Our Relations Page #4

One Welsh rarebit.

(Smashes)

- Who done this?|- (Both) He did!

- Hey!|- Eh? What?!

l'll get you for this! l'll get you for this!

(Smashing and banging outside)

- Who was that fella?|- How should l know?

- When did you meet the two girls?|- When did l meet the girls?

You must know them,|they knew us when we came in.

What are you talking about?

You can confide in me, l can keep a secret.

Will you get this through that thick skull

that l don't know those girls|and they don't know me!

- ls that the truth?|- Certainly.

Well, we should go and tell Momma and|Bubbles they've done us a terrible wrong.

We'll do nothing of the kind.

- l'm going to teach them a lesson.|- How do you mean?

We're going to stay out all night

and we're not going home|until they come to us and apologise.

Good idea. We'll give 'em|enough rope to hang ourselves.

Hello buddies, what's the trouble now?

Oh, we just had an argument with the wives.

Yes, we're going to teach them a lesson,|aren't we, Ollie?

Yes, and we're going to stay out all night.

- Yeah, till nine o'clock.|- That's funny, l'm in the doghouse too.

Well, we're all in the same boat.

Say, let's all make a night of it.

That's a very potent suggestion.

(Both) All for one and one for all.

- All...|- Shakespeare.

- Longfellow.|- Washington.

- What goes down the flue?|- A good slug of liquor.

- Right!|- Bartender!

No more drinks. You've had too much|and you two guys haven't had enough.

- What do you mean?|- No lip or l'll throw you all out.

Look through there.

Oh-oh!

(Bell tolling)

(Snoring)

What time is it?

Four bells, and all is still wet.

Looks like Finn isn't coming back.

l told you that an hour ago,

but you had to give me the argument about|''everything comes to him who waits''.

- What should we do?|- That's entirely up to you.

You thought of a way to get us into|this mess, now think of a way to get us out.

The only way l can see|is to go and get the waiter,

take him to the ship, have the Captain|pay the bill and get his ring back,

then we'll pay the Captain on the next trip.

- He might be a bit mad...|- That's a very, very, very good idea.

But how are we going to get to the waiter?

We can't go out dressed like this,|we wouldn't get to first base.

- Never thought of that.|- Hm.

Well...

- Say, you know what?|- What?

Why don't we dress up|like those guys in Singapore?

What guys in Singapore?

The fellas that look like Eskimos.|The guys that walk around with rugs.

- Eskimos.|- Yeah, we borrow these quilts

and put some towels round our heads|and nobody'd be any the wiser.

- We could go and get the waiter...|- Hm.

That sounds screwy to me.

But any old port in a storm.

- lt might be a good idea.|- You've gotta be right once in your life.

l'm looking for two sailors from the|Periwinkle, a little fellow and a big fat one.

The two guys with the pearl ring?

How did you know they had a pearl ring?

l saw it. They gave it to me as security|and l gave it back when they paid.

- Where are they?|- They were with a drunk, l threw 'em out.

They're probably in another joint -|er, beer parlour.

Thanks very much!

Now, let me do the talking.

- Good evening, Mr Grogan.|- Good evening.

- lt's possible you don't recognise us but...|- Oh, yes l do.

What was the last thing l said to you?|Didn't l tell you to get out?

No, the last thing you said was, ''Right!''|Didn't he?

Quit clowning. What do you want?

We've figured out a plan|so we can get our ring back.

- Yeah, you see...|- Oh, what are you two talking about?

The ring - the ring we left as security.

Yes, and l gave you back when you paid.

- You didn't give anything to us!|- We never paid.

Are you saying l'm a thief|and l stole that ring?

That's the way it appears to us.

- You'd better give that...|- Shh.

Look through that.

Just a moment.

Ow!

Oh-oh!

What?!

(Sighs)

(Clink, groan, thud)

What are you trying to do?

Ow!

(Police siren wailing)

(Excited chatter)

Mr Laurel!

Mr Hardy!

(Ollie) l'm not going in that thing!

(Policeman) Get up! Get in!

(Dogs barking)

(Siren wailing)

(Telephone)

lf that's them, tell 'em we're not home.

Hello?

(lnaudible)

What?

My goodness, don't tell me!

Thank you very much!

- What's the matter?|- That was Mrs Adelquist.

Stan and Oliver have been arrested

and they're taking them|to the police station! Oh!

Oh, this is a fine state of affairs!

Oh!

Come on, sit down there.

(Speaking Arabic)

- What did he say?|- l don't know.

- Do you speak Arabic?|- Oh, no, sir.

We're a couple of Singapore Eskimos.

Oh.

- l'm sorry.|- (Man) What's the idea?!

Hey, Mr Clerk, we'd like to see Judge Polk.

- lt's very important.|- Please give him this card.

- l'll ask him.|- Thank you.

(Gasps) Oh, lover!

- Oh...|- Betty! Betty!

(Betty) Oh...

- Come this way.|- Thank you.

Did you see that?

- l wonder who they are.|- l don't know.

They're a couple of vacation killers.

- ''Vacation killers''?|- Yeah.

A guy goes to jail for a swell vacation.

These welfare workers get him out.|They make me sick.

Huh, first time l ever saw a welfare worker.

- Me too.|- Funny-looking dames.

l don't know, l liked that big fat blonde.|(Chuckles)

- The little one wasn't so bad.|- Cute.

And you see it really is our fault,

and if you're not too harsh on them|l think they'll behave in future.

l know my lover will.

What do you mean?|He's just as much to blame as Poppa was!

- He's not!|- l think he started it!

Now, now, now, don't worry,|everything's going to be all right.

lf you'll step into that room,|l'll have a heart-to-heart talk with them.

Oh, judge, you're so sweet.

(Buzzer)

Laurel and Hardy! Step this way.

(Laughter)

(Laughing)

Where on earth have you fellows been?

And how in the world|did you get in those outfits?

- Well, it was like this, we...|- Tell me later, l've got to open court.

l don't know what you boys have done|but l'm going to overlook it this time.

But you've got to stop|this gallivanting around.

- There's a time and place for everything.|- Yes, sir.

You've got two lovely girls,|why don't you appreciate them?

Will you do that?

Whatever you say goes, judge.|We're in your hands.

That's fine.

Girls...

l've just had a talk with the boys

and l suggest that you all get together.

Come on, boys, give them a great big kiss,|and let bygones be bygones.

Get off of him!

That's splendid. Well, see you later.

- Do we have to come back here?|- Not if you behave.

But my advice is to stay out of beer gardens.

lf you want to have a good time go to a|high-class place where there's less trouble.

Now, don't forget.

Have you seen this one?

Not now, some other time.

(Coughs)

Here, we brought you some clothes.

As soon as you're dressed|we'll take his advice

and go to a high-class place|for a good time.

lf you promise never to get into|any more trouble, we'll forget this.

- lt's all right with me.|- How about you?

- l'll do anything to get out of here.|- Lover...

Oh, come on, we'll meet you outside.

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