Phunny Business: A Black Comedy Page #6

LIKE PLACES HERE.

I'M MEXICAN.

I LIVE IN L.A.

WHAT ARE YOU?

HONDURAN.

OH, YOU'RE MEXICAN.

AH, I GO TO MIAMI.

I'M CUBAN.

SEE, WHAT AM I IN NEW YORK?

PUERTO RICAN.

SEE YOU KNOW ME SHUT UP.

PUERTO RICAN, SHUT UP!

THAT WAS ONE OF THOSE JOKES

THAT LEAD BLACK PEOPLE TO GO,

WOW, WE DON'T HAVE THAT.

HE'S GOT TO DEAL WITH THAT,

THAT'S NOT, WOW.

ONE DAY A TAPE ARRIVED AT THE

CLUB FROM A COMEDIAN NAMED

HONEST JOHN.

HE WAS NOT AT ALL WHAT I

EXPECTED.

ONE OF THE THINGS THAT ALWAYS

WORKED FOR ME IS, I WOULD GE UP, I WOULD SAY WELL, THANK

YOU FOR COMING OUT AND

SUPPORTIN' BLACK COMEDY, AND

THE AUDIENCE WOULD GET A KICK

OUT OF THAT.

HONEST JOHN...HE CAN BE A

LITTLE TOO HONEST.

I'M A WEED SMOKER.

BLACK PEOPLE AND WHITE PEOPLE

SMOKE WEED DIFFERENT.

WHITE FOLKS TAKE A HIT PASS I ON.

BROTHER WILL HOLD ON TO THA SH*T TILL TUESDAY.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE

AUDIENCE THAT CAME OUT WERE

JUST COMING TO ALL JOKES, AND

NOT COMING TO SEE ME, AND I

SURPRISED THE HELL OUT OF

THEM.

ANDRE KELLEY WAS ANOTHER

COMEDIAN WHO SURPRISED ME.

I'M FROM A SMALL TOWN IN

KANSAS.

WHEN I GOT HERE I THOUGHT YOU

GUYS WERE THE RUDEST FOLKS I

EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

MY FIRST DAY HERE I WAS TRYING

TO BREAK A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL

AT THIS CRACKHOUSE AND UM...

I FIGURED THEY HAD MONEY YOU

KNOW.

THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME IN

THE DOOR, THEY ASKED ME FOR

I.D., DISRESPECTFUL, RUDE, AND

NASTY, THEN I REALIZED I WASN'T A CRACKHOUSE IT WAS

JUST DENNY'S.

MARY LINDSEY PULLED ME TO THE

SIDE BASICALLY ASKED ME TO DO

GAY MATERIAL THE SECOND NIGHT,

AND I HAD NEVER TALKED ABOU THIS WITH ANYBODY AT THE CLUB.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE KNEW.

AND SHE SAID, YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT I'M ASKING YOU?

I'M LIKE UH, YEAH.

ALL JOKES ASIDE WAS THE ONLY

STAGE THAT I CAME OUT AS A

BLACK GAY MAN IN CHICAGO.

SCREENING TAPES WAS A GOOD WAY

TO LEARN ABOUT TALENT FROM

AROUND THE COUNTRY, BUT FOR

LOCAL ACTS, RAYMOND DEVELOPED

OTHER METHODS.

I STARTED HAVING LOCAL

COMEDIANS DO GUEST SPOTS AND

OPEN MIC NIGHTS AT THE CLUB.

I FOUND A LOT OF NEW TALEN THAT WAY.

DAMON WILLIAMS AND DEON COLE

WERE AMONG THE BEST.

TV BE RACIST AND EVEN WITH THE

POWER RANGERS, YOU KNOW WHA I'M SAYING?

IT'S FIVE OF THEM.

WHAT THE BLACK GUY GOT ON?

BLACK.

AND EVERYBODY KICKING THE ALL

MONSTER'S BUTTS.

