Phffft Page #4

Of course not. Just pretend they're not here.

Do you think I should go over there

and speak to him or something?

- Send a note?

- Certainly not.

Just ignore them.

I wouldn't go over there anyway

with her mother there.

As a matter of fact,

I blame this whole thing on her mother.

Really? I've always thought

she was a charming and attractive woman.

Charming and:
She's an interior decorator.

I hate interior decorators.

Do you know what she wanted to get us?

A round bed.

- A what?

- A round bed.

- That's an interesting idea.

- She thought it would be very chic.

So I said, "All right. " So I get the round bed...

...now where do I get the round sheets,

and the round blankets...

...and the round pillow cases?

She never thought of that.

Waiter, I'll have one more of the same.

Thank you.

I don't know, I just have no use in this world

whatsoever for interior decorators.

Am I boring you?

No, not at all.

I was just thinking about that round bed.

We never had any interior decorators

in that old apartment of Nina's.

With that crazy old bed.

It used to go "whoosh"

when it came out of the wall.

Just like that, it used

to just go "whoosh" when it came out.

Whoosh!

Whoosh.

I've got a confession to make.

I broke into your house while you were away

and redid your entire bedroom.

You shouldn't have done that.

You'll never believe it until you've seen it.

And that darling bunny on the eighth floor

at Lord and Taylor's.

...promised to make you a round quilt.

I'm no longer interested in beds.

You've got to stop brooding this way.

You've got to try

and make a successful adjustment.

I've seen this coming for a long time.

Well, she can do anything she wants

to Nina's bedroom now.

Anything she wants to at all.

Look at him! Sitting there belting martinis

with Charlie Nelson.

Look at him.

I don't know what's going to happen to him

and I don't care.

Probably live on whiskey

and French-fried potatoes.

Get fat, lose all his clients.

I don't know what he's going to do

and I don't care.

I don't know why

I ever married him in the first place.

I was afraid of being an old maid.

I wasn't nearly this attractive then, either.

I didn't realize

that there are certain women like me.

who get more attractive as they mature.

I thought by the time I was 30

I was going to be lined and gray.

How did I know

I was suddenly going to blossom out.

...into a raving, screaming beauty

with my own television show

...and an income of $40,000 a year?

How did I know?

I'm well out of it, that's all.

I'm free, free!

You don't know what that means.

And I'm going to enjoy it.

El Morocco every night and men,

millions of men!

Poor, miserable creatures

groveling at my feet!

I'm going to be a combination

of Sadie Thompson...

Forever Amber and Scarlett O'Hammer,

all rolled up into one.

I'm going to be passion's plaything.

- Welcome back, Miss Chapman.

- Thank you.

Camera one.

I think we've won, Serena.

I think we've won.

- Congratulations, Nina.

- Thank you.

Congratulations, Nina.

- Great to have you back.

- Thank you, thank you.

I am so proud of you, my darling.

So terribly, terribly proud.

It was nothing, Serena. Nothing at all.

I merely did my duty.

You took a desperate chance, John,

dynamiting the water works.

I merely did what I had to, Serena.

The water was contaminated.

You need some rest, John.

You haven't slept in the past three nights.

What about you, little Serena?

For the past three nights

you've been by my side...

...fighting this epidemic with me.

It's different for a woman somehow.

Easier.

Without you, Serena, I never

could have stopped this terrible epidemic.

But you did it, my darling.

That's all that matters. You did it.

We did it, my darling.

We did it.

Well, that does it.

- It's a real good show.

- Thank you.

All right, boys, wrap it up.

Hello, how are you?

- Welcome back, Miss Chapman.

- Thank you very much.

- Nice seeing you, Miss Chapman.

- Nice seeing you.

- Hello. Thank you.

- Wonderful show.

- Did you have a nice trip?

- Fine, thank you.

Good, glad to hear it.

Well, Rick Vidal!

Well, hello.

Hey, before these wolves have a chance

to tear you apart...

...let me get my claim in, huh?

Are you free for dinner tonight?

Yes. I guess I am.

It's a wonderful feeling.

I haven't been free for anything

in eight years.

Sure, sure. I'm free for dinner.

I'm glad I got there firstest with the mostest.

Say, you know,

you ought to watch yourself, darling.

This town is just full of guys

who are waiting for gals like you.

It is?

- 8:
00 then?

- 8:
00.

I'm staying at Mother's, 516 Park.

- Just ask for Sadie.

- Sadie?

Thompson.

Cab, please.

You look ravishing, Miss Thompson.

Or may I call you Sadie?

You may call me Sadie or Amber or Scarlett

or anything you want.

I think I'll just stick to darling.

- Where would you like to go?

- I don't know.

It's been so long since I've been out.

- Where have they got?

- Just leave it to me.

We'll go where there's music,

soft lights, dancing.

- It sounds delicious, simply delicious.

- It will be, I promise.

A rumba,

to me the most exciting of all dances.

- Shall we?

- No! I mean, no.

I feel silly, but I never learned to rumba.

Robert and I were going

to take lessons together...

- But we never did.

- It's easy.

- Let me teach you.

- Oh, no. I'd rather not.

This has been so lovely.

I don't want to spoil it all

by stepping all over your feet.

That's impossible. You couldn't do that.

Lovely. Lovely.

Absolutely exquisite.

- Yes, you.

- Well...

Darling, I've an idea.

I know a wonderful place.

It's very dark and very quiet...

- where we can talk.

- But I sort of like it here.

Oh, no. This place?

The place I know is much better,

much more intime.

- Where is this place?

- My apartment.

- Your apartment?

- My apartment.

Well, I've never been to a man's apartment.

Except, of course, my husband's.

And that was all right,

because I lived there, too.

- You know what I mean.

- Yes, I know.

I think it's charming.

Terribly, terribly sweet and charming.

- You do?

- Yes, I do.

Well, you certainly have

a very forceful personality...

...and you sort of smell good, too.

All right, let's go. It sounds lovely.

It will be. I promise.

Nice place you've got here.

Just a simple bachelor's apartment.

Come on, sit down.

Come on, sit here by me.

Don't be afraid. I want to talk to you.

Nina, I can't tell you.

...how very much I've wanted the chance

to get to know you better.

To have you get to know me.

There's so many things I want to tell you.

So many things I'd like to do.

Yes.

Well, first of all, that dame that plays Serena

louses me up every minute we're on the air.

Now let's face it, Nina.

You know as well as I do

that this is the man's show.

I carry the entire program right on my back.

Now, I've been thinking...

I don't want to tell you

how to write the scripts, of course...

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