Pauly Shore Is Dead Page #4

- I can't believe Carrot Top livin' in my house.|- [ scoffing Laugh ]

I can't believe I'm movin' back home|with my mom.

- We had some good times at your mom's.|- Kirk, we were 1 2.

so, have you seen him?

- Kirk, have you seen him?|- Nah.

- Well, why?|- 'Cause I haven't seen him.

Well, when you gonna|see him next?

Kirk, when are you|gonna see him next?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow,|we're gonna have a drink...

and that's when|I'm gonna see him next.

When you see him, what|are you gonna say to him?

Pauly shore's a good friend. Can he come in|and read for a part in your movie?

- It'd be cool. Thanks.|-Just like that?

You gotta come from the heart, bro.|We're friends.

I will mention your name|first thing tomorrow when I see him.

I mean, it'll be fine.

It was on la-last night, and I was--|I was just flippin' channels, you know?

And I-- And I remember|seein' the ads for the newspaper...

when it was out in the theaters|and all that stuff, but I still couldn't--

Then the title was over it--|I didn't see the end credits.

It was like... Viral Boom.|You-You know, Baldwin's brother.

- Which Baldwin?|- Well, there's, like, six or something of them...

but the one who's kind of--

- He has these eyes, they're kind of-- He's like--|- Yeah, that--

- He's the other guy in it.|- That's the young one.

It's the other guy,|with the brown--

He's got kind of brown, curly hair.|He used to be on MTV.

He had the girls around|him all the time, and, eh--

Eeehh! He went all--|He always made noises.

He made noises?

I can't remember his name.|I have--

- I-I think Fisher Steven's available--|- There's a lot of guys available.

- He made me laugh.|- I make you laugh.

Pauly Shore.! Step right up,|meet Pauly Shore, former celebrity.

- [ Laughing ]|- You remember him from MTV.

Encino Man,|The Son in Law...

and all his many|television appearances.

Pauly Shore.|Now he works...

- parking cars in his mom's club.|- Parking cars in his mom's club!

Pauly shore!|Touch Pauly!

- Have a photo taken with Pauly.|- Oh! I want a picture!

-Just one dollar. Pauly sho--|- I want a photo.!

- Here you are.|- Look at this.

- Can I put my arm around you?|- Yeah.

- [ Shutter Clicks ]|- [ screams ]

- [ Laughing ]|- [ Laughing ]

- Loved you in that goofy movie!|- Yeah, it was great!

Come on, man.|You always used to love that bit.

Yeah.|But now it's true, man.

- It's no big deal.|- Give me my f***in' dollar back.

What's wrong with him?

[ Pauly ] So this is my loft.|This is where I live. It's pretty cool.

- Wow.|- Check this place out.

Is this phat or what?|It's like my little love capsule in here.

It's where I make love.

Did anybody ever tell you...

you look just like|Richard simmons?

How about you give me|your, uh, Deal-A-Meal.

Uh, okay. Yeah.

[ Moaning, Kissing ]

- Uh-uh-uh-uh.|- What?

- Not till I get my money.|- Okay.

[ Chortling ]

- Eighty-three dollars?|- Oh, wait.

Got an extra dollar tonight.|Oh, yeah.

What do you expect me|to do for $84?

- Come here, and I'll show ya.|- No.

- Where's your phone?|- What-What's the problem?

The problem?|The problem is, I get paid 500.

- Didn't Heidi tell you that?|- Look, what's the big deal, man?

At least I'm not some old guy.|Wait, wait, wait.! Look.!

soft. I'm soft.|Come here, feel.

Come here. Feel.|Look, feel my butt.

It's soft, right?|see?

- Ooh, it is soft.|- I told you. I'm like the Coppertone baby.

Ooh. [ Laughs ]|Ooh, it is soft.

- Mmm! [ Yelps ]|- [ Both Laughing ]

Now do the grim reaper reach-around.|[ Moans ]

- The what?|- The grim reaper reach-around.

- It's when you reach around.|- Oh.

[ Moans ]|Ah.!

Ow! What the hell?

You wanted to know|what I do for $84.

I just did it.

Wait.! Wait.!

- All I wanted to do was cuddle.|- You are pathetic!

[ Line Rings, Clicks ] Hi. You've reached|Jewel Denyle's residence.

I am out dancing this weekend.|If you'd like to see me feature,|I'll be at Tropical ''Lai. '"

And, um, Pauly,|if it's you calling...

- get a life.|- [ Beep ]

- [ sighs ]

- [ sighs ]

Who's there?|I said, ''Who's there?''

Uh! It's not|Howdy-f***in'-Doody.

- Kinison?|- You got that right, you little bastard.

[ Laughing ]|Ohhhhh!

What the hell|are you doin' here?

I've been watching you,|checking you out.

And as your guardian angel, I've come to|the conclusion that you'd be better off...

if you had put a bullet|through your f***in' head!

Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh!

What are you saying,|I should just kill myself?

Let me say this|in a way you'll understand.

Take your life, bud-dy.|You understand that, you f***?

Why should I do that?

You'll go down as a genius|who died before his time--like me or Belushi.

Which would you rather be,|a dead genius or a living idiot?

You idiot!|[ Laughing ]

- Dead genius.|- Exactly. Plus, the party's great up here.

''Up here''? What do you mean,|you're in heaven?

It's about who you know,|brother.

- [ Wheezing Laugh ]|- [ Pager Beeps ]

Aw, sh*t.

It's f***in' Hendrix.|He wants his Pokemon cards back.

Hey, I gotta go, Weasel.|I'll talk to you later.

- see ya in hell-- heaven. Ohhhhh!|- [ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Pauly Narrating ] Sam was right--|get out while I was still ahead...

end it all|while the iron was still hot.

The Wiez is dead...|and has been for a long time.

Now I must destroy him.

Unfortunately, there'll be|one person in my life...

who'll be devastated|with my loss.

[ Thinking ] ''Dear Mom, sorry it had|to end this way...

''but I couldn't handle|the pressures of Hollywood anymore.

''You did a great job raising me,|and it's not your fault.

''I just want to go|to a better place.

Please don't be sad.|Love, Pauly.''

- [ Gunshot ]|- [ Mom ] Pauly, keep it down.

I'm tryin'to get|some f***ing sleep.

Hi. I'm Kurt Loder|with MTVNews.

Comic and actor Pauly shore,|known to fans as the Weasel...

died in Los Angeles today|of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

The news hit the entertainment world|like a big, tragic hurricane.

He was amazing,|you know?

He was amazing--|unlike any other comic.

Pauly was deep. He had, like,|layer, layer, layer, layer.

And that's something|I always look for, as an artist.

I look for another artist|that's got layers to them.

And Pauly was, you know--|He was bundled in layers.

Pauly was the first person|to bring me to the beach.

I never would've got Baywatch|if it wasn't for Pauly.

You know, he taught me|how to mouth-to-mouth resuscitate people...

and, um, use defibrillators,|things like that.

He did have good weed though.|I gotta tell you that.

Pauly shore|had f***ing good weed.

I blazed with him|a couple of times.

I smoked his whole sack up, and then|I bounced with his girls and sh*t, but--

[ Laughing ]

At least he was good|for somethin'.

Matt Pinfield has been sampling reactions|to Pauly shore's suicide...

out in the American heartland--|not surprisingly, Pauly's biggest fan base.

Thanks, Kurt. I'm in Paducah, Kentucky,|at the trailer park home of--

- What is your name, sir?|- I'm Bucky McChristian.

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