Pineapple Express Page #3

- Got my persona.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey. Put that cross joint out.

He sees that, he'll never

get the f*** out of here.

- What's up, Chris?

- Yo, hey, Saul.

- Hey.

- How you doing, buddy?

All right, homes. Good.

- Who's this?

- Hey. Oh, that's my friend Mark.

You got the dough? There you go.

- Appreciate it.

- Nice. Good to meet you, Mark.

- Do you have any Percocet, please?

- Percocet?

What are you talking about?

I don't sell that sh*t.

- Chris.

- Chris.

You told him I was

gonna sell Percocet?

- I didn't say anything about Percocet.

- What the f***?

- I just wanted a couple Percocets.

- Well, I...

You came to the wrong place.

Wrong place.

- Sorry.

- Yeah, nice. Peace out, homes.

- Thank...

- God.

- What the f***?

- Yeah.

- F***ing lingerer.

- Yeah, totally.

- Lingerer.

- Hardcore.

F***.

- Bums me out.

- Bums me out too.

If there's one quality

I hate in a person, it's lingering.

- That's right. You and me both.

- Yeah, yeah.

So I'm curious. What have

those people done that you go...

...and process and service?

I don't know. It's always

something different, I guess.

This guy...

Ted Jones, who knows. You know?

- Ted Jones?

- Yeah, why?

My guy, Red, who I buy from,

he gets his stuff from a Ted Jones.

- Really?

- Maybe it's the same guy.

That'd be weird.

It's a pretty normal name,

I guess, but...

Anyway, I should really

get going, man. I gotta go.

Duty calls, but it's good to see you.

Thanks.

You're gonna smoke and run?

Come on, man.

We can go look at some crazy things

on the Internet together.

That sounds appealing,

but you know what? I'll tell... Here...

I'm gonna run out of weed in

a couple days. I'll come by, hang out.

- We'll watch 22 7 and sh*t.

- Definitely.

Cool, man. Well, thanks.

Good to see you.

- Peace, brother.

- Okay.

One love.

When you got behind

on the mortgage...

When you got behind

on the mortgage...

... someone finally

made you a loan?

Yes, he did.

Yes, he did.

What was the interest rate you got?

- It was 1 2 or 1 3 percent.

- That's disgusting.

- Hello?

- Hello.

Hey, Angie, what's happening?

I just talked to my mom, and they are

so excited you're coming for dinner.

Like, so excited. And so am I,

but we're all really excited.

Thank you so much.

No problem. I'm psyched too.

It's gonna be awesome.

Couscous. The food so nice,

they named it twice.

Dale, anyway, I can't wait

for next year when this bullshit's over.

Oh, sh*t. I see the guy I gotta serve.

I'll call you back.

F***ing cops. Sh*t.

Jesus.

What an adorable little cop.

Weird.

Jesus. F***.

What the f*** was that?

Oh, sh*t.

Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude.

Oh, no!

- Drive, drive.

- Who the f*** is that?

I don't know,

but I ain't waiting to see.

Pineapple Express.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I saw brains and blood!

Come on! Come on!

Where do I go?

Hello?

Saul, it's Dale.

Let me in. Let me in.

I just saw some crazy sh*t.

Please. Let me in.

- It's Dale Denton. Let me in, man.

- Dale?

Yes, Dale. That's what I said.

It's Dale. Let me in.

Oh, all right, man. Come on up.

I buzzed it. Open the door

when I buzz it.

Buzz it in three seconds exactly.

One, two...

- Did it work?

- On three!

I did it on three.

On "one, two, three, go"?

Just on three.

- He f***ing killed him.

- Hey, I got neighbors.

He f***ing killed him.

- Who killed who?

- A cop. A lady and a guy.

A cop, a lady and a guy?

That's a massacre. You saw it?

No, it was just a guy.

- What happened to the lady?

- No. No.

A woman. A policewoman and a guy,

another guy, shot another guy...

...an Asian guy, in the window,

at f***ing Ted's house.

Whoa, was the other guy Ted?

I don't know.

He was a big, gray-haired man...

...and he had a robe

and he shot him.

And his brain flew every...

I'm gonna be... I'm gonna throw up.

What?

- That was chicken fries.

- Sick.

You threw up on my printer.

- I did.

- Did you break it?

- I hope not.

- Listen, man.

I think the guy was Ted.

And the Asians

are number-two in town...

...so you saw Ted

capping the competition.

They saw me

seeing them shoot the guy.

What? They saw you?

And you f***ing came here?

- Did they follow you here?

- I don't know.

- Did they follow you here?

- I don't know. Look. Look. Okay.

I saw them kill him.

I freaked out. I panicked, okay?

I tossed my roach.

- I crashed into two cars.

- Yeah.

So they must have heard...

They know someone was out there.

- They know someone saw.

- They know "someone."

They don't know it was you. Right?

I don't... I mean, yeah. I don't know.

- Yes.

- I hope not.

Relax.

Just sit back. Get ready to enjoy some

of the rarest weed known to mankind.

Is it really that rare?

It's, like, the rarest.

It's almost a shame to smoke it.

It's like killing a unicorn...

...with, like, a bomb.

Are you the only guy in town

who has this?

- You're actually the only guy?

- Yeah.

My guy Red said he was giving me

an exclusive sneak preview.

I'm the only guy you sold it to?

The other guys got Snicklefritz?

Yeah. So we're, like, the only guys.

And Red got this from Ted?

Ted's the man.

Let's get the f*** out of here!

Go! Go! Let's go! Let's go!

I threw a roach of this

outside of Ted's house.

So what? I throw roaches

all over town.

No. He could find the roach

and say, "It's Pineapple Express.

Saul is the only guy

who has Pineapple Express.

He must have seen the murder!

Let's kill him!"

- Let's get out of here!

- F***!

Wait! Stop!

Get weed! Get the weed!

Anything we might need.

Snacks, food, Fruit Roll-Ups.

- Let's get the f*** out of here!

- Okay, okay.

Red said he'd be here.

Them some drugs.

Smells like vomit in this house.

Want a hit, man? It's still lit.

I'm having dinner with my wife.

She can tell.

Smell it on my sweater.

For real?

Yeah, for real.

You wanna wear my vest?

It smell good.

Not my style.

You ain't got no style, motherf***er.

You have reached

the voice mailbox of...

- Ted.

- Ted, it's Budlofsky.

- We're here. Saul's gone.

- And Mathe...

- And Matheson.

- I think he knew we were coming.

They not here, Ted.

Hi, Ted.

Okay, what do you know

about Ted?

I think he's crazy about murdering.

Well, that's not good.

Where are we gonna go?

Let's just go... Go to a motel or a hotel

and just hide out.

The police were in on it. Could have

flagged credit cards. They'll find us.

Sh*t. I wish we could

just go nowhere.

Okay.

Even if he found that roach,

how could he know where you are?

Heat-seeking missiles.

Bloodhounds.

Foxes.

Barracudas.

I'm kind of flabbergasted when

you say things like that. It's weird.

Thank you.

Not a compliment.

Here's the question.

Let's say he actually

found the roach.

How could he connect

the Pineapple Express weed to you?

He can't, man.

Only f***ing Red knows.

Only Red knows, man.

Who is Red?

Red's, like, the middleman

between, like, Ted and me.

And we're, like,

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