One, Two, Many Page #6

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forthe guy by the ATM.

Aw, come on , dude,

you have to hook me up.

Howmuch is the meter?

lt's fiive, but l can't.

l'll give yo

twice as much

if you let us in.

Come on , above the fare.

Nah, it's wrong.

l'm waiting forthe guy.

l can't.

Clark!

Come on , man, l'm never

going to get a cab

this late at night.

Do me a favor,

hearme out.

l'll give yo $20

before you start the meter.

How does that sond?

All right,

get in, get in.

Go

Hey!

What are you,

kidding me?

Clark

Oh, cabbie, wake up!

Wake up, cabbie!

Wake up!

What's the weirdestthing

that's everhappened to you?

Mm, one time a guy asked me

to sh*t on his head.

Yeah.

Oh...

Uh-oh.

gurgling

Jennifer

Oh, God!

How can you eat that?

That spicy food would have me

running to the bathroom.

You kidding?

l got one of those

cast-iron stomach.

Ugh, you're lucky.

No, l'm a man, baby.

My stomach

is built forwar.

laughing

Oh, yo 're going

to be sorry.

gurgling

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. oh...

Help! Help!

Stop! Help!

Help! Stop!

Let go

Help! Help!

Oh, God.

This is awful.

Let go

farting

gurgling

toilets flushing

farting

plopping

farting

plopping

farting, plopping

grunting

grunting

farting, plopping

screaming

grunting

Oh! Oh!

whispering

What?...

l wonderwhat she ate.

sotto voce

Oh, no

Holy sh*t.

Oh, no

farts

Hello?

Excuse me?

high voice

l'll be out in a minute.

Ugh! Sorry!

Wait a second, yo 're not

even in a wheelchair.

nervous laugh

Ate some bad stuff.

Come on , already.

farts

Aw, sh*t.

Get ot ofthere already.

l'll be right out.

farting

bang

Come on !

normal voice

Just give me a break!

Come on !

bang

Hello?

bang

bang

Come on , l've gotta

take a sh*t!

bang

Ugh.

toilet flushes

l mean, do you everthink

why the national debt

keeps getting higher?

Justthink, if the president

just taxed everybody

anotherdollar,

we'd just wipe

the whole thing ot?

Hmm.

sighs

Come on .

men laughing

ding

Hello.

Hello.

Hey, dude, let me

ask you something.

lfl say hello,

why can't yo respond

with hello?

ls that thatfuckin' hard?

ls that gonna ruin

yourwhole freakin' night?

Hello.

There.

Did that hurt

yourtonsils?

You must be having

a bad night.

Yes, l am!

You're very observant,

Sherlock, aren't you?

Who's this,

yourpartner?

You, Watson,

do you speak?

Do you? ordo you

communicate telepathically?

Because ifyou do,

could you hear

what l'm thinking now ?

ding

He says you can go

f*** yourself, too.

Nowhowthe f*** did he know

l was thinking that?

sighs

What's going on?

Honey, she's gotta leave.

l'm sorry.

You took too long.

What the f***

is this?

You knowwhat?

lt's really okay.

l'm getting

kind oftired anyway.

What?

Just relax.

Relax?

l was just all over

Manhattan getting cash.

Look, l gotta go.

l'm sorry.

Do you have my $500?

$500,

are yo kidding?

Hey, it's not my fault

you didn't have the money.

Just pay her.

Oh, my God.

Night. Be safe.

So that's it, huh?

You knowwhat, honey?

lt's okay.

We will do this

anothertime.

Jesus Christ,

this sucks.

lt's kind of funny

if you think about it.

lt's kind of funny?

ljust wiped my ass

with a hundred bucks.

l thought itwas 500.

Goddamn ATMs

only give you 20s.

Come on , cheer up.

We'll getthis right

one ofthese days.

Now come on ,

let's get crazy.

Wait. Howmuch is this

going to cost me?

laughs

Come on .

whistles

Hmm.

l don't know , Thomas.

l've been thinking

maybe l should settle down,

start a family.

