Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Page #4

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close to you throughout all the evening.

- May I have the next dance?

- Yes!

Mr. Darcy this is Mr. Collins.

- Parson Collins.

- Parson Collins.

Your?

Perhaps my cousin.

Mr. Darcy I have made the

most incredible discovery

No, tushAn extraordinary discovery sir.

You are the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

I know.

Well, I know you know.

- And I'm here to do the honor of introducing myself-

- Please. excuse me.

-am Parson Collinsmy humble abode

I predict a wedding in under 3 months.

Such a charming young man!

He's so-

well rich!

Jane marrying Bingley is bound to

throw her sisters in the way of others.

Rich men, and then-!

Mother, it's time to go!

Don't be so impertinent!

Mr. Darcy overheard you.

Who is Mr. Darcy to me pray

that I should be afraid of him?

I can't find Papa or Lydia anywhere!

Papa will be in the library and I'll find that stupid girl!

Edwin, where is dessert?

Sir?

- We must find Darcy immediately

- There's no time.

Mr. Bingley.

Yes.

Bingley?

- Your Ms. Beacham's servants.

- We were Ms. Bennet.

How did you get in here?

Our new friend showed us the way in!

Mr. Darcy!

Was he bitten?

- Was he bitten?!

- No!

No, he fell and hit his head!

Bingley?

Your ability as a warrior are beyond reproach Mr. Darcy.

If only you were as good a friend.

Dear Jane, we've decided to close

down Netherfield and return to London.

We're not sure when we shall return.

The Bingley's just closed down the house and left?

I don't understand.

Why would he not know when he is to return?

According to Caroline Bingley,

Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister.

My brother admires her greatly already.

Who will now be seeing her frequently and on the most intimate footing.

Am I wrong my dearest Jane,

in indulging the hope of an event which

will secure the happiness of so many.

Obviously she knows her

brother is in love with you

And wants him to marry Ms. Darcy.

If Mr. Bingley truly loves me,

nothing can keep us apart.

No one who has ever seen you

together can doubt his affection.

I'm sure Mr. Bingley will be back soon.

And that there's a good reason for all this.

Ladies. Good morrow.

Mr. Collins would like a private

audience with your sister.

Miss Elizabeth...

As soon as I entered the house I singled

you out as the companion for my future life.

Oh, no!

I am convinced marrying you will

add very greatly to my happiness.

But actually I must add-

I will of course require you to retire your warrior skills

as part of the marital submission.

We absolutely can't have

swords in the home.

But now, Miss Elizabeth.

But allow me to assure you in

the most animated language

of the violencethe sheer violence of my affection.

Sir, I'm honored by your proposal.

- Thank you.

- I am.

But I regret I must refuse.

Lizzy, I insist you marry Mr. Collins!

Do not worry Mr. Collins she shall be brought to reason

Oh good!

No.

Oh, no...

I'm terribly sorry.

Lizzy, Lizzy.

You will marry Mr. Collins or

I shall never speak to you again!

You talk to her.

Lizzy!

An unhappy alternative is before you.

Your mother will never speak to

you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins.

And I will never speak

to you again if you do.

Who will maintain you when your father is dead?

No one! Elizabeth Bennet. You shall

become a poor and pathetic spinster!

Anything! Anything is to be preferred or endured

rather than marrying without affection!

Lizzy don't go into the woods alone!

Lizzy!

I forbid you!

Elizabeth?

Mr. Wickham?

You vanished at the Ball.

Yes. I thought it would be selfish of me

to seek an encounter with Mr. Darcy.

Would've ruined the Ball for

anyone who witnessed it.

I am very sorry I lost the pleasure of dancing with you though.

Did you happen to see four gentlemen pass this way?

In top hats?

You saw them?

No.

But they were undoubtedly Pall Bearers.

This is a cemetery.

Oh, Ms. Bennet?

I want to take you somewhere very special to me.

It's a secret place I've never shown another living soul.

I stumbled upon it by accident when

I was first stationed in the "inbetween"

But somehow I believe I was

always destined to find it, Ms. Bennet.

You go in. I'll join you after I seat my horse.

Don't be afraid.

I'm not.

You're quite rude!

It's alright.

"Happy are those who are called to his supper."

The locusts have no king.

Yet all of them go forth marching anywhere.

- Brains.

- No, they are pig's brains.

You have nothing to fear.

You see if they never consume human brains

they will never fully transform into zombies.

St. Lazarus' is the key to find the ending the

struggle between the living and the undead.

We must force some kind of understanding

with the most advanced among them.

Surely the crown will support such a venture.

The war has almost bankrupted Great Britain.

I don't know where to turn.

It's only a matter of time before

they outnumber us.

- Liz.

- Charlotte?

I didn't know you were coming to visit.

I have some news.

I'm engaged to be married to Mr. Collins.

You must be surprised.

I'm not, I'm relieved.

I believe my chances of happiness with him

is as fair as most women can hope for.

And that's what you expect?

Twenty five is more than I expect.

Charlotte, if you're happy for you,

then I am too.

But I am to be presented to Lady Catherine and

if I'm to stay the night at Mr. Collin's

rectory I will require a chaperone.

- Charlotte.

- She is said to be quite imposing

and the thought of facing her without

you makes me deathly nervous so.

Please?

I'll come.

- But I have one stipulation.

- Anything.

Now when we meet Lady Catherine,

a simply curtsy will suffice.

Maintain eye contact but don't

speak unless spoken to please.

Lady Catherine's favorite Black Guard.

They can't move.

Look at this you can tickle him with a feather.

An extraordinary sight is it not?

Oh, such splendor!

Lady Catherine's "Smiting the Undead" which is so majestic.

Elizabeth Bennet.

The Four Horsemen of the Zombie Apocalypse.

When they're there, the end of days is nigh.

This way, please.

Parson Collins. Ms. Lucas and Ms. Bennet.

Lady Catherine?

Miss de Bourgh?

Lady Catherine.

So you are Elizabeth Bennet.

Yes, I am your ladyship.

This is my daughter.

Well it's very kind of you to invite us

over for tea Lady Catherine, really.

Very grateful.

Mr. Darcy?

Ms. Bennet.

You know my nephew?

Yes I had the tremendous pleasure

of meeting him in Hertfordshire.

Mr. Wickham.

Is this the soldier you spoke of?

Yes, Ms. Bennet requested he attend that

he might confer with your ladyship

about a strategy with which to combat the scourge.

A Leftenant? Really?

And tea is brought up.

Shall we?

Delighted to.

Please.

I have given you entrance to the

wealthiest woman in the kingdom.

The rest is up to you.

Your ladyship has perhaps heard

some of the stricken have not succumbed

to the urge to feed upon the living.

And in so doing have maintained their human ways.

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