Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Page #9

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(CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING)

(PIANO PLAYING)

Whoo!

That piano part is incredible.

(SINGING OFF-KEY)

Earth, wind, and birds

They fill my heart up

With darkness alone

Was my last album bad?

I feel like I probably

could've handled myself

a little better over

the past few months.

It feels so nice to be

able to say all this sh*t

'cause the music is so

loud no one can hear me.

That Equal Rights

song was offensive!

I feel free!

Whoo!

(LAUGHS)

Thanks for coming out, you guys.

Means a lot.

Great show, Kid Contact.

Conner? Oh! Man! How'd

you recognize me?

What's up, man?

What are you doing here?

Had to put on the disguise, right?

Yeah. No, I see that.

Come check out my

homie do his thing, man.

Great show.

Thanks, man.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Paula brought you?

She did, and I'm

really glad she did.

It was such a great show.

You sounded incredible, dude.

Thanks, man.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, my singing's

terrible, but, you know.

What? No. No.

I mean, all right, look,

maybe time for some vocal lessons,

you know. No shame in that.

Yeah, or you know who

would sound better on it?

Clay Aiken.

No, you.

No. No, man.

This is your thing, and I'm

hella proud of you, man.

And, (SIGHS)

f***, man, I just...

I wanna just say I'm sorry.

Conner, just... I... Like, I love

that you're doing this right now,

but it's really hard

to take you seriously

because you just look

like Jason Segel right now.

Oh, Paula said that.

We have great minds. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's funny. It must...

Like, how does it look?

Oh, yeah, it's like the

spitting image of that guy.

Is that good?

It looks identical to that dude.

"Sarah Marshall."

"I need to forget about her"

Yeah, he needs to forget her.

Yeah. Yeah.

I love that movie.

So good.

Thanks, man. It means a

lot that you came out.

I'm glad I came, too.

For real.

That's good, man.

(WOOD SCRAPING)

(BLOWS)

Nice.

LAWRENCE:
What the f***?

One of you guys put this here?

Hey, Lawrence.

Conner. Owen.

Lawrence.

Conner,

I just...

That's for you, man,

to borrow, you know.

I figured you could take a bunch of

pics of you holding it and stuff.

You could post them or whatever.

All right, so now we're cool.

Lawrence!

What the f***, man?

Now I've got to go find that.

What do you want me to say?

That you helped with

the "catchphrase" verse?

Is that what

this is still about?

Fine, you helped with the

"catchphrase" verse, all right?

You happy?

All right, and you

wrote most of it,

but using my catchphrases

that you also co-wrote.

All right, wrote, but we

were both in the room,

and I dictated

all the best stuff.

All right, none of

the best stuff, dude,

but I had tons of great ideas

that I still don't even know

why you didn't use them.

Because they sucked!

Okay, fine.

That's my bad.

But I was there

the whole time, man.

I was a little late.

I was a little late that day.

There was traffic, and I was a

little tardy on that particular day.

There was no traffic.

I lied about that.

I lied about it because I

overslept on accident.

It was on purpose.

It was a power move. I was

trying to send a message,

and that was a dick move

on my part, all right?

However, once I got there,

late, I put in time, okay?

I left a little early.

I remember that.

I was never there.

Now, I remember.

I remember now what happened!

I bailed and you

wrote the whole verse.

You wrote it, and I never gave

you credit 'cause guess why?

No one cares who writes sh*t.

They just care who performs it.

In fact, I think the only

person in the whole universe

who cares about the credit

for who wrote it is you!

(SIGHS)

F***.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm sorry.

(EXHALES)

Boom!

Parent Trap.

(OWEN CHUCKLES)

CONNER:
What'd you say

you grew here again?

LAWRENCE:
You'll see.

OWEN:
Oh, sh*t.

CONNER:
Lawrence,

how much weed do you have?

Hey, everyone, I'm gonna take the rest of

the day off to hang out with my friends.

Keep up the good work, and

let's have a great harvest.

MAN:
Okay.

You guys still smoke?

BOTH:
Yeah.

Cheers, dude.

Cheers.

(READING)

LAWRENCE:
It's really up there, man.

Good shot there, Lawrence.

All right, one, two, three.

(GRUNTS)

Oh!

OWEN:
Got it?

LAWRENCE:
Get it.

Ah! Yeah. Yeah.

OWEN:
Yeah.

No way this works.

Get it.

No.

No.

Yeah.

You smoked a Poppy, dude.

(ALL LAUGHING)

What was that beat that we were

messing with once that was like...

(VOCALIZING)

Yeah.

What was that?

(ALL VOCALIZING)

We should mess with that.

(CHEERING)

That was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did

the lyrics go? What were the words?

(VOCALIZING)

(ALL SINGING)

You are my number one pick

LAWRENCE:
We did it.

Yeah.

Every time I call you

You say that you're sick

She was always sick.

Lawrence hooked up with her.

That's right.

You hooked up with her.

Don't do me like that.

Come on, y'all.

Glenda, are you dying

Or just avoiding me

CONNER:
That was it.

Either Way's a bummer

But I hope you're dying

That's what up.

He wrote that.

LAWRENCE:
We had fun in there, man.

I forgot how fun it is.

Kind of makes me think

that I f***ing hate farming.

I look at Conner,

and I see that seven-year-old

scrub that I grew up with,

and it's like, how could you

be mad at a seven-year-old?

It's crazy I spent so much time

thinking about killing him.

(BIRD SQUAWKING)

You guys see that?

You missed me. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, f***.

Conner's full of surprises

these days, man.

OWEN:
I mean, on our

way from the airport,

I actually noticed

something crazy.

I looked down and in his bag,

he had this book called

How to Be a Better Friend.

It was all dog-eared

and scribbled on.

It feels like

he's really trying,

and, plus, it shows he knows how to

read, which is really heartening.

(CHEERS) I can't believe

you remembered that, man.

Paula's calling you.

There was a whole

second verse to that.

OWEN:
Yeah, what was it, dude?

LAWRENCE:
Do you remember that?

I'm gonna grab it. I'm

gonna grab it. Okay.

Yo.

PAULA:
Where the hell

have you been?

I'm hanging with the guys. It's

actually been super fun, man.

Conner, you just got

offered the Poppy Awards.

Wait, what?

The Poppy Awards. Taylor Swift

was arrested for murder.

They want you to close the show.

It is a huge slot.

Six minutes to do whatever you

want, but they need an answer now.

Oh, sh*t. Um...

This is what we've

been waiting for, Conner.

(BOTH SINGING)

She never wore socks

But that was

the third verse, though.

I'm talking about

the second verse.

Like what was the second verse?

Her daddy hates me

'Cause my car is slick

Yes!

Let's record it.

Hell, yeah.

Let me get on the boards.

OWEN:
What did

Paula want, man?

Oh, nothing, they wanted me to do

the Pop Awards, but I passed on it.

Yo, what?

Dude, I don't wanna do that sh*t.

I'm hanging with you guys.

Who f***ing cares, dude?

That's the Poppies.

All right, but I thought

this was, like, the whole

reason you guys were mad at me,

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