Pork Pie Page #6

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- Yeah, bro.

- Yes, congratulations, man.

I nailed it. Oh, my god,

you guys are crack-up.

'Cause I almost blew his brains out

for calling me Pongo.

- And it was just a test?

- Yeah, I saw that.

I saw that coming.

And then I would've taken you out

too, mate, and then myself.

But, anyway, c'est la vie.

Ok, here's the plan.

I'll go and get my stuff.

And then... Hit the road, Jack.

Hey?

Blondinis!

Get the petrol can.

You guys are gonna love these.

Guys?

Guys!

Oi! No!

Go! Go, man, go!

'Oh' my god!

Guys!

Holy sh*t!

- Wake up!

- Calm yourself! Calm yourself!

- We need to get home, man!

- Yes, yes, I'm doing!

He f***ing fired

a rocket launcher,

so just give me a second,

please, to...

Where the f*** are we?

Which way? Left or right?

Left.

Yep.

Yeah, left. Left.

Left, man.

No, no, no, left. Left.

- The map's upside down.

- What?

I didn't know

they did upside-down maps.

Why would you even

bother with that?

I've been shot.

- Do you know who did this?

- Yes.

- Do you know who shot you?

- Yeah, the blondini gang.

- The Blondinis?

- Yes, they're driving...

Yes, they're driving around

in an apricot mini,

and they're shooting

whoever they see.

- Ok.

- I was the only...

I was the only one

smart enough to survive.

Go, go, go!

Assembly port b.

Quick smart, guys.

What's going on?

It's armed response.

What do you mean armed?

Guns. Armed usually means guns.

- Ha!

- Got your speech ready?

- My what ready?

- Your speech.

About what you're

gonna say to Suzie.

No. You got any ideas?

- No, I don't have any ideas.

- You brought it up.

- You must have some ideas.

- I'm not in your situation.

- I haven't been in your situation.

- Ok, alright! I think I'm gonna...

Yes, I've got some things to say.

- Well, hit me.

- I didn't...

I'm... I'll just...

I'll go with the moment.

Detective, what's going on?

Wait, this isn't about

the boys, right? But...

- Come on.

- Is it?

Come on, hurry up!

- Oh!

- Sh*t. Sorry!

Oh.

I'm gonna try that phone box.

Ok, I'll get us a feed.

Sh*t.

Hello?

- Mum, have you seen my phone?

- No, darling.

Oh, it's so weird.

I thought I left it in here charging,

but I can't find it anywhere.

- Aw.

- I need to book my taxi.

Did you know

your land line's unplugged?

Oh, yes, I did it.

Telemarketing vulture's been

bothering me all week.

Hello. Davidson residence.

I'm just gonna go take a piss.

Hello?

Hello?

Blondini gang

member Keira Leigh-Jones

has caused further

embarrassment to police

by streaming this plea

while in custody.

We're a peaceful protest,

so please,

I need you all to challenge

this police action.

If you can tweet your support,

post to our...

Justin, all cars.

There's been a shooting in Roxburgh.

Suspects are the blondini gang.

They're believed to be

armed and dangerous

and heading south in a mini Cooper s,

registration lz6393.

I repeat - iz6393.

Sh*t.

There's no way the boys would have

been involved in that alleged shooting.

Violence goes against

everything we stand for.

Ban live exports!

Miss Leigh-Jones rejected...

in the interest of public safety,

they're taking allegations

of a shooting spree...

The police response

has sparked an outcry

among fans on Twitter

and Instagram,

with many saying the armed

offenders squad mobilisation

is a major overreaction.

Hey, Luke! Man, come on.

It's the cops.

Come on.

Bro, it's the...

What?

What's going on, man?

Get down on the ground, sir.

Get down on the ground.

Oh, no. Oh, jeez.

You shot him!

- What's going on, pup?

- It's the Blondinis. They're armed.

Do you see any guns, dipshit?!

It's ok, mate. It's alright.

- We gotta stop that bleeding.

- Step away, sir.

- These men are dangerous.

- You're the one that's dangerous, mate.

Step away, sir.

Step away, sir!

If you don't put that thing down

and get some help for my mate,

I'm gonna shove it up

your arse, ok?!

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy.

Call for an air ambulance

and some backup.

- Hey, man, it's... it's ok.

- Sorry, man.

No, no, it's all good. It's all good.

Help's on the way. It's all good.

- I'll be all good, man.

- Yeah.

I'll be all good.

You need to get to invercargill.

No, man. I'm not... I'm not

taking the car without you, bro.

You're taking that car

to Invercargill, bro.

No, I'm not going without you.

- You need to go, bro.

- I'm not leaving without you, ok?

- I'm not leaving without you.

- Bro, you need to go!

Oh, f***.

Goodbye, pork pie.

Hey! Hey, you, stop!

Move the truck! Can we

move the truck, please, sir?

Sir, I'll take over here.

Can you please move the truck?

Come back here!

Will you come back here?!

Stop! Get the truck out of the way!

F***.

I'm taking this bloody car

to invercargill!

Whoo!

Speculation is rife on social media

that the Blondinis

may have been unarmed.

This is just not on. It's not on.

...Firing a single shot,

wounding the male.

Hello, fats.

Are you watching the telly?

Apparently desperate to get

to his former fiancee...

I know.

Yeah. It's time to get the lads out.

Would the driver of the mini

pull over and surrender your weapon?

Surrender your weapon.

This is a police operation. I repeat,

the driver of the mini, pull over.

Surrender your weapon.

Hello, Davidson residence.

Oh, Mrs d! Look, I'm sorry, ok? Just

please don't f***ing hang up, ok?

I really need to speak to Suzie.

- Please!

- It's me, Jon.

Oh, Suzie, hi! It's... hi.

I actually, um...

I can't talk. I'm packing, so...

Um, why? Where are you going?

I need a fresh start, Jon.

I decided to take that UK gig.

Well, um, I've gotta go.

The... the taxi's here, so...

No, no, no. Suze, don't. Don't.

Please don't. Please.

This is all f***ed up.

This is all f***ed up, ok?

I f***ed it up. I f***ed it up.

You're an incredible person,

and you didn't deserve to be

treated like that, alright? I...

I just didn't think you'd want

to spend the rest of your life

with a loser like me, ok,

and so I broke it.

I broke it.

And it was a prick of a thing to do,

and, actually, it was unforgivable.

It was unforgivable.

And I don't expect you

to take me back.

I don't... I, um...

Sh*t, I don't even expect you to talk

to me again ever. I just, um...

I just... I want you to know

that I think you're the most

beautiful person that I have met.

And you're perfect.

And I blew it.

I blew it.

Where are you?

About half an hour out of town.

You came down?

Yeah. Yeah, I just thought I'd pop

down to see you.

Ok.

Ok, we can meet

at the casa Del mar

at 7 o'clock for... 10 minutes

and while my taxi's waiting, ok?

Um...

Ok, Suze, here's the thing.

L...

It's quite... I'm in a...

Jon, just show up

for me, alright?

Be nice to know what that feels like.

Who was that?

Oh, urn, yeah,

the telemarketing people again.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

Deployment of police

and armed response personnel.

It appears the blondini mini is being

funnelled towards the deployment.

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