Phunny Business: A Black Comedy Page #7

TOMORROW.

IN A COMEDY CLUB EVERYTHING IS

BASED ON MANAGING TIME:

SEATING CUSTOMERS, SERVING

DRINKS, THREE COMEDIANS PER

SHOW, THREE SHOWS PER NIGHT.

IF ONE COMEDIAN GOES OVER

THEIR TIME THE WHOLE NIGH COULD BE RUINED.

SFX:
EXPLOSION

D.L. HUGHLEY AND I DID A SHOW

AND I THINK D.L. WENT OVER

SLIGHTLY AND RAYMOND ACTUALLY

IMPOSED A FINE.

UNDER OUR BREATH WE WAS

SAYING, YOU KNOW, THIS GUY IS

CRAZY.

OH, AND IT DIDN'T END WITH

TIME.

RAYMOND'S RULES EXTENDED WELL

BEYOND THAT DIMENSION.

THEY HAD A LANGUAGE CODE; THEY

HAD A DRESS CODE FOR THE

COMICS.

IF YOU WERE GONNA BE THE

HEADLINER YOU'RE EXPECTED TO

DRESS NICELY.

YEAH, DRESS THE PART.

THE OLDER CATS GOT IT.

THE YOUNGER CATS, NOT SO MUCH.

I HAD SOME GYM SHOES ON AND I

WAS TRYING TO GET IN THE CLUB.

AND WE HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY

TO GEORGE HOUSE TO GET SOME

DRESS SHOES.

I REMEMBER CHECKING INTO THE

HOTEL AND THEM TELLING ME THA YOU HAD TO WEAR A DRESS SHIRT.

YOU TALKING ABOUT THE T-SHIR ERA.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WEAR A

DRESS SHIRT TO COMEDY CLUBS.

YOU CAN'T JUST COME HERE WITH

YOUR TIMS FLOPPING AND YOUR

BIG PANTS.

THEY HAD MADE ME GO GET A SUI COAT AND A TIE TO PERFORM.

A TIE TO PERFORM?

I EVENTUALLY RELAXED THE DRESS

CODE, BUT IT I THINK IT SERVED

A PURPOSE.

IT DEVELOPED A DISCIPLINE IN

THOSE OF US THAT WERE THERE

THAT YOU CARRIED WITH YOU

THROUGH THE REST OF YOUR

CAREER.

I THINK THAT CLUB MADE A LO OF COMEDIANS GROW UP AND

BECOME PROFESSIONAL COMEDIANS.

IN A CLUB LIKE THAT WHERE

YOU'RE REALLY TRYING HARD TO

MAKE A CLEAR IMPRESSION ABOU HOW YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO RAISE THE

STANDARDS FROM TIME TO TIME.

ALL JOKES ASIDE IS A COMEDY

CLUB THAT MEANS IT IS A

WORKPLACE FOR COMEDIANS.

IT'S A PROFESSION.

TREAT IT LIKE A PROFESSION.

RAYMOND ALSO HAD ANOTHER RULE

REGARDING HECKLERS.

PART ONE APPLIED TO COMEDIANS.

PART TWO, TO THE AUDIENCE.

THIS IS GREAT THAT YOU GUYS

ARE PART OF IT.

THIS IS GREAT THAT YOU WANNA

YELL STUFF OUT.

WE LOVE THAT, BUT AS SOON AS

IT INTERRUPTS THE FLOW OF WHA THE COMICS DOING, YOU GOT TO

BE QUIET.

THERE WAS A RULE THAT YOU

COULDN'T REALLY ATTACK

HECKLERS.

SOMEBODY MESSES WITH YOU HI HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES AND MOVE

ON.

HECKLERS ARE THE LOWEST FORM

OF LIFE. THEY ARE ONE STEP

EVOLVED FROM THE AMOEBA.

HECKLERS THINK THEY'RE HELPING

YOU, BUT YOU'RE NOT HELPING

ME.

