Peter And Vandy Page #3

a new best friend he was looking

for someone to do the job.

Someone who's competent, so,

that's what I was trying to be.

Trying to be?

Honestly I don't want to talk

about it anymore.

There's really nothing else to

say. It went fine. Okay?

Okay

You hungry? You want me to fix

you a snack?

Sure. I don't see much.

There isn't. I could make you a

PB and J. You want me to make

you one?

I guess so.

Okay.

Is that what you call a peanut

butter and jelly sandwich?

A PB and J?

Yup. Why?

Did the mail come?

Mmhmm yeah it was just junk.

And a travel and leisure

magazine.

Great.

Did they mention what the

vacation time was?

No.

What are you doing?

Don't start with me.

I'm just trying to figure out

what you're doing.

I'm trying to be nice.

Are you using two knives to make

a peanut putter and jelly

sandwich?

Yeah uh, I don't want to get the

peanut butter in the jelly jar.

Okay?

Well -

Don't start with me.

Okay.

What is the matter.

I mean you're going to get the

sandwich and it's going to taste

the same.

What's the problem Peter?

There is no problem Vandy.

Like it's my fault.

You know what the problem is.

The problem is that only a

f***ing moron would use two

knives to make a PB and J?

Who do you think - give me the

knife.

Peter -

I'm not going to kill you Vandy

just give me the knife.

Fine I'll use your other one.

Now watch.

First what you do is you spread

the PB, okay.

Now you see this excess PB on

the knife? You wipe it on the

other slice of bread. Okay?

See that peanut butter sh*t

stain?

That means the knife is now

clean and ready for the J, okay?

Fuckface! Maybe if you shut up

and stopped being such a f***ing

psychopath

you might learn something.

You are a f***ing a**hole!

Oh yeah it's always me being the

a**hole isn't it?

Why don't you try taking

responsibility for your own

stupid sh*t.

I don't like doing it that way!

The knife is never clean enough!

Okay, Fuckface! Why don't you go

f*** yourself.

This bread is soft. So it will

always make the knife clean!

Unless, you're a f***ing ape,

and don't know how to do

anything.

Don't take it out on me because

you choked in your interview.

Hey who said I choked in my

interview?

Please

Hey f*** you Vandy! My

interview was fine, I nailed it

okay?

I'm the best interviewer in the

world, remember?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Did I sleep late?

What time is it?

No. I mean it's okay,

I just got up.

Oh good. Good.

Oh, you made eggs.

Yeah. I mean you were still

asleep so.

No no it's fine, I was just - I

mean I'm glad you made eggs for

yourself. I'm fine.

I'm going to go put on some

clothes. Do you mind if I don't

shower.

No of course not.

Uh, Vandy? Do you know where

that box is with the sweaters

and the pants that uh,

it was in the bottom of the

closet I never picked it up.

Yeah, uh that box isn't around

anymore.

It's not?

No.

Is it somewhere else? Existing?

No.

Oh. Okay that, no that's uh,

that's fine.

Um, actually do you still have

that sweatshirt that I gave you?

Yeah I still have it, it's in

the top dresser drawer.

Right. Okay.

That embarrasses you?

Me giving him $3?

Yes because you are a

representation of me.

I can't believe she said that to

him.

I know.

I would kill you if you talked

to me like that.

Oh shut up.

You shut up.

You talk to me like that all the

time.

Hey I do not! Don't say that.

What happened with them is

f***ed up. I didn't like that.

No you're right. Keith is a

pretty good dancer.

Look at Delia.

Alright who made the gravy?

I did. I made the stuffing too,

it's terrific.

Hey Deal's sweetie, you want

some gravy?

No. It's disgusting.

You don't like gravy? It's

delicious.

I don't eat gravy and I don't

eat Turkey.

Okay, do you want to eat

stuffing?

I eat stuffing.

Okay. Give her a little

stuffing.

V you don't know how excited I

am fir this TRIP.

I think I need it as much as you

do.

Yeah I'll be great.

Careful with the spelling she's

getting GOOD.

You know what I would actually

like to make a toast to the

Patron Saint Thomas,

thank you for what we are about

to receive.

That's very clever I like that.

Have you seen Highheeled Shoes

yet hunny?

No mom.

You should it can be so

uplifting.

Does anybody want some more

white meat?

Oh you know I got you an extra

um turkey thigh too hunny.

Thank you.

You have to keep eating you

know.

Yeah, I know.

We have eggplant parm coming so.

You know if there's anything

special you liked you just as me

okay?

Mom, give me a break.

I think she knows how to eat so.

But I mean it, just anything.

It's what I'm here for.

Just stop it.

You know Van your mother says

these things because she cares

about you.

Nice job spitting it into your

napkin hun.

I don't like stuffing either.

What! You loved the stuffing

last year. You remember how

much you ate?

Emma -

Huh? No, do you remember? You

said "I want to eat stuffing all

the time".

Emma

What?

PETER made the stuffing last

year.

Did you just spell Peter?

Yes I did, that is very good.

You know there's a Peter in her

class that's how she knows.

That's not how I know I can

read!

No I know, hun.

Is Peter coming today?

Who hunny, the Peter in your

class?

No, Vandy's husband.

You know what hunny they were

never actually married.

Emma, what are you doing?

What!

No hunny he's not.

Why?

Because he doesn't realize what

a commitment is.

Mom.

You know what, he just couldn't

make it.

Will Pete make the stuffing next

year?

You know the more you make

things up the more question's

you're gonna get.

Peter and I aren't friends

anymore.

Why?

You know what, hunny. Peter

wanted to be friends with other

people

while he was friends with Vandy

and you're not really allowed -

Emma - what are you doing?

Well -

You can have more than one

friend

That's exactly right sweetie.

Yeah but Peter wanted to be

friends with this one person,

and he wasn't really allowed to

be friends -

Okay that is not why everything

happened.

Peter just wasn't a very nice

person.

Mom! Honestly! Sorry.

Peter was a nice person,

didn't you think?

Yes.

Yeah, he was nice. I don't know

why we're not friends anymore.

He was funny.

Yeah he is funny. He's a good

person and he didn't do anything

wrong.

Jesus Christ.

Mom.

No one did anything wrong.

Hey.

You alright?

Yeah.

Nervous? Everyone seems to love

your painter.

Yeah I know I sold two more of

her paintings.

Wow, that's amazing.

Hey should I buy one?

Do you like them?

Uh yeah, yeah.

You don't have to buy one.

You sure?

Yeah.

Are you happy?

Of course.

Well you should be.

Do you want to meet my parents?

They're going to be in town next

weekend.

Yeah, I should.

I don't want to twist your arm.

No, fine, it's fine. Yeah.

We'll go for a dinner.

'Kay. I'll find us a place.

Where do you want to go?

No, no, no, my secretary will

take care of that.

She gets hooked up everywhere so

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