick.

Only she isn't very sick.

She's in Miami Beach

with a bathing--

Oh! Oh!

What happened to the house

in the country?

My dear General, you have

a reputation for playing games.

We have not.

Unless you answer our questions

honestly and quickly,

we will have no alterative

but to order you shot.

Oh!

MAN;

And we are waiting to hear it.

You see this eye patch?

MAN:

Oh. General.

And, uh, look at that

moustache.

Oh. What ha...

Ugh. Must be the glue.

It got stuck in the sea air.

You see I haven't had it off

for a few days.

( screams )

Forget it . It's mine.

But you simply have to believe

how it all got started.

You see, I was doing imitations

for a couple of the fellas.

And uh, heh, I do imitations,

you see.

Well, look. Maybe I can

explain it to you better.

( clears throat )

We survive them on

the beaches.

We survive them

in the villages.

We will never surrender.

( grunts )

Uh, I got a better one.

Oh, when the saints--

Ahem. Well, maybe this one

will do it.

I got a real good one here.

We have, hmm...

( speaks German )

ALL:

Heil Hitler!

( grunting )

Oh. Well, I...

Heh, nobody seems

to like that one.

MAN:

General MacKenzie Smith.

Perhaps you do not

understand us.

You have vital information

on the timing

and location

of the second front.

I have?

But because of your respect

for you,

I do not with

to see you reduced

to a shattered hulk

of a man.

MAN:

Are you trying to

make us believe

That's right. It was all a phony

and you fellas fell for it.

You see this grey stuff

they put in my hair?

It washes out with soap

and water.

Look. I'll show you.

I told them it was no good.

I have to touch it up

every night.

Even in the rain

it comes out.

Here. I'll show you.

Maybe they used a new brand

It...

Oh, it's me.

I've turned white.

See you've done it.

Poisoning Twickenham

and that shot through my head

and, uh, the submarine.

Oh, if you fellas only knew

what I've been through.

Oh, you do know.

Don't you?

It is only the beginning

my dear, General.

Take him away.

Throw him in a cell.

Use the usual methods.

Not the usual.

MAN:

One more thing.

Our operatives in England

are everywhere.

You understand?

Everywhere.

And they are led by a man

so highly placed

British intelligence

would never suspect.

It is not only your life

that is in jeopardy.

But that of your wife.

Lady Margaret.

( speaking in German )

Heil Hitler.

You'll never get away...

( dramatic theme playing )

NARRATOR:

The news spread through

the German high command

like wildfire.

MacKenzie Smith had

broken down

and agreed to talk

after being tortured

continuously

for three solid minutes.

MAN:

Good evening here, General.

Let us get this filthy

business over with.

MAN:

This is a great moment

for the Third Reich.

We have broken

MacKenzie Smith.

Heh, this will please

the Fuehrer immensely.

I presume, gentlemen,

he will go into his dance again.

Be careful, general.

May I remind you

once more.

We have many operatives

in England. Many of them.

The one who leads them

is a very good friend

of your family.

And of your wife.

It doesn't matter.

She will be safe enough.

If you talk.

Now, here, General.

We have here a most

interesting map.

England, German, France.

All military objectives

carefully indicated.

You shall be

the professor

and we will be

your willing students.

The time, the location

and the strength

of the allied invasion.

Gentlemen,

when I finish

you will know as much about

this blasted invasion

as I do.

Perhaps even more.

Sorry. I was carried away,

old chap.

Uh, bit of tear in the eye

and that sort of thing.

I say, it's a bit of a blur

to realize

ERNIE:
Righto.

Well, a concentration of troops

in Southern England

actually is a ruse,

you see.

Uh, we shall do

the main attack

in the soft underbelly

of Monte Carlo, right here.

You see. I say.

Surprise, eh?

Caught you on a sticky

wicket. What?

Well, you see actually,

um, mm, right here

is where we're going to a small

attack of naval vessels.

The LCTs, the BBDs,

the LSMFTs,

the IRT and the CIO and

the, uh, SMFR are our IUT.

What artillery? What infantry?

Who are their commanders?

What are their immediate

objectives?

Okay.

Write this down over there.

( speaking German )

I shall tell you

in a minute.

You see, Captain, Brigadier

General, Father Ingrad,

( gibbering ):

the Argyle Highlanders,

have taken the largest one

of the troops

as a haven for...

And of course, there's...

Tech here,

which, hmm, of course will

terminate at the edge or tip.

And here,

regarding the subways,

they will have

a remarkable incentive,

and, of course, the troops

are all employed

and all the frontal assault

which have nothing...

I suppose they...

Busy...

( blithering )

Than bottom, you see.

What have I done to England?

I simply can't go on.

Control yourself, General.

You are a military man

as we are.

We didn't understand

a word.

It doesn't matter.

Above all the signal.

Which signal do you mean?

Do not pretend, General.

Counter intelligence

has told us

a signal is to be

broadcast over the BBC

two days before D Day.

A meaningless phrase.

To the French

underground

to announce the date

of the invasion.

I'll be down to get you

in a taxi, honey.

And the hour.

The hour of the attack?

You'd better be ready

about half past eight.

We'll be ready.

I wish I could be there

when the band starts playing.

But you won't.

If I had a gun,

I would shoot myself.

It's the only

decent way left.

( speaking in German )

( dramatic theme playing )

( waltz theme playing )

( dramatic theme playing )

( knocking on door )

Einen moment.

Einen moment.

( speaking in German )

( all speaking in German )

( speaking indistinctly )

( truck horn honking )

( speaking indistinctly )

( whistle blowing )

( gunshot )

( indistinct chattering )

( woman screams )

( people speaking

indistinctly )

( speaks in German )

( screams )

( alarm wailing )

( people speaking

indistinctly )

( whistle blowing )

( speaking in German )

( all speaking

in German )

( speaking in German )

Goodbye.

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