AAAH-HAH, AAH-HAH.

BUT THEN WHEN IT COMES TO THE

BLACK PERSON, WHY THEY GOTTA

LIKE BUST A SNAKE BEFORE THEY

KICK SOMEBODY TEETH OUT?

I ACTUALLY MET RAY LAMBER BEFORE I EVEN KNEW HE WAS A

COMEDY CLUB OWNER.

I USE TO WORK AT THE BOARD OF

TRADE.

I USE TO SEE RAY IN THE

BUILDING ALL THE TIME.

I THINK TONY AND I WERE BOTH

SHOCKED TO SEE EACH OTHER A MY OPEN MIKE NIGHT, BUT I WAS

CURIOUS ABOUT HIS MATERIAL,

BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A

COMEDIAN.

AND DON'T GET ME WRONG I DON' REALLY HATE MY KIDS ENOUGH TO

LIKE PUT THEM IN A CAR AND

DRIVE THEM TO THE LAKE.

LIKE THAT OLE CRAZY WHITE LADY

DID.

'CAUSE SEE THAT'S THE

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLACK

PEOPLE AND WHITE PEOPLE.

BLACK PEOPLE, WE JUST THREATEN

TO KILL OUR KIDS, FIVE OR SIX

TIMES A DAY.

WE BE WANTING TO TAKE THEM TO

THE LAKE, BUT OUR CAR MIGH NOT MAKE IT.

WE BE IN THE DRIVEWAY LIKE

THIS, COME Y'ALL WE BE GETTING

READY TO GO, COME ON Y'ALL.

GGGGGGUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGUH...

DAMN!

RAY'S CRASH COURSE IN COMEDY

AND COMEDIANS SEEMED TO BE

PAYING OFF FOR THE CLUB.

ACCORDING TO SOME, HE HAD

GREAT COMEDY INSTINCTS.

BUT OTHERS FELT HE WAS GETTING

TOO SELECTIVE.

SOME OF US COULDN'T GET IN IN

THE BEGINNING BECAUSE THERE

WERE CERTAIN TYPES OF COMICS

THAT IT APPEARED THAT THEY

WERE SELECTING.

I WOULD CALL RAYMOND AND BE

LIKE YOU GOT SOMETHING FOR ME

THIS WEEK, HE'S LIKE NAW, NO THIS WEEK MIKE.

BUT NEXT WEEK.

I WAS TRYING TO GET IN ALL

JOKES FOR A LONG TIME LIKE A

SLAVE TRYING TO GET FREEDOM.

EVERYBODY WANTED IT, AND

EVERYBODY DIDN'T GET INTO ALL

JOKES.

IF YOU CAN GET BOOKED HERE, BE

A HEADLINER AT ALL JOKES

ASIDE, YOU KNEW THAT, YOU

KNOW, YOU WERE CONSIDERED IN

THE UPPER ECHELON OF COMEDIANS

WORKING AT THAT TIME.

RAY LAMBERT HAD STRONG ACTS

OPENING FOR STRONG ACTS SO IF

YOU WERE CLOSING THE SHOW YOU

HAD BETTER BE KINDA OF

AMAZING.

OVER TIME I GOT REALLY GOOD A PROGRAMMING A NIGHT OF COMEDY.

FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULD I PUT A

PHYSICAL COMEDIAN WITH AN

IMPRESSIONIST OR MAYBE A

STORYTELLER? BUT I MADE MY

SHARE OF MISTAKES.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME I BOOKED

HONEST JOHN AND DEON COLE ON

THE SAME NIGHT.

ONE TIME I CAME IN TO ALL

JOKES ASIDE AND UH DEON COLE

WAS ON THE SHOW WITH ME.

HONEST JOHN COMES IN AND HE'S

LIKE YOU SMOKE WEED AND I'M

LIKE YEAH.

