Open Season Page #4

I'm in the garage.

Who's got a place in the garage?

It's me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah--

- Hey, buddy?

- Yeah?

Do me a favor, will you?

It's gonna sound silly, but will you--?

- Ah, forget it.

- What?

Come on. I'm here for you.

Will you sing me

that "teddy-bear picnic" song?

Absolutely. The what song?

Well, Beth always sings it to me,

you know, because it helps me sleep.

- Okay. I'll give it a shot.

- Thanks.

Once there was a magical elf

Who lived in a rainbow tree

He lived downstairs

From a flatulent dwarf

Who was constantly having to pee

One day the elf could take no more

So he went and banged

On the rude dwarf's door

And what do you know

They suddenly both were married

Good night, Boog.

I'm sleeping in the garage.

I'm sleeping in the garage.

Come on, Mr. Weenie.

Beg. You can do it.

Come on. Beg.

Bob, he won't listen.

Bob, show him how to beg.

Dog worship.

Oh, my!

- You folks all right?

- What? No, no, no! He's--

Taken you hostage. I know, I know.

You're safe now.

I've got the enemy neutral--

There, there, Mr. Weenie.

Are you all right, baby?

You're the sweetest

little weenie I ever saw.

Don't be fooled. He's one of them.

- Who?

- The enemy! The bear! That deer!

All them animals!

I have seen the future.

It will start in small towns

like Timberline.

Soon, it'll spread.

They will invade from burrows,

caves, petting zoos.

If I don't stop them...

...it'll be a total reversal

of the natural order.

They laugh at old Shaw,

but you'll see.

The truth will be revealed.

We know exactly what you mean.

- You do?

- We're scientists. Well, of sorts.

And we're trying to secure

photographic documentation...

...of a real, live homo-sasquatchus.

- Homo-say-what?

- We're looking for Bigfoot.

Bigfoot--? I didn't realize

I was talking to a couple of wack jobs.

Don't trust him.

Pets are double agents.

The moment you turn your back,

he'll shiv you!

Oh, no, he can't. We had him fixed.

Boog?

Boog. Are you awake?

- I am now.

- Awesome.

I was watching you sleep last night

and you were like a little angel.

Except for you're fat

and snoring like:

We're gonna work on that, though.

I invented this cure

where you stick your whole hand...

- ...in your mouth.

- How long before we get to Timberline?

Oh, by nightfall. Easy.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Hey, you wanna see

something stupid?

Well, then we better get going.

Right. We're on a tight schedule.

I'll carry your load.

Oh, no. Whoa, wait.

Look, you gotta be real careful with

him, okay, because he's real delicate.

Want a fishy cracker?

No. I'll eat when I get home.

Listen, girlfriend.

You wanna find a man like my Ignacio,

you gotta check your look.

What are you saying? I'm black

and white. I go with everything.

You go fine with everybody.

Maybe that's your problem.

- Ain't those the same two skunks--

- I had some thoughts on the show.

- My show?

- The lady in the shorts has gotta go.

She's slowing us down. It's gotta

be fresh, new. I want some jazz.

I'm the star, and the people out there

come to see me...

...a grizzly bear.

I see.

You get to have the career while

I stay home and look after Dinkleman!

He's not even mine!

I don't get to have a dream.

Is that it?

Buddy.

Don't you think

I might like a little singing...

- ...a little dancing, a little:

- Elliot.

But no. All I ever hear is, "How long

until we get to Timberline, simple?

- How long until we get home?"

- Elliot! Are those the same beavers?

- No. All beavers look alike.

- Hey! Tiny dancer!

Yeah, that's right! Shake it, shake it!

- Let's see some moves!

- Elliot!

Yeah.

Elliot, this is the same dang dam.

We've been going in circles!

Circle. One time around.

You don't even know

where we're going.

Got them, Lorraine!

- What was that?

- Hunters?

- What are they doing up here?

- Okay, boys. Take cover!

- Boog, we gotta hide.

- I'm out of here.

Boog, wait! Don't go out there!

Hey, tubby, stop! Hey,

this ain't a load-bearing structure!

Oh, that's bad.

Rosie, in here.

- Stop. Get off.

- Buddy, buddy, buddy!

Crud.

Shaw!

Dinkleman!

You're gonna be okay!

We're gonna die and you know it.

No one around here

to save you this time, boys!

Paddle, Boog! Paddle!

Grab a boulder! Grab a boulder!

Left, left. Right!

Oh, like you know.

Where is he?

He's gone. Oh, there he is.

No, wait. There he is. There he is.

- Why, you little--

- There he is.

Quiet, I'm trying to drive.

Faster, Boog!

Like fishing and hunting

at the same time.

- Give me a hand, Boog! Hold me!

- Stop. Get off! Elliot, get off. Get off!

Stop!

Dinkleman?

You. You did this.

- Yeah, that's right.

- What did I do?

You dragged us down

to the hunting grounds.

- Yeah, where are we gonna hide?

- We're sitting ducks out here.

And it's open season!

All right, all right. That's enough.

Guys, it's not his fault.

Oh, you're right, Elliot. It's your fault.

- My fault?

- Yeah.

If it weren't for you

I'd be home right now.

None of this

would've ever happened.

You said you knew the way back,

but you lied.

I-- No.

Okay.

Okay, maybe--

I thought if you hung out with me

then maybe you would like me.

Oh, man. I trusted you, Elliot.

I'm sorry, Boog.

We're still partners, right?

You know, Elliot, I'm better off alone.

What about us?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, what about us?

Us? There's no us.

You're not my problem.

And you? We're done.

- But-- Boog, wait.

- Done.

- Oh, no.

- Thanks for the license, Gordy.

All right, guys. Good luck.

- Hey, Earl. That a new truck?

- Yeah. Check it out. Jealous much?

You okay?

I put him way above the falls.

I hope I did the right thing.

Don't worry, Beth. I'm sure Boog

is happy in his new home.

Stupid nature.

Civilization.

Hello?

Excuse me. Is anybody home?

Oh, sweet porcelain.

And the crowd goes wild!

Now, there's gotta be

a fridge in here somewhere.

Oh, no.

Deers, skunks, beavers.

I gotta hide.

That bear's turned them all.

Here you go, Lorraine.

There, you get good and dry.

Come morning,

we got a rebellion to crush.

And then I'm gonna

take back what's mine!

Elliot.

Someone's been eating my candy.

Somebody's been sitting in my chair.

Somebody forgot to flush!

And he's still here.

Come back for your bear,

Goldilocks?

Ready or not, here I come!

If you go out in the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise

If you go out in the woods today

You better go in disguise

'Cause every bear

That ever there was

Was gathered there

Together because

Today's the day

The teddy bears have

Their picnic!

Hey, bear! There ain't nowhere

that you can hide from me!

As soon as I get mine:

Blowing their heads off!

Good time.

Elliot.

No buddy.

Elliot, you've gotta hide.

The hunters are here.

He's gonna give us away.

All right! Bring it! Bring it!

- Boog?

- Hey, buddy.

What are you doing back here?

Come on. I couldn't go home

without my partner.

- I don't have a partner.

- Elliot.

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