Pauly Shore Is Dead Page #5

- [ Dogs Barking Outside ]|- [ Voice Quavering ] I'm Pauly's number-one f-an.

How did the death of Pauly shore|affect you and your family today?

[ sniffling ] It's hard|to put into words, Matt.

Uh--

Laughter is the music of the heart.

And once that joy's been taken away,|you're nothin' but an empty shell.

That's how I feel.

If you could pick one Pauly shore movie|to be your favorite...

- what would that one be?|- Man, that's hard.

[ All ]|Son in Law.!

[ Blabbering ]|Son in--Son in Law.!

That's the news for now.|stay tuned for more at 1 0 to the hour...

every hour, here on MTV.

- [ Man ] Cut.!|-Jesus! What a big deal they're makin' outta this.

- Do you believe it?|- The man was an icon.

Yeah, well, maybe we should|all shoot ourselves.

I can't believe|he's not here anymore.

Yeah, I understand,|Mrs. shore.

Nobody understands the pain a parent|goes through when they lose a child.

I tell you what we're gonna do.|We will put you in touch with Dr. kirby...

who is our after-care program|specialist--

- [ Continues, Indistinct ]|- Don't play it with me, honey. Don't cry it for me.

You raised the kid around|a bunch of drunk comics...

and now you're shocked|he took his f***in' life?

save it, lady. save it for the f***in' room upstairs,|not on the f***in' big stage.

You know what I mean, lady?

[ Child Bawling ]

It's Pauly, isn't it?

Excuse me. You guys gonna be|putting long, or what?

- I mean--|- Come on.|Can't you see the kid is obviously crying?

Don't be so insensitive.

Hi, honey.|What's wrong?

My son's not taking|Pauly shore's death too well.

Your son's crying about that loser?|[ scoffs ]

Man, me and my friends|had a party the night that guy died.

What a fake bullshit that was.|All that-- ''Hey, buddy.'' [ Chittering ]

- That Weasel sh*t. That sh*t sucks, man.|- [ Bawling ]

When they see Jury Duty--|You saw it. That was a f***in' piece of sh*t.

I mean,Jesus Christ,|give me a break.

- Take it back, pal.|- Take what back?

- Take it back, pal.!|- Take what back, old man?

Why don't you take you and|your little cryin'-ass kid to the next hole...

so me and my girl can play some golf up|in this motherf***er, right?

Come on, man. Let's play.|Let's play some golf.

- 'Cause I'm the Weasel!|- [ Crowd Cheering, Hooting ]

- [ Chattering ]|- [ Emcee ] Not bad, not bad.

Way to go, suzie.

I got her a little bit|of the moisture.

All right now. Contestant number two|is a roofer from Corona.

That's right, brother.

- stu. stu Blowser.|- [ Chattering ]

stu wants everyone to know|that he brought his lover here.

- No. My brother, dude. My brother.|- I mean, his brother here.

- Is that him?|- Do it for the family, bro!|Come on! Eye of the tiger!

All right, stu, get goin'|and do your thing.

This is a riot.|Oh, God.

Hey, what's up? Check out those cu--|Hey! Oh, wha--

Oh, f***! F***ers!|[ Groans ]

[ Disguising Voice ]|It was nice meetin' you. Okay.

This is where I'm gonna stay|if you need me.

Never seen me before.|[ Idiotic Laugh ]

What? Listen,|this is your fifth call.

The towels will be there.|Quit calling!

- What can I do for you?|- Hey, aren't you that--

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- What happened to your hair?|- I lost it.

- What can I do for you?|- I-I'm just lookin' for a room.

Obviously, dipshit.|[ scoffing ]

[ Growls ]|I'm sorry.

I've just been travelin' all day.

[ sighs ] Oh, man, I'm just|a little parched.

- All right, how long you stayin' with us?|- About a week.

Uh-huh.|Thirty-nine dollars a day.

