Pork Pie Page #3

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would be your type.

- But... That's cool.

- Come on.

I get it. I get it. Suzie, he probably, you

know, satisfies in other ways, right?

He's probably hung like a f***ing...

Ooh!

That's no way to treat the help.

You have arrived

at your destination.

- Oh!

- Sh*t!

Dude, hey, you scared

the crap out of me.

Whoo!

Whoa!

Whoo!

- Jon, hey.

- Hey.

It's Halloween, eh?

It's... it's Halloween, right?

No. We're, um...

We're marching on parliament tomorrow

to protest the death of animal rights.

There's this horrific bill in front

of the house that needs stopping.

Yeah, no, it's great.

You should do, like, a barbecue.

Which is like a protest and a lunch.

Hey, I left my laptop in the mini.

Oh, um, Luke's just over there.

Whoo!

Hey, some of these guys get too

carried away, eh?

Yeah.

- Chianti?

- No.

- Hey, session?

- No.

Ok, well, let me know

if you change your mind,

'cause my auntie grows it

in Motueka.

- Rough night?

- No. No, it was awesome.

It was just like my morning.

I crashed and burned.

Bro, I reckon you should just

have some chill-out time

and just, you know...

You know what, man?

I'm like a Phoenix.

I'm gonna rise from the ashes, bro.

In fact, I'm gonna... I'm gonna

smash out that novel right now.

I'm gonna smash it out.

Oh.

You've got a, uh... A backup, right?

Of course I do, fool.

It's in my car.

F***.

Rise from those ashes, bro.

Hey.

Session?

Sh*t.

Oh. Wake up, man.

- Luke! Luke, wake up!

- Hmm?

We have to go.

They're marching already.

- Mm?

- Come on.

- What? Where are we going?

- The march.

Oh, sh*t.

Wake the f*** up, man.

Oh, what happened

to Jon last night?

Huh?

Ah!

Oh. 5-0.

Typical.

This is harassment.

We've got a right to protest.

Getting evidence of this.

What?!

Hey! Whoa!

- Holy sh*t. What are you doing?

- Hey, I want to get off!

- Can't let them silence the lambs.

- Oh!

"Jon he 'baa!"

Hey, I wanna get off!

Oi! I wanna get off! Luke!

Oi!

I'm on the roof! I wanna get off!

Is that Jon?

Oi!

Hey, watch where you're going!

Holy sh...

Ohhh!

Ohh.

On!

On?

- Quick, get in the back.

- What?

- Get in the back.

- Oh, my god, Luke.

Ah, now the protest... oh, sh*t.

I think I need a coffee,

um, or maybe just like

a blue powerade or something.

Watch out!

Just trying to get my seat belt on.

Oh, that's me. I'll get it.

Luke!

You'll lose your license!

Hey, Noah.

Bro, so I heard about the wedding.

Well done.

That was an impressive balls-up,

even by your high standards.

You know, you could have told me

that she was dating an ubermensch.

What are you talking about?

The blonde guy

in the fruity suit, man.

Oh, ok. No, that would've been Hugo,

Nick's brother. He's gay.

She's dating a gay guy? What

the f***? How's that gonna work?

No, you dick, not dating him.

Hugo was Suzie's support person

at the wedding.

- Ah!

- Oh!

She's still cut up

about it all, mate.

- Argh!

- Where the hell are you, anyway?

- What are those sirens?

- Um, that's just movies.

- You know, it's a car chase.

- Let me out!

How do you even know all this?

Mrs d rang me.

And, sh*t, bro, you're bloody lucky

she's deleted your number

'cause the old girl let rip,

and now I'm to tell you to

stay away from her daughter.

No!

No!

I know, bro,

but I warned you not to go, ok?

She flew down south

to Mrs D's this morning,

and then she's taken

some flash job.

Oh... Sh*t!

Yeah, afraid so.

- Just let it go, dude.

- Right here!

Hey, the background noise

is killing me, mate.

Call me back

after you finish watching

that shitty Michael bay flick

or whatever it is.

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, my god!

- Wanker!

- Luke, slow down!

Ooh!

Oh, bro, can you speed that VOM up?

We have a situation here.

Oh!

- Really? Ohh.

- Oh, man.

Here they are!

Freedom of sheep!

Ban live exports!

Sh*t, what are you doing?

We're meant to join them.

- Hugo's gay.

- Luke, stop!

What are you doing?

I am such a f***-up!

Oi! Luke!

Jon! Make him stop!

What the f*** are you doing?!

Police. Alright?

Sh*t!

- It's a dead end.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- No, it can't end like this.

- Yes, it can.

Police coming through.

- Excuse me.

- Move! Get out of the way!

Get out.

Come on, Jon.

What? What are you...?

Wait. Stop. Stop.

Stop the oar. Luke. Luke!

- Oh, genius.

- Luke, what are you doing?

(He)', guys! Guys, here!

- Open the door!

- What?

Open the door more!

Oh, no, no, no, no. Not the oar.

- Open the door!

- Luke!

No! Oh, no, no, no, no!

Not the car! F***! Sh*t!

We made it!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Bro, where's this thing headed?

I don't know, man, but you've

got balls for brains, bro!

- That was awesome!

- I'm a genius!

You're a maniac.

Get the f*** away from me!

What did you do?

She's pretty upset, man.

Hey. You ok?

He nearly killed us, Jon.

Who the hell is he

trying to impress?

I mean... I could hazard a guess.

You know what? I can't change

that vote stuck here.

Maybe you could, um, like... Like,

blog or tweet or something?

You don't get it, do you, Jon?

It takes so much more than

mouse clicks to make a difference.

There are...

Forget it.

God knows what you two are up to,

but I'm not risking my life for

some stupid game of hot wheels.

I wanna impact change, alright,

not some bloody lamp post.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Holy sh*t.

What are you doing? Bro! Whoa!

Can't let them

silence the lambs.

What?

Baa!

I promise I won't slap you again...

if you promise to stop when I ask.

Sorry for slapping you.

You could try and kiss it better.

Wrong side.

Check us out.

- Bonnie and Clyde.

- Who?

Famous outlaws.

Never got caught.

Never ever?

Not alive.

Sounds riveting.

They copped about 167 bullets

in 20 seconds, I think.

- What?

- Bonnie and Clyde, the hail of lead.

Right.

Trust you to recall the fun facts.

You're not so bad

at that yourself, Keira.

You ever had a fantasy, Jon?

Surely you've wanted to be someone

glamorous, daring, romantic

at some point in your life?

Ahh.

- You speak French?

- Oui.

Un peu.

You haven't been to France,

have you?

I speak English

and I've never been to England.

I've never seen a diamond

in the flesh

I cut my teeth

on wedding rings...

- This here.

- Oh, yeah.

- In the movies...

- one more.

And we'll never be royals

royals.

It don't run in our blood

that kind of Lux just ain't for us

we crave

a different kind of buzz

let me be your ruler

ruler

you can call me queen bee

and, baby, I'll rule

I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule

let me live that fantasy.

It's good!

Awful. Wait, wait, wait.

Stop. Stop a second.

Ok, I wanna make a toast,

everyone, so...

- Um, ok, to... To pork pie.

- Yuck.

Oh, no, he's meaning the hat.

- It's a pork pie hat.

- Oh.

And, hey,

to an unsilenceable lamb.

And to me, ok?

To me making invercargill.

Like, what?

Suzie's down there. I'm gonna

go patch things up with her.

Didn't that plan fail already?

Oh, no. I mean, yeah.

Yeah, sort of.

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