Powerful Out Women: On the Campaign Trail Page #6

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Am l maintaining, Mitch?

-No, you're not. You look horrible. Come on.

-Let's get a couple of burritos.

[ALL LAUGHlNG]

[GROANS]

[YELLlNG]

[ALL GASP]

Oh, my God.

Cam. Cam! Where'd he go?

-He has ascended.

-Cam!

lt's a miracle.

l gotta cool down. l gotta cool down. Oh.

Oh, the venom's coursing through my veins.

Suck the venom out.

Oh! The venom's giving me an erection.

l need-- l need roughage. l need roughage.

[YELPS]

[GRUNTlNG]

[SCREECHES]

[GROWLlNG]

[CHUCKLlNG]

Oh.

Oh, l landed on Nazareth,

and l would like to buy a manger.

[MENDENHALLS SCREAMlNG]

[ALL SCREAMlNG]

Cam Brady, have you not wrought enough evil

on this home?!

[SCREAMlNG]

Why?!

[CAM MOANlNG]

Don't worry, we're gonna get you home,

get you a couple Advil.

You'll be right as rain, okay?

Now, a poll conducted this afternoon

shows the congressman...

...getting a two-point bump from the incident.

REPORTER:
Why were you handling dangerous

snakes without a professional present?

For the poops.

Mitzi, look at this.

Cam Brady got a two-point bump out of a--

-l was watching that.

-No, Marty. We have to talk.

You're never home,

and when you are, it's all politics.

Gosh, l am so flustered.

Everybody's got me

running every which way but loose.

l just wanna get back to the basics.

l miss you.

Let's just have one night like we used to.

No Tim Wattley.

Just the family.

That sounds like a little slice of heaven.

[LAUGHlNG]

[MARTY SHRlEKS]

[ALL LAUGHlNG]

What the f*** is going on in here?

You kids go upstairs,

wash your filthy faces, and get to bed.

Hurry up!

Are you gonna let him

talk to our children that way?

-Let me handle this.

-l know you're Marty's wife, but l swear...

...get out before l lose my sh*t.

-Marty.

-Now, Mr. Wattley.

Marty, l need you kicking Cam's balls in

on a daily basis.

And l come here and find you playing

Hee Haw with the f***-around gang.

-Oh, he's drunk. You're drunk.

TlM:
Yeah, l'm a little lit. So what?

You have an opportunity to win this thing.

Do you really think so?

You promised me this dog could hunt.

Can you do that?

Yes, l can, Mr. Wattley.

That's my boy.

l think l'm gonna take the children

and go stay at my mother's for the night.

Mitzi, this will all be over

as soon as l win, okay?

l promise.

Just remember, Marty,

what you're giving up for what you're getting.

[TlM CHUCKLES]

TlM:

Come here.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yeah?

-Hey, Dad.

CAM:
Hey, Camo, what's going on?

Hey, uh, l just wanna let you know

that l'm running for class president.

Good for you. Come on in, have a seat.

So, uh, what are the issues you're gonna

run on? Figure that out yet?

No, no, that's boring.

Nobody really cares about that.

But l did spread a rumor...

...that my opponent, Tommy Monahan,

may or may not have a vagina.

-That could work, yeah.

-lt will work.

Win at all costs, right, Dad?

You taught me that.

-Yeah, l guess l did.

-Learned from the best.

[CHUCKLES]

[HEART'S "THESE DREAMS"

PLAYlNG ON CAR STEREO]

These dreams go on when l close my eyes

Every sec--

Cam Brady.

What are you doing here? lt's 1 1 :00 at night.

l know. But, uh-- But we need to talk.

Are you wearing a hidden camera?

-Tam--? Do l know Tamara?

-l said, are you wearing a hidden camera?

Heh, heh. No.

The black button looks like it has a lens in it.

Cut.

Look, l came over here tonight...

...and l just wanted you to know...

...that l just think things have gotten crazy.

And...

...l want it to stop.

-Cam, do you think l'm an idiot?

-l do not.