- By the looks of you, I want you to pay me now.|- [ Yammering ]

All right, here you go.|[ Yammering ]

- [ Flipping Bills ]|- [ scoffing ]

Oh, 80-- $83.

- I've got an extra dollar. Here, here.|- Eighty-- Eighty-four dollars?

- What do you expect me to do for $84?|- [ Muttering ] Rub my ass.

- Excuse me?|- Uh, sassafras.

[ sniffing ]|sassafras. Mmm!

It's a nice fragrance|you have here, Kato.

[ singsong ] Here we go now.|I'm goin' to my room now.

Kato is bald.|[ Giggling ]

so you were all|Pauly's girlfriends?

I was. I don't know|about these bimbos.

- [ Audience Gasps ]|- shut up, you stupid b*tch!

- [ Crowd Hoots ]|- Oh, God.

You know what, when he|was bangin' you whores...

he was thinkin' of me|the whole time, b*tches.

- [ shouting, Indistinct ]|- Are you f***in' hearing this sh*t?

I don't think so!|see these boobies?

- Pauly bought 'em for me.|- [ Hooting ]

- You know what? Pauly bought me mine also.|- Oh, I don't think so!

[ TV.. Jerry springer show ]

- Pauly got me pregnant.|- [ Audience Cheering ]

[ Laughing ]

- [ Women Yelling ]|- [ Chanting ] Pauly! Pauly! Pauly!

- [ Woman screaming ]|- [ Woman ] stupid b*tch!

- [ sobbing ]

He was a genius|who died before his time.

Pauly was a comic genius.

News hit the entertainment world|like a big, tragic hurricane.

- He was amazing.

[ sobbing ]

- I've always been a Weasel believer.

[ Yammering ]

I did it! Hoo-hoo!|I did it!

[ Laughing ]

They'll freak out.

Paulywood!|What's up, b*tch?

- Goddamn.|- [ People Laughing ]|- [ Chattering ]

[ Yelling, shouting, Indistinct ]

Oh, sh*t.

What's the holdup? Come on.|We don't have all day.

[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]

Look who it is.!|Tom Sizemore.!

No, you idiot.|It's Michael Madsen.

- What's the difference?|- six inches.

[ Chattering ]

Hey, wait.! Where you goin'?|You got the wrong girl.

- What's the difference?|- ?? [ Ends ]

[ Pauly Narrating ]|Can you believe I pulled this sh*t off?.

Things turned out|way better than I expected.

News anchors|calling me a comic genius?

Hot b*tches fighting over me|on springer.

Dr. Dre tellin'everyone|he partied with me, bro. [ Laughing ]

I'm king.!

Everyone's gonna want me back...

especially|my dumb-ass girlfriend, Zoey.

She was f***in'the Spanish dude|from saved by the Bell.

Spatula.

And Carrot Top|movin'into my house?

I can't wait to beat your ass|at celebrity boxin;

- [ Monkey-Howling ]|- See ya in the ring, clown boy.

But the main thing is|is that my plan worked.

My plan really worked.|[ Laughing ]

Pauly Shore--|best actor of Tinseltown.

[ Laughing ]|See ya at the Academy, Rock.

'Cause you're a loser.!|[ Yammering ]

[ snickering ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Murmuring ]|Oh, holy sh*t.

- so, why'd you do it?|- Huh?

- I know it's you.|- Wh-What?

I know it's you, Pauly.

- You do?|- Yeah, I do. so, why'd you do it?

Look, you wouldn't understand, okay?|You're just a kid.

- Really? Try me.|- You don't know what it's like|out there in the real world.

You're probably right, but what|gives you the right to mess|with people the way you did?

And what does that have to do|with me understanding?

Look, I just wanted to be|appreciated a little. That's all, okay?

And you think people are gonna|appreciate you now?

Well, yeah, look.|I'd say so, huh?

I'm on the cover of all these magazines.|I'd say I'm pretty much appreciated.

Not when they find out|that you're still alive.

- And how are they gonna do that?|- I'm gonna tell them.

- No, you're not.|- Watch me. Hey!

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