IT'S LIKE BEING IN BED WITH A

MAN, AND HERE'S SOME OTHER

GIRL WALKING UP GOIN', I'M

HERE TO HELP YOU.

IT, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

I'M READY FOR A HECKLER, IF

YOU MESS WITH ME I'LL EMBRASS

YOU, AND WHEN ALL FAILS...

SECURITY!

AT FIRST I WOULD KIND OF

APPEAL TO THEM, HEY LOOK

BROTHER I'M JUST A SISTER

TRYING TO, YOU KNOW, DO MY

JOB.

THEN I MIGHT GIVE THEM A

WARNING.

OKAY, YOU GOT ONE MORE TIME

BEFORE I START TO TALK ABOU YOU AND BEFORE I TALK ABOU YOU, I'M GOIN' START WITH YOUR

MAMA.

WOMEN ARE THE WORST. WOMEN ARE

THE WORST.

ONE WOMAN SAID, YOU GOT BIGGER

TITTIES THAN ME.

I SAID, WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?

THESE ARE NATURAL MA'AM.

I SAID THE LAST TIME YOU GO YOUR TITTIES SUCKED THOSE

PUPPY DOGS DIED, DIED OF

BOTULISM.

SO I ALWAYS CARRY A TOWEL TO

WIPE MY FACE.

A GUY YELLED OUT, HEY MAN

WHAT'S THE TOWEL FOR?

AND I'M LIKE, I'M IN THE

MIDDLE OF A BIT AND I HAVE TO

STOP TO ADDRESS, AND HE SAID

YEAH MAN WHAT'S THE TOWEL FOR?

I SAID, TO WIPE THE CUM OFF

YOUR MAMA'S BACK.

AND THE AUDIENCE LOST IT.

HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING AGAIN

AND I, AND AS SOON AS I SAID

IT, AND I LET THE CROWD DIE

DOWN, I SAID, YOUR TURN.

NO, NO USUALLY A HECKLER GOES

AFTER PEOPLE WHO ARE NO FUNNY.

NO, ALL Y'ALL WHO HAD GOOD

STORIES ABOUT HECKLERS, THERE

YOU GO.

I NEVER HAD A HECKLER, CAUSE

I'M FUNNY.

AN ONGOING CONCERN FOR ALL

COMEDIANS IS MONEY.

AM I GOING TO GET PAID?

WHEN?

AND HOW MUCH?

WHEN YOU SHAKE THE HAND OF A

CLUB OWNER, GENERALLY YOU NEED

TO WASH YOUR HANDS RIGH BEHIND IT.

HEY MY BROTHER, UH, CAN WE

TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

I KNOW ITS FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLE

IN HERE RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND

THAT.

TICKETS DIDN'T SELL THE WAY WE

THOUGHT THEY WOULD.

BUT I TOOK A LOSS CAUSE HALF

OF THEM WAS COMP TICKETS.

UH, SO YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE

NO MONEY.

HEY LOOK MAN, I'M A GIVE YOU

MY WATCH AND LIKE, WHAT?

AT ALL JOKES, GETTING PAID WAS

NEVER AN ISSUE.

WHEN ALL JOKES ASIDE CALLED,

YOU KNEW THAT MONEY WAS

GUARANTEED.

SO EVEN IF THEY HAD TWO PEOPLE

OR A THOUSAND PEOPLE, YOU

STILL GOT PAID WHAT THEY SAID

THEY WERE GOING TO PAY YOU.

I NEVER HAD TO THREATEN THEM

ABOUT MY MONEY.

I NEVER HAD A CHECK BOUNCE.

I'D HAD A CAREER OF NO GETTING MY MONEY, BEING LEF AT THE AIRPORT, BUT THE DAY

THAT I GOT THERE, FIRST THING

RAYMOND SAID, THIS IS TOTALLY

DIFFERENT.

YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOU THAT.

