Our Idiot Brother Page #4

And, seriously,

congratulations on your wins.

I love you, Ned, bye.

Cite Ohio v. McNally, Doug.

Oliver Wendell Holmes 101.

Yeah, I'll be in in about 40 minutes.

We can talk about it then. OK.

- You're so smart.

- Thanks, baby.

- You really have to go?

- Yeah. I do.

OK...

You know, Ned... Uh...

. maybe you should wait here. I've got

to do an interview with Tatiana,

- which could be a little sensitive.

- Really, how so?

Well, it's too sensitive, you know,

even to discuss.

- Wow.

- Why don't you chill out in the car,

- while I go and do it.

- Yeah.

- Do you need any help?

- No, just chill out in the car.

All right.

Come on.

How we doing this evening?

Good. Good. Everything's great, officer.

I'm on parole.

- Any trouble here?

- No, no trouble at all.

My brother-in-law's doing a documentary

up in the building up there,

and I'm just...

This is my job, to watch this.

No trouble, we're not breaking the law.

You're in a 24-hour tow zone.

You gotta move this vehicle,

tow truck's behind me.

Well, all right.

Thank you for your service.

Ahh.

Just gotta get the keys!

Dylan! Dylan!

Dylan!

- What the hell are you doing?

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,

I just really need the car keys.

I told you never

to interrupt me when I'm working.

Yeah, sorry about that, man.

I need the keys, we're gonna get towed.

Wait, wait, wait. Why are they towing

the car? What the f*** did you do?!

- I didn't do anything.

- That was your one responsibility, Ned.

Your one responsibility!

Hey, Tatiana. Sorry!

Ned, interviewing is an art form.

When you ask someone to be vulnerable

or naked, you have to be naked too,

to make them feel comfortable.

- That make sense?

- Yeah, I guess.

Great.

This piece is about Destiny's House.

We need more details about her.

- This woman's been through a lot.

- I know.

Robbie, we agreed

with the publicist not to go there.

The publicist

is not writing this, Miranda.

You are.

Your job is to break through to her,

get her to show a little leg.

- Come on, you're so charming.

- I know.

You begged me

to get you this assignment.

You want to get your first story killed?

It's just getting to be too much.

River's inteview is in three days time.

I want him to be...

"enigmatic, erudite,

wise, incandescent."

I can't just kick him out.

I'll talk to him.

What, you just decided unilaterally?

No, it's just he's family, Dylan.

I can't just turn my back

on him for no reason.

Well, can't one of you just take him,

please? He's driving Dylan crazy.

No, all we have is that storage room

and Dan's friends from the Ukraine

are staying there.

There's, like, six of them.

I can't do it. I've got a crazy

deadline, I really need to focus.

OK, well, thank you guys for your help.

I need to find you.

Cato!

What? Where did you go?

Hiya!

So, River, I like your name.

It's better than Echo.

- Echo?

- That's my sister.

River was conceived in India,

near the Ganges.

So what kind of things

do you like to do, River?

- Fighting.

- Fighting?

- What kind of fighting?

- Kun Gek Do.

River, why don't you tell Judith

about the shehnai?

He's very, very good, actually.

- When his hand has healed...

- Kun Gek Do.

I've never heard of that one before.

Tell me about that.

It's totally cool. Some of the moves

are just like Taekwondo.

You know, kicking...

and chopping.

What's special about it is that the guys

can also throw and choke you...

- Whoa!

- That's enough! I'm so sorry.

Seriously, I have no idea

what he's talking about.

Oh, God!

Riv, where'd you learn about this?

- Uncle Ned and I found it on YouTube.

- YouTube? What?

- Ned's so funny.

- Tell me about Uncle Ned.

He just got out of jail.

In Japan, for protesting about whales...

like the slaughter of whales.

I thought you said

he sold drugs to a policeman?

Oh.

None of this would be possible

if it wasn't for this amazing woman,

Rachel, who is a personal hero

to all of us girls.

All right!

It's lovely to see you. Thank you.

- Arabella, hi! That was amazing.

- Thank you, Miranda.

And you look great.

Whose dress are you wearing?

- Mine.

- You're so clever.

- Thanks for coming.

- Seriously, though, I'd love to know...

I don't understand.

So this cop, he just came up

- and he had the hat, the badge...

- Yeah.

Well, no, he didn't have a hat.

I just thought he was, like, you know...

"Brother, help a brother out,"

you know?

I don't even...

- You're laughing at me.

- I'm not laughing at you.

- You're totally laughing.

- I'm laughing at the story, not you.

Here's the thing, I...

I live my life a certain way.

And that is that I like to think that

if you put your trust out there,

I mean, if you really...

give people the benefit of the doubt,

see their best intentions,

they're gonna want to live up to it.

It doesn't always work out, clearly.

But, more often than not,

I think that if you do,

people will rise to the occasion.

I really believe that.

It's very sweet, Ned.

You think I'm an idiot

like everybody else.

No, I don't think you're an idiot.

I think that's a really good way

to live your life.

I mean, I'm the same.

At least, I was, yeah.

Until I met the f***ing Chilean.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

What happened?

So, I mean, I didn't stab him,

I just was trying to scare him.

You must think I'm a total psychopath.

I think you're f***ing awesome.

I do. Hey, you wanna

go out with me sometime?

Oh. No, not really. But thanks for

asking. That's really sweet.

You should have seen him, Ned.

He was flying around the room

like a maniac.

I mean, Kum Kak Do,

is that what it's called?

- Kun Gek Do.

- What?

- Kun Gek Do.

- What were you thinking?

Liz, every time he sees

those boys doing karate in class,

you should see the look on his face.

He so badly wants to be there.

Dylan and I aren't interested

in those values, Ned.

Sorry.

You know, he's just a little boy.

Little boys fight.

Doesn't mean he's going to grow up

to be a frat-boy rapist.

I'm sorry.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Here, Ned. It's just a little something.

Look, I know you tried.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.

No, no, no, I am.

Wait, what?

How much more do you need to move back

to that sheep farm, or whatever?

Three hundred.

- Oh, yeah, Ned.

- Oh, my God, are you...? Miranda.

- Here you go, there's $300. Go home.

- Wait, Miranda.

- Thank you so much.

- OK, I love that she paid you off,

but not, like, the full amount.

Well, you know, she has her own way

of doing things.

They both do, I mean...

Hey, you wanna hear something weird?

Do you know that Dylan

shoots in the nude?

What? That's... disgusting.

Well, I mean, not all the time,

just certain situations.

Like, if Tatiana's nude,

then he has to be nude.

- It makes her feel more comfortable.

- Why is Tatiana naked?

Why is anybody naked?

It's to shoot her scars of oppression,

or something.

Oh, please. He's f***ing her.

Man, I had a feeling about that.

God, I just didn't want to believe it!

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