Orange Is the New Black Page #3

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PIPER:

Are you gonna do it?

ALEX:

Of course!

PIPER:

Hold my hand.

ALEX:

No. I need to hold my nose.

PIPER:

Okay. Fine. Ready?

ALEX:

Ready. On three. One. Two.

THREE!

Piper summons all her courage and strength, and then flings

herself off the rock, shrieking as she plunges into the green

gorge below. She bursts the surface, laughing.

PIPER:

Whooooo! That was awesome! Holy

sh*t. Alex? ... Alex!

Where’s Alex? Alex is still above on her rock. Alex is not

going to jump. Alex is shaking her head and climbing back

up. Piper is alone in the water with the thundering falls.

PIPER (CONT’D)

F***.

LARRY (O.C. PRE-LAP)

(sotto)

She is not a happy person.

CUT TO:

INT. STANSBURY LOBBY - A FEW MOMENTS LATER

PIPER:

Shhh! Stop it.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 16.

Piper and Larry stand before a seemingly unhappy FEMALE C.O.

(”Corrections Officer”) who sits behind a raised desk,

talking on the phone. The room has chairs, lockers, a soda

machine. It is spotless and cold and institutional.

FEMALE C.O.

(into phone)

Self-surrender. No one told me

either.

(re:
papers)

Paperwork is here. Name is

Chapman. Yeah. Chap. Like when

your lips get all dry they’re

chapped?

(she covers the phone with

her hand)

Have a seat.

(back into phone)

Piper. Rhymes with sniper.

Piper and Larry sit. Larry unzips his small cooler bag.

LARRY:

You hungry?

PIPER:

Not really.

LARRY:

Eat anyway. I got you burrata,

tomato and basil on baguette with

balsamic drizzle.

PIPER:

Thanks.

Larry hands her a gorgeous sandwich wrapped in wax paper. He

also pulls out two Diet Cokes and a bag of gourmet chips of

some kind. They have a picnic.

PIPER (CONT’D)

You think I’m the first Seven

Sisters grad to eat burrata in the

lobby of a federal penitentiary?

LARRY:

Nah.

DISSOLVE TO:

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 17.

INT. STANSBURY LOBBY - LATER

Only wrappers are left.

has been mostly eaten.

Coke cans smushed. A lovely brownie

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STANSBURY LOBBY - EVEN LATER

Piper and Larry are on their phones. He’s playing Scramble.

She’s on her website -“thepipebomb.com.” We should see it.

LARRY:

What are you posting?

PIPER:

“Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.”

Here. Lean in.

Piper snaps a shot of the two of them. He’s trying not to

lose his Scramble round so he keeps his eyes on his screen

and his fingers moving.

PIPER (CONT’D)

You know how to post stuff, right?

LARRY:

Piper, I set it up for you.

PIPER:

Pete set it up for me.

LARRY:

With me. There. I made him a

latte. If there’s a problem I’ll

call Pete.

(re:
Scramble)

Look. I spelled labia. But it

wouldn’t take labias with an s. Is

labia already plural? Like

aircraft?

(Off Piper’s look.)

Lemme see it.

She hands him the phone. He looks over her website. We do

too. Scroll Scroll.

LARRY (CONT’D)

Prison address. Amazon wish list.

Visiting hours. Directions. This

is all great.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 18.

PIPER:

When you get home, you need to have

Pete upload a link to the

visitation form. Please keep it

updated.

LARRY:

Of course.

PIPER:

But not too updated. I need

everyone to write to me. It has to

leave them wanting more. It’s not

a blog.

LARRY:

It’s not a blog.

PIPER:

And you have to show my mom how to

get on it.

LARRY:

So she can forward a link to all

her friends? Or is it already in

the tennis club newsletter?

PIPER:

You mean my,

(finger quotes)

“Volunteer work in Africa?”

LARRY:

I bet they’re all appalled that

you’ve gone somewhere so filthy and

dangerous.

A scary looking woman in uniform walks in.

SCARY C.O.

Chapman!

The two of them stand up quickly. Holy sh*t.

PIPER:

Yes. That’s me.

SCARY C.O.

Who’s this?

PIPER:

My fiance.

Is this it?

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 19.

SCARY C.O.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

PIPER:

Excuse me?

SCARY C.O.

He’s gotta leave before I take you

in. That’s the rule. You have any

personal items?

PIPER:

Um. Here.

Piper hands her manila envelope to her. She opens it up.

Self-surrender instructions from the U.S. Marshals, legal

paperwork, list of friends’ and family addresses. She pulls

out a cashier’s check for $290.00.

SCARY C.O.

Can’t take this.

Scary hands to check to Larry.

PIPER:

But I called last week. They told

me to bring it!

SCARY C.O.

He has to send it to Georgia, then

they’ll process it. Take a few

weeks.

LARRY:

Few weeks? Doesn’t she need to buy

things?

SCARY C.O.

That’s how it is.

PIPER:

Where do we send it?

SCARY C.O.

Hey, you got that Georgia address?

The unhappy C.O. behind the desk looks for the address. The

Scary C.O. pulls a stack of photos out of the envelope.

Family, friends, Lady Bunny...

SCARY C.O. (CONT’D)

Any Nudie Judies in here? Skin

pics? Naughty stuff?

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 20.

PIPER:

No. No Nudie Judies.

Off the pictures we...

CUT TO:

INT. NEW ENGLAND HOUSE - FLASHBACK - LIVING ROOM

On the grand piano are silver framed photos of Piper and her

brother, young, smiling. Piper cheerleader. Piper graduate.

Piper and family. Everyone smiling. But as we pull back,

here’s the family and no one is smiling. Mom CAROLINE, dad,

BILL, brother, CAL, Grandmother, CELESTE, Piper and Larry.

PIPER:

I never carried drugs. Just money-

CAROLINE:

You were a lesbian?

PIPER:

At the time.

CAL:

Are you still a lesbian?

PIPER:

No. I’m not still a lesbian.

LARRY:

You sure?

CELESTE:

I kissed Amanda Straley when I was

at Miss Porter’s School. But it

wasn’t for me.

BILL:

(to Larry)

Did you know about all this?

LARRY:

No. I didn’t. I mean, she told me

how she travelled after college.

“Oh, Larry. Indonesia is amazing.

You’ve never been to Brussels? We

have to go back to Thailand.” But

she failed to mention the lesbian

lover who ran a drug smuggling

ring. Imagine my surprise.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 21.

CELESTE:

What on earth did you do with the

money?

PIPER:

Well, Grandmother. I wasn’t really

in it for the money.

CELESTE:

Oh, Piper. For heaven’s sake.

CUT TO:

INT. STANSBURY LOBBY - LATER

SCARY C.O.

Time to say goodbye. It might be a

while ‘til you can visit. Fiance.

Piper hurls herself into Larry’s arms. Holds tight. Talks

into his neck.

PIPER:

I love you. I love you so much.

LARRY:

I love you too.

PIPER:

I’ll call as soon as I can.

LARRY:

Okay.

PIPER:

Send that check immediately.

LARRY:

I know. I will.

PIPER:

I love you. Take my phone. I love

you.

Hug tighter. Break. Larry goes back in. Kisses her head.

LARRY:

Bye.

Larry rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. Makes for

the door. Piper will not cry. Will not cry. Larry’s out

the door. Slam. Will not cry. Will not cry.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 22.

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