Orcs! Page #3

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Whoa!

Whoa. whoa. whoa. Cease fire!

What was it?

Well. First of all. It's a chipmunk.

Second of all. He's dead.

Those the drums you heard?

Yeah. That's really freaky.

Oh. My gosh.

Oh. My gosh!

It's those damn kids!

Alright. You little punks.

You had your fun.

You trashed your own camp.

faked a bear attack. Congratlllations.

Oh. My God!

Run!

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go!

Some maniacs murdered

those poor pot-smoking kids!

I mean. who would do

such a thing?

It wasn't Big Foot!

Don't be ridiclllous.

Big Foots don't use bows and arrows.

We gotta evacuate the rest of the park

before someone else gets killed.

What about Marge? She's lead ranger!

She is not lead ranger. Hobie!

We are both GS-9s. OK?

You and I are gonna handle this.

You and me!

You take the west fork on the ATV.

I'm gonna clear out the east.

Get the main gate shut down.

head back to Marvin's.

Hey! Take this just in case.

I'm sorry! I'm going! I'm sorry!

Go. Go. Go!

Attention. Park patrons.

Please remain calm. But there is

a horde of bloodthirsty murderers

heading your way.

Please leave everything...leave

your belongings and...and r...go away.

Leave far. Far away.

Hey. Girls.

If you happen to run into what

looks like an apelike man. A Big Foot.

a sasquatch or serial clllt rapist.

please run for your lives.

'cause he killed a really cute teenager

who was using illegal drugs.

but she probably

was a good person still.

I. Uh. Think you may have

missed a spot. Uh... Uh... Yeah.

Just a little bit right there. Yeah.

Here?

You never can be too careflll.

You know. Skin cancer. It's a real killer.

So. Uh...

Also. There's been

a brutal dismemberment in the park

of at least one patron.

possibly four.

What?!

Technically. It's more of a decapitation.

So. Uh. I'm afraid we're gonna

have to evacuate the park.

Oh. My gosh!

Why don't you toss your tushes

in the jeep and follow me out of here?

1 0-. 1 0-. Cadet Hobie approaching

with an all clear.

I repeat. An all clear.

That's all clear.

Everybody left the camp in a hurry.

Everyone's gone.

Are you sure we're not missing anyone?

Yep. Pretty sure.

The western campers?

Check.

The camp toilets?

Uh. Check.

You got the golf course?

Hey. Walter.

Hey! Jackass!

Get off the fairway!

Don't worry - I'm sure those rich

papa's-boy corporate-monkey a**holes

are fine. OK?

Look. There's no reason

to be alarmed.

When the time comes to be alarmed.

we'll be alarmed. Now's not the time.

OK.

They'll be fine on the golf course. OK?

They've got their clubs

to protect them.

We failed them.

Well. Let's not get carried away.

They probably just left in a hurry

when they saw everyone else leaving.

Come on. Let's go.

A golfer lay here.

And another.

He crawled.

Hobie. Buddy.

We really got to...get...

Please tell me you're not LARPing.

The others fied.

And they were followed.

Hey! Looks like one of 'em

lost a shoe.

These tracks

lead away from the battle.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

202 to 205. Over.

Ah!

205 here.

What the hell have

you two ickw as one now?

Why i you

evacuate my park. You. . .

. Morons?

It's not your park. Marge. And. Uh...

I. Uh...

What?

We have a. Uh...

a...a situation here. Marge.

What are you blathering about? liot!

Are you high again?

No! And I'm not blathering. OK?

We. Im...

Look. Just sit tight in the station

and we'll be there soon.

l swear to Go. Robertson. L'm gonna. . .

205 out.

We have to do it. You know.

Do what?

We have to rescue Marge.

Yeah. well. Let's get Marv first. OK?

She can wait.

What now? More tracks?

So?

What is that?

This tooth did not come

from a human. Look at it.

I'd rather not. Thanks.

I think I have an idea

what we're dealing with here.

Let me guess. Big Feet?

Think you'd better not tell me.

Marvin?

Marv?

Marvin. You in there?

Marvin?

I found him.

Should we put him

in the truck?

Marge! Thank God!

Never thought I'd say that.

These damn things are all over my park!

It's not just your park!

Is the rest of the store clear?

What?! Yeah.

Good! Then what I want you to do...

Idiots...

Hobie!

It's an orc!

No. It's not. There's no such thing.

But it's right here!

Where did it come from?

How did it get here?

I don't know. And I don't care. Let's just

get the hell out of the park. Hobie! Now!

We need to call the National Guard.

We just need to get to a payphone and...

Oh. Hell no!

Isn't this the only road out of the park?

Yep.

So. How are we gonna get out?!

I'm working on it!

Well. You need to go faster!

Go! Go! Go!

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go!

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go!

Take the wheel!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hobie. Look out!

You did it! Yeah!

Are you OK. Buddy?

I think so.

I got you. Come on.

Here you go. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Let's go! Go. Go!

What... What are you doing?

You OK?

My ankle. I think I sprained it.

That's just great.

Can you get off me now?

Come on. Let's go.

Will you marry me?

What the hell are you doing here?

You're welcome?

OK. Thank you.

What the hell

are you doing here?

I was going to the uranium mine

when I ran into one of these things.

What'd you do?

I killed him. And I took this.

What were you doing

at the uranium mine?

Something you would never do.

Taking responsibility.

Oh!

Wow. Responsibility.

That's...that's right.

That's your fancy word for 'terrorism'.

Wow. You are so unbelievable.

You know what?

Let's talk about this another time. OK?

We are 20 miles outside of town.

We got to get going.

He can't walk 20 miles! Look at him.

Sure he can. He's tough.

Right. Hobart?

I'm fine.

Don't be ridiclllous!

Your ranger station's not far from here.

We can hole up there.

then llse a radio to call for help.

We got to get out of here!

There's at least a dozen of these things.

Maybe more. For all we know.

The station's only a mile away.

It's the safest place here.

If we start walking...

..we don't stand a chance.

Hobie can't run.

I'll go on foot

and I'll bring back help.

20 miles?! A man in your shape?

It'd take two days.

Besides. Hobie and I need to go

to the ranger station anyway.

You have weapons there. Don't you?

Marge says she has an Uzi. 9mm.

Yeah. Yeah. That could work. Yeah.

Dammit!

What?

The key.

OK. You stand guard out here.

Hobie and I'll be back in a minute

with the key.

You sure you two

can manage in there by yourself?

You know. She thinks she's some kind

of Amazon warrior with that bow.

Like we can't take care of ourselves.

Hey. we're trained professionals.

Well. I'm a trained professional.

You're just a volunteer.

She did save us.

Let's just get this over with. OK?

Sure she has the key on her?

Yep.

From her cold. Dead fingers.

Wish it was that easy.

Maybe it's...maybe

it's in her shirt pockets.

Oh. That's it! That's it. I can't do this.

Maybe it's in her bra.

That's where my stepmom

keeps her cell phone.

Ah! Ah!

Oh.

Ah!

Bingo.

Keep it safe.

Oh. That's not...

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