Please Kill Mr. Know It All Page #5

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- You're not being fair.

Life isn't fair!

Come on!

Damn...

Let me in.

I already did, and

that was a big mistake.

Come on, let me in.

Say you're sorry.

I'm sorry.

- Too late.

What? Give me a break.

You don't deserve it.

You can't ask for an apology and then

receive it and not be okay with it.

Well, i'm not.

You're being unreasonable.

Reason has nothing to

do with it, now go away.

Fine, you know what? I'm going.

In fact, you couldn't pay me to come in.

Fine!

- I'm going.

Then go!

I'm out of here.

Who's stopping you?

How can I try getting

my ex-girlfriend back?

What is a healthy in a

personal relationship?

Yeah, my boyfriend has an

obsession with his leaf blower.

Why does my cat hate me?

How long should I wait before i

go into a rebound relationship?

Move on, you are alone. Most

men are not worth the tears.

But when you meet one that

is, he won't make you cry.

He is an enigma.

But he captures the

public's imagination.

He is a beacon of hope...

She played you, pal.

Should've killed her

when you had the chance.

Mr Know It All, a man who applies the...

This is award winning stuff, Sal.

You're a pretty good actress, and

look... it looks like you like the guy.

Syndication, you are a genius.

Okay, but after this can we cool it?

I want to focus on the book.

What book?

My book.

That book.

I'm not crazy about that publisher.

I was thinking that we

should go with someone

who's more in line

with our way of thinking.

Okay, what is our way of thinking?

We want to get the book published.

They said no?

I'm sure i've mentioned this to you.

Dld they say anything else?

They said it was well

researched, but a little boring.

Like my life.

Maybe you can make some changes.

Add a little excitement.

Are we still talking about the book?

Lot of famous authors have

had their first book rejected.

And so have a lot of crappy ones.

It's not a big deal.

We are golden with

this Mr Know It All gig.

Patti...

Have you ever felt like you had it all

worked out and life should finally be okay?

And then you realized

you're just a horse's ass?

Yeah, all the time.

Don't worry.

You'll be fine.

Mr Know It All will be fine.

Not so sure about me.

Do you love me?

Why are you asking me these

questions? And in front of the guys?

Do you love me?

- Don't ask me questions like that!

I got an idea, you're already packed.

Let's go to Catalina, you love Catalina.

You can't even answer me, can you?

Oh...

Mr Know It All is right.

You found someone ready to love you...

And you can't allow yourself to love.

Would you stop with this

Mr Know It All, please?

He's putting crazy ideas in your head.

Pedro.

- Yes, boss?

What's with this Mr Know It All thing?

Mr Know It All is a

popular newspaper columnist.

He's an enigma, doesn't

do interviews but

he's managed to captured

people's imagination.

He's a beacon of hope and wisdom

in our otherwise chaotic world.

He's a man that understands women.

Stella...

You'll be hearing from my

lawyer. Goodbye Sherman.

Stella...

Stella?

Wait, Stella come on. Stella!

Stella!

Stella!

Guys, don't worry about me, alright?

I'm like a cat. I

always land on my feet.

Oh God, Stella...

It's okay boss.

- I'm alright.

I'm fine.

We're gonna get this

Mr Know It All, alright.

We're gonna get him.

- Yeah we are.

I want you to get this guy, Mr

Know It All. I want you to get him!

You ever have doubts

about our profession?

No. You?

Not really.

Good.

It's just that we have a

certain philosophy of life.

Okay.

What are you getting at?

What's our credo?

Life holds no real meaning,

death holds no real fear.

I am starting to think

there is a sense to life.

Don't talk crazy, man.

You're just going through a phase.

Everybody thinks that positive

crap at some point in their lives.

No, it's more than that.

I'm starting to think that there's a

part of life that we have yet to tap.

Look.

We'll work this out.

Okay?

Just don't be doing something stupid you're

gonna regret for the rest of your life.

Stay with me, pal.

Life just seems so real now.

Albie old boy, repeat after me.

Life is empty and meaningless.

I don't believe that anymore.

You haven't had a hit in a few

weeks, it's messing with your head.

Come on, let's go down

to the shooting range.

It's on me.

I don't feel like shooting anything.

I just...

Forget what I said. I'm fine.

I'm okay.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

I don't feel like shooting anything?

God, how did...

You know what, it doesn't matter.

You came back.

Is...

Is that a gun in your pocket

or are you just happy to see me?

I'm returning this piece of crap.

What's wrong with it?

- It keeps cutting out.

Lubricant, zucchini, hemorroid creame...

Okay, so it doesn't

cut out all the time.

I'm in a meeting, okay. Relax.

Once I find Mr Know

It All, i'll kill him.

Oh my God, Sally.

Sounds good to me.

Sally, it's Patti...

Albert is trying to kill you.

He wants to kill Mr Know It All.

But wait... wait...

What was that about?

What was what about?

No, no...

Are you trying to kill me?

- No.

Then why whould Patti say that?

Couldn't tell you.

Look me in the eyes and tell me

you are not trying to kill me.

Oh my God, you are,...

No, no...

- I'm so stupid...

It's not what you think.

Are you a psychopath?

No, it's not like that.

Then what is it like?

It's complicated.

Well...

Good, at least it's complicated.

I am going to give you 60 seconds

and then i'm calling the cops.

Don't do that. -59...

58...

57... 56...

Jesus, alright.

I'm a hitman.

People were recognizing me from the

picture you're using for your column.

And I can't do my job if i

have people who notice me.

So, i...

I was going to...

Kill you.

So, you were going to kill me...

So you could go on with your killing?

It sounds bad when you say it like that.

I cannot believe you wanted to kill me.

Yes. But I didn't.

But you wanted to.

But I didn't.

That doesn't matter!

It matters!

- No, it doesn't matter!

I never wanted to kill you.

You've never had a

reason to want to kill me.

So if I have a reason to

kill you then it's okay?

Yes, no...

I mean...

You know what? Keep talking and i'll

come up with a reason really soon.

Sally, stop it.

Or what? You're gonna kill me?

I don't want to kill you anymore.

Uh, Albert...

That is the nicest thing that

anyone has ever said to me.

Okay.

- You should...

You should teach one of those

remidial murdering courses...

I hear you can do it online...

There's no such thing.

You can send people like,

bullets through the internet.

And all your students will love you...

- It's impossible...

...And the trap rooms, and talking

about bullets... - Stop, stop.

Wait a second.

Why are you getting

so high headed with me?

Yeah, yeah.

You lied to me!

You strung me along.

You used me to get your film covered.

You tried to kill me!

That wasn't me.

Down.

You got gizer on the back?

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