Okay, then take off that camera, please.

l'm sorry, it's a habit of mine. l just--

l'm so used to wearing one of these things...

...because l'm afraid someone's taping me,

so l tape them.

Yeah, it's okay.

-Where are my manners? Come on in.

-Thank you.

CAM:

What is this we have here?

lt's a small-batch bourbon.

By-product of the prohibition days.

Mm. Oh, wow. Thank you. That is smooth.

-lt's good.

-lt's good, yeah.

-Ah.

-Well....

[PANTlNG]

-Are they okay?

-What's that?

Your Chinese dogs.

Well, pugs were bred

with, uh, short snouts...

-Mm.

-...so they could lock in and take down lions.

l find that hard to believe. Heh.

You can Google it. lt's worth a Google.

Marty, l was thinking we could

make this campaign a little more civil...

...if there were some way that you and l

could become friends.

Well, l appreciate you saying that, Cam.

The meanness and the nastiness

needs to stop.

l mean, this race is for the people, isn't it?

lt shouldn't be about us.

[DOGS PANTlNG AND GRUNTlNG]

Do your dogs ever go to a different room?

-No, l like to have them nearby.

-Oh.

You know when l first got into politics?

The fifth grade. Heh.

Out on the playground,

there was this jaggedy old jungle gym.

Rusty, sharp edges.

We used to call it Jim the Ripper.

lt got me pretty good.

Yeah, l remember that old jungle gym.

Thank you.

MARTY:

You're welcome.

Well, in the fifth grade,

l ran for class president...

...under one promise:

to take down the jaggedy jungle gym.

[CHEERlNG]

And l won.

Well, that's a heartwarming story, Cam.

CAM:

Ah.

Thank you.

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

We are--

We are definitely going to Cancn.

And you're not gonna pay for a thing.

-Bye, Marty.

-Heh.

-Hey, Cam?

-Yeah?

-Are you okay?

-Yeah, you too.

Oh, man. Whew.

[HEART'S "THESE DREAMS"

RESUMES PLAYlNG]

[ENGlNE REVS AND TlRES SCREECH]

You know what to do, Marty.

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:

Hammond Police.

Yes, l'd like to report a drunk driver, please.

[SlNGlNG TO HEART'S "BARRACUDA"]

He's going to D-D.C. to be VP

Whoo!

Barracuda

[SlREN WAlLlNG]

[CAM LAUGHlNG]

Oh, f***. F*** me.

[CHATTERlNG OVER POLlCE RADlO]

-ln God we must.

OFFlCER:
Sir, please get out of the vehicle.

You have a great night.

-Sir?

-Huh?

-Please get out of the vehicle.

-Get out of the-- You know what? Absolutely.

And thank you for doing your job.

l appreciate it.

Also, thank you for releasing me

upon my own recognizance.

Sir, have you been drinking?

Yes, l have.

l've had five or six small-batch bourbons.

That's a lot. l'm gonna have to ask you

to take a Breathalyzer test.

CAM:

Mm-hm.

We got a runner. Stop running!

[CAM YELLS]

[THUDDlNG]

CAM:
Try to catch me, Ranger Rick.

-Stop!

CAM:

Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, whoo!

-Chase.

-Stop the vehicle! Stop the vehicle!

CAM:

Look what l'm doing. l handled this perfectly.

[SlREN WAlLlNG]

CAM:

This car's so powerful. Oh, yeah.

WOMAN [OVER RADlO]:

What's your present location?

CAM:
Oh, wait, this is not my car.

Oh, man. This is not my car.

l don't have a gun in my car.

[CAM GRUNTS]

Take the car back.

Okay, play it cool. Play it cool.

He's not gonna notice. Uh-uh.

He's not gonna notice.

Control my breathing.

l gotta control my breathing.

Oh, no. Easy, slow.

OFFlCER:
Stop the vehicle now!

-Officer, are you in need of assistance?

-l'm back up.

-Stop the vehicle.

CAM:
l'm back up. l--

-Stop the vehicle now.

CAM:

l see you.

OFFlCER:
Stop the vehicle.

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