Afamily?

Jeez, Ern,

what brought this up?

yelling in foreign language

Hmm.

Huh.

Well, l don 't know.

l'm not getting any yonger.

My mom keeps

bugging me to spawn.

Ernie, do yo ever

do anything

that yourmommy

doesn't tell you to do

yelling in foreign language

Sure l do.

Like what?

l don't know .

She wanted me to be a doctor

ora lawyerand l'm not.

That's because you got

a 400 on yourSATs.

l gota big date

tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Howmuch she charge?

Actually,

it's nota real date.

lt's one ofthose

Jewish singles dating things.

What the f***?

Whoa !

gibberish

Let's just go by the hole;

she'll neverhit it there.

Leave it to this cheap

public golf corse

to team us up

with the yin-yang twins.

Hey, Ernie, Jenniferand l

are going to go see

Darla weddings

play tonight.

You wanna come?

No, man.

l gotthis

Jewish singles thing.

Ow! oh!

Jesus Christ!

yelling in foreign language

opening soda can

yelling in foreign language

...chubby!

Hey, yell at me,

l'll f***ing--

Hey, hey!

Calm down, Ernie.

Calm down.

Lunatic!

Nobody's gonna tell me

Howto make a newfriend

l'm on my own again

Thank you and have

a good night.

lsn't she great?

Eh, she was all right.

laughs

l'm just kidding.

She's great.

l need a drink.

Come on .

All right.

Hey, man,

you got a Guinness?

Uh, Guinness.

Uh, uh, l...

Tom . Tom Burns.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's me,

Dorman Howell.

Oh, Dorman Howell.

Howyo doing, man?

l'm good, man.

Howyo doing?

How's it going?

lt's going good, man.

This is my girlfriend

Jennifer.

Hey, there.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, there, yourself.

chuckles

Did you guys

enjoy the show?

Yes.

Yeah, she was great, man.

She's really good.

l dig it, l dig it.

Hey, do you guys wanna--

you guys wanna meet her?

l'm-- l'm friends with her.

Get otta here.

Yeah.

You're friends

with her?

Yeah.

You have a friend?

Shh!

l got...one.

God .

He was hated in college.

He's gonna get us backstage.

Exceptforyo .

Thanks for remembering.

laughing

You guys wanna

get backstage?

Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah.

Come on .

l'll introduce you.

Oh, my God.

All right, let's go.

You owe me forthis.

l know.

laughs

crowdwhistles, cheers

Hey.

whistles

Hey, baby.

Good to see yo .

Darla, come here

for one sec.

Darla, this is

Jenniferand Tom .

They're friends ofmine.

Hi, Darla.

Hey.

Big fan, big fan.

Thank you.

Thanks forcoming.

Oh, it's wonderful

to meet you.

Yeah, you, too.

Thanks forcoming.

Darla, Tom's an old

college buddy of mine.

You might recognize him

from the Sprint PCS

commercials.

Yeah, l'm the guy

that places a call

to a monkey.

Oh, of corse.

Yeah, like you saw it.

Not really.

l didn't think so

No, l don't

think so, either.

Drinks?

You'd ladies

like some drinks.

Oh, yes.

You calling me a lady?

l think l am.

Yeah, l'll have a beer.

Are yo buying?

Oh, yo are

such a cheapo.

Good, good, 'cause

l have no money.

Oh, God.

Wild Turkey.

Hello?

Uh, yeah,

what she's having.

Oh. well, really?

l gotta tell you,

you were really

great tonight.

giggles

Thank you.

So, howlong have you

been with Thomas?

Oh, like six months.

Wow , six months?

That's a long time.

chuckles

Good foryou.

Are yo faithful?

Well, yo know,

we have an arrangement.

Sort of.

Really?

What, so yo 're

allowed to cheat?

No, but, uh, we--

He--We...

...are with otherwomen.

At least,

we would like to be.

Well, that sounds like

a really good

arrangement for him.

l hope you getto be

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