WELL COME, COME ON LET'S, YOU

KNOW, I'LL SHOW, I'LL, I'LL

GIVE YOU SOME OF MY CALIFORNIA

WEED.

AND HE ROLLS THIS WEED I HAVE

NEVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

AT THAT TIME CHICAGO WEED

COULD NOT COMPARE TO

CALIFORNIA WEED.

HE WAS JUST LIKE DON'T, DON' TAKE A LOT OF HITS ON THIS.

I TOLD HIM, JUST TAKE A COUPLE

HITS.

I'M A WEED CONNOISSEUR, I'M

LIKE HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW

TO SMOKE?

IS YOU NUTS?

I'M SMOKIN' AND SMOKIN'.

MAN, BOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES

LATER DUDE I JUST LIKE, MY

VISION, LIKE, WHAT IS THIS

CALLED, PERIPHERAL? IT WAS

GONE.

MY HEART WAS BEATING.

ONLY THING I COULD SEE WAS

STRAIGHT AHEAD AND IT WAS

GETTING NARROWER AND NARROWER.

I'M JUST LIKE OH MY GOD, LIKE,

I PROMISE, I PROMISE I WILL

NOT SMOKE EVER AGAIN IF YOU

JUST LET ME LIVE.

I WAS LIKE, I STOPPED

BREATHING OR SOMETHING.

LIKE, LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T PAY

ATTENTION TO BREATHING, LIKE

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO JUST COME.

I'M THE REASON HE GAVE UP

SMOKING WEED.

HAVEN'T SMOKED SINCE.

SMOKED ONE TIME, BUT I WAS IN

AMSTERDAM, BUT IT'S AMSTERDAM

RIGHT?

RAY HAD WORKED HARD TO

UNDERSTAND AND RESPEC COMEDIANS.

AND HE WANTED JUST A LITTLE

BIT OF RESPECT BACK.

SO HE THOUGHT IMPOSING A FEW

SIMPLE RULES ON THEM WOULD BE

NO BIG DEAL...RIGHT?

YEAH RAYMOND HAD RULES BUT,

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS FOLLOWED

THE RULES ANYWAY BEING FROM AN

IBM BACKGROUND.

HE HAD IBM TYPE RULES.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE RULES

WERE, BUT I COULDN'T ABIDE BY

'EM.

YEAH, RAYMOND HAD HIS RULES I

SAID LOOK HERE MAN.

I GOT OUT THE MILITARY.

I DON'T HAVE A SERGEANT NO

MORE.

RAYMOND LAMBERT HAD A LIST OF

RULES, BUT ONE THAT I REMEMBER

MOST WAS STICKING WITHIN YOUR

TIME.

SFX:
TICKING CLOCK

RAYMOND INSTRUCTED COMEDIANS

TO KEEP THEIR ACT WITHIN A

CERTAIN TIME FRAME.

A FLASHING LIGHT AND CLOCK

WERE GENTLE REMINDERS.

WHEN THAT LIGHT FLASHES YOU

BETTER GET YOUR ASS UP OFF

THAT STAGE OR WHAT'S YOUR

GONNA HAPPEN IS THAT YOUR NO GOING TO GET BOOKED ANYMORE.

SFX:
METAL HI MARY AND RAY ARE TIME TITANS.

DO YOUR TIME GET THE HELL OFF.

AM I RIGHT?

FIRST TIME I FEATURED AT ALL

JOKES, MARY WAS LIKE, YOU WEN FOUR MINUTES OVER.

I'M GONNA START CUTTING YOU

MOTHERFUCKERS CHECKS.

I WAS JUST LIKE, WHAT?

YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU... I'M

SORRY.

HOWEVER YOU WANT TO WORK IT,

IT'S A MONETARY FINE IF YOU

DON'T RESPECT THE TIME.

THAT'S WHEN THEY'D BE LIKE, SO

RAYMOND?

AND I WAS LIKE, YOU'LL SEE HIM

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