AND I DIDN'T.

WORD ABOUT RAY'S THRIVING CLUB

WAS BEGINNING TO SPREAD.

IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE TV CAME SNIFFING

AROUND.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

JUST FINE HOW ARE YOU?

WELCOME TO ALL JOKES ASIDE.

THANK YOU.

YOUR NAME?

RAYMOND LAMBERT.

ARE YOU A COMEDIAN?

NOT A COMEDIAN, BUT I KNOW A

GOOD ONE WHEN I SEE ONE.

YEAH, I DID SOME LOCAL SHOWS

LIKE "BEN LOVES CHICAGO" WITH

BEN HOLLIS AND "MINORITY

BUSINESS REPORT", BU EVENTUALLY COMEDY CENTRAL, A

NATIONAL NETWORK, COMMITTED TO

A SERIES TAPED FROM OUR CLUB.

WELCOME TO COMIC JUSTICE I'M

YOUR HOST A.J. JAMAL YOUR

LOOKING GOOD, GIVE YOURSELF A

HAND. AND ABOUT THAT SOMALIA

DEAL. WHY ARE WE GIVING THEM

RICE AND GRAIN?

KICK SOME GRAIN OUT OF THE

AIRPLANE JUST "BHHHHHH".

YOU HUNGRY, YOU WANT A

SANDWICH, SOME LARGE FRIES,

SOMETHING TO DRINK, A SHAKE.

KICK ME OUT A HAPPY MEAL!

WE GOT A FULL SEASON OUT OF

COMIC JUSTICE AND THAT REALLY

HELPED SOLIDIFY OUR NATIONAL

REPUTATION.

B.E.T. ALSO CAME TO OUR CLUB

TO FILM TALENT FOR THEIR

SERIES COMIC VIEW.

DON D.C. CURRY WAS ONE OF OUR

REGULARS THAT APPEARED ON THA SHOW.

SO THAT'S WHAT BOTHERED ME

ABOUT THE CONTROVERSY WITH THE

MISS AMERICA PAGEANT.

A LOT OF THE CONTESTANTS GO TOGETHER, THEY WERE RAISING

HELL.

SAYING IT OUGHT TO BE BASED ON

THE INTELLECT. IT'S BEAUTY

CONTEST!

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT HOW

SMART YOU ARE!

THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS OF DEF

COMEDY JAM:
RUSSELL SIMMONS,

STAN LATHAN, AND SANDY

WERNICK, THEY KEPT A CLOSE EYE

ON OUR CLUB.

THEY HAD BOB SUMNER AND WORTHY

PATTERSON BOOK A LOT OF TALEN FROM ALL JOKES.

HALF OF THE CLIENTS WE BOOKED

ON DEF JAM HAD PERFORMED A ALL JOKES ASIDE.

IT WAS GREAT TO SEE OUR

REGULARS LIKE MIKE EPPS

DESTROY ON DEF COMEDY JAM.

AIN'T NOTHING LIKE BEING IN A

FINANCIAL CRUNCH AND HAVING A

WHITE FRIEND IN YOUR LIFE.

HAVE A NIGGA FRIEND IN YOUR

LIFE AND BE IN A FINANCIAL

CRUNCH, YOUR BLACK ASS JUST BE

IN A CRUNCH.

DAMN I'M BROKE NIGGA!

YEAH, YOU'LL BORROW MONEY FROM

A WHITEBOY AND YOU DON'T NEVER

GIVE IT BACK.

BILLY RAY YOU GOT TWENTY

DOLLARS I CAN BORROW?

GODDAMN IT!

YOU ALREADY OWE ME EIGHTY, BU HERE ,SH*T.

EVENTUALLY RAY GOT TIRED OF

HELPING EVERYBODY ELSE MAKE

THEIR TV SHOWS, AND DECIDED I WAS TIME TO FUND A SPECIAL OF

HIS OWN.

IT RAN ON THE LOCAL NBC

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