Ping Pong Playa Page #6

---

table tennis.

The Chinese

invented Ping-Pong.

Still smoking the opium,

old man?

That's so sad.

Don't come back again.

Hey, yo, Wonder Bread.

Hey, you got a problem

with my family,

you take it up with me.

You know, I feel

for your old man.

One son's a champion

with a bum wrist,

and the other one

is, um, you.

Hey, you come back here again,

and I'm going to show you

my fists of fury in closeup,

for real.

I don't need

to come back here,

because after

I win the Golden Cock,

those kids are going to be

begging me to teach them.

You know what?

You can take

your dumb-ass school

and your raggety-ass fliers

and shove them up

your mother ass.

Spoken like a true gentleman.

You know, I fancy a good parade

every now and then,

don't you, Tom?

Plus, I hear Miss Chinatown,

hot this year.

All right, look,

I'll do it,

but you got to train me.

Michael's Ping-Pong tournament,

I want to play.

Come on, man, don't pretend

like you don't know

what I'm talking about, man.

I heard y'all

talking in the kitchen

about how

you want me to play.

I just want you to know

I'm willing to represent.

What?

The store?

Hold up; you don't think

I got the chops

to hold down the store?

Man, I could work

the cash register, Dad.

I'm not an idiot.

Don't worry.

We'll manage.

Yeah, how?

I mean,

no one in our family plays.

No one represents.

Mom don't get students.

You don't get sales.

But you don't need my help.

Fine.

Man, I can't remember

the last time

I came up with an idea

and you said,

"Good idea, Chris. "

Hey, remember that time

you connect the TV

and the massage chair

with the remote control?

That was pretty good.

Man, whatever.

Forget it.

I'll train myself.

Yeah.

Why did you have

to cancel class?

Sorry, grasshoppers.

I can't be honing my skills

at the same time

I'm teaching y'all

Ping-Pong 101.

So? We'll watch you.

No can do.

Then we'll help you.

No disciple

would abandon his sifu.

Look, that's all good,

Prabakar,

but this calls for ninja mode,

not sifu mode.

I got to work on my drills,

skills, and kills.

See, I can't be stopping

to take attendance.

Why not?

Why can't we run with?

Dude, calm down.

You'll survive.

No, we won't.

If you cancel classes,

my mom will make me

take calligraphy.

My parents will put me

in S.A.T. Prep.

S.A.T. Prep?

You in, what,

like sixth grade?

Fourth.

For me,

language lab.

Brush painting.

Origami.

Folk dance.

Music theory.

Flower arranging.

- Computer camp.

- Test camp.

- Mental math.

- Abacus.

- Boys' choir.

- Boys' choir.

All right, fine.

Let's roll.

What happens if you get stuck

with this loan

for more than one year?

This is

an adjustable rate mortgage.

I have a friend

at City Federal...

I think it's actually

a little bit better.

Okay, game over,

grasshoppers.

I already played

a bunch of people.

It works.

Hey, a point

is a point.

Don't worry about it.

I'll manage.

I'll work it out.

Why not now?

Christopher,

I'm going to train you.

Really?

What about the store?

Mom can handle it.

Deal?

All right,

but as part of the deal,

I don't want

to hear no complaining

from you or mom either.

I mean, you know,

nothing about the job,

you know,

still living at home,

where's his girlfriend,

none of that.

- Come on, man.

- No way.

All right,

all right, all right.

Swing it, baby.

Let me take you higher,

swing it.

I got

that good foot moving.

Just gotta love

the way I swing.

Girl, move, don't stop;

keep moving.

Let me teach you

how to swing.

Hey, I got

that good foot moving.

Just gotta love

the way I swing.

Girl, move, don't stop;

keep moving.

Here we go.

Hey, here we go.

Let's move.

Here's a kid

who learned to swing.

Getting love

when trouble swings.

Got you in the mood,

I'm like red wine.

Swing, baby, swing,

'cause tonight you're mine.

Let me make your whole world

start to spin.

You're spending the night

with an African.

I'm on the good foot

as long as I can.

Swing, baby, swing,

let's swing, let's go.

Have fun,

We're done, done, done.

Now stop.

Let me teach you

how to swing.

Hey, I got

that good foot moving.

Just gotta love

the way I swing.

Girl, move, don't stop;

keep moving.

Let me teach you

how to swing.

Hey, I got

that good foot moving.

Just gotta love

the way I swing.

Girl, move, don't stop;

keep moving.

Come on,

teach me how to swing.

I got my body moving.

Just gotta love

the way I move.

Boy, move, don't stop;

keep swinging.

Come on,

teach me how to swing.

I got

your body moving.

Just gotta love

the way I move.

Boy, move, don't stop;

keep swinging.

Swing, baby, swing.

Oh, tell 'em.

I'm still not clear

on the reason you chose

Ping-Pong over basketball.

Wait, look, look, look.

I didn't choose Ping-Pong

over nothing, all right?

Okay, well, it just seems

like an odd decision.

What is that

supposed to mean?

Well, I mean,

we've been talking,

and it seems like you're

trying to buck the stereotype

of the Asian community,

yet Ping-Pong seems...

Wait, like, I can't get in touch

with my roots and stuff?

My family owns

a Ping-Pong store, you know?

I mean, what do you even know

about the Asian or the Chinese

experience anyway, man?

I mean, what's the last time

you even had Chinese food, man?

As a matter of fact,

I had some last night.

It was B.S. Chang's.

It was a delightful meal.

B.S. Chang's?

Dog, B.S. Chang's is about as

Chinese as Charlie Chan, man.

B.S. Chang's

ain't no real Chinese.

Charlie Chan

isn't Chinese?

Is that true?

You a dumb-ass mother,

you know that?

Man, I'm getting it in,

ain't I?

Sifu, do we have to drill again

after wind sprints?

Yo, I'm training

just like y'all, man.

Come on, little homies,

what's up?

- Ping-Pong's not fun anymore.

- Yeah.

Well, y'all ain't coming here

to have fun.

You're here to learn.

Well, I'm tired

of learning.

Can't we still, like,

play games or something?

Pull a little something.

This is how we does.

Follow step, step,

but you catch a buzz.

At the back of the pool,

we be jigging

till we nauseous.

Acting a dance fool

like no one's really watching.

Do that, do that,

do that, do that, do that.

Nine to five,

overdrive.

Do that, do that,

do that, do that, do it.

Dance.

Do that, do that,

do that, do it.

I know, man,

I know.

Come on, dog, man,

it's just...

Dog?

It's just an expression...

Come on,

I'll practice an extra hour now.

Okay, just serves, okay?

Dad!

You didn't

bring him back on...

Where's the bike?

Hit a fire hydrant?

Very funny.

You know, it did

make you look taller.

I went to the mall

after class.

Thanks, like he's not spoiled

enough at home already.

Later.

Hey, what happened

to Mr. Smack?

Just ain't in the mood.

Mmm.

Stressed out, huh?

Stuff with your brother,

right,

taking his place

in the tournament?

How you know about that?

My brother talks about you

all the time.

It's not like I'm even trying

to win this thing for myself.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes