Quickie Love Is So Page #6

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- Did she...?

- She never has, as far as I know.

She isn't lesbian with me,

she's normal with me.

But, have you ever...?

I mean,

there are sometimes signs, right?

- Signs of what?

- Signs...

that she likes women perhaps.

Other than her strange way

of giving me a blow job.

No, Beln.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not saying...

No, no, no.

No, no, listen, honey.

She might be bi.

Bi?

I hope so, you know what I mean?

I hope so.

Hey, please, no.

Hey, I'm telling you.

If you want lemons, ask me for them.

They take lemons like...

I think the one in pink

is Lucia Etxebarria.

Go to bed with her.

- With who?

With Ana.

Go to bed with her.

What?

- Beln, listen a minute.

- Paco...

Listen to me, titch.

She has to try it.

And who better than you, girl?

You're a pal.

Titch, you've touched a lot.

You know how to touch,

and you can tell if she is or not.

- Paco, those games...

I get affectionate too soon.

I fall in love quickly, I can't...

Beln, I'm pleading you.

Do you think I'm not scared?

I'm scared shitless.

Paco, honey,

you've put me up in your house,

given me a roof, food...

If you want me

to go to bed with your wife,

I'll go to bed with her,

nothing more to be said.

Come on, my sweetie.

- Again.

- Sorry.

Come on, let's have a drink.

No,no,no.

These are very big.

They wouldn't look right on you.

But please, sir,

I want to have big b*obs.

Have you seen this cup size?

Heads up.

Where have you been?

In the clinic.

What's wrong?

That's what I say, what's wrong?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

Well then, you can explain this to me.

This.

Lingerie, 150?.

Body oils, 65?.

Erotic toys, 200?.

What's this, Jos Luis?

Do you think I'm daft?

Who is she?

Is she from the clinic?

Is she younger than me?

Prettier?

What's more...

a coward.

She isn't younger than you.

Or prettier.

But she doesn't humiliate me

or harp on at me.

She lets me hug and kiss her at night.

Son of a b*tch.

Don't you realise, Paloma?

You haven't found out yet?

It's you!

These drops make you sleep every night.

And I get pleasure from you.

So much.

Almost like before the accident.

I could report you.

You'll report me?

Report me.

What will you tell the Police?

What will you tell them?

That your husband kisses you at night?

Is that what you'll say?

That your idiot husband

stays awake at night

because he desires you?

That your idiot husband loves you?

Report me.

Go on, report me.

Sir, sir.

Our thing will still go ahead,

won't it?

Okay.

- Antonio?

- Where are you?

I'm going for the test results.

- To hospital on your own?

- I want to go alone.

- I would've gone with you.

- No, I'll call you later.

I'll call you and tell you.

- Call me.

Yes, I'll call you later.

Thank you.

What's she doing?

What?

What? The f***ing...

F***.

CALL ME, IF YOU LOVE ME.

Antonio, what's wrong?

That message?

Antonio, what's wrong?

Exactly, what's up?

- Calm down, Antonio.

- Calm down...

Calm down.

I swear I was going for the results.

I swear on my mother.

- Yeah.

And they've sent it in a...

by WhatsApp.

I'm fine.

I'm okay, I haven't got anything.

The biopsy was fine,

everything was fine.

I'm clear Antonio.

Show me.

What?

The WhatsApp.

I want to see it.

Candela!

Candela!

Hello.

Mara Candelaria Rodrguez Costa.

- That's me.

- Are you her husband?

Well, it looks as though

you are responsible for her fainting.

- Me?

- She's pregnant.

What?

Congratulations.

- Excuse me, room 203?

- Yes, over there.

The second on the left.

- Thank you.

Alejandro.

Alex.

What happened?

Last night,

when we went to the car park,

we were robbed and you bumped your head.

But there's nothing wrong,

everything is okay.

There is something wrong, Nata.

I prepared it all.

Yes, I know.

F***.

We'd practised it loads of times.

What's more,

they were good actors from drama school.

I think I overacted, Natalia.

They were meant to hit me

with a fake bottle.

I don't know what happened,

because my nose...

That doesn't matter,

I have to tell you something.

What?

I have to tell you something

and I don't know how,

because it's embarrassing,

but I have to tell you.

Natalia, don't scare me.

What happened to me

at the petrol station has a name.

It's called harpaxophilia.

I know it's that because in my family

there are a series of sexual paraphiles

which are repeated in the females.

For example,

my grandmother liked cripples.

Do you remember my lame grandad?

Yes.

Or my sister, who has dendrophilia.

- Are you serious?

- I get it a bit in summer.

- What is it?

- Well...

you get aroused by plants.

- Oh, my word!

- By all kinds of plants.

Forgive me, please.

I'm so sorry.

I should have told you before,

but I didn't know how to.

Now look...

- Okay, Nata, don't worry.

Nata, don't worry.

It's fine.

Okay?

- I'm sorry.

What concerns me,

last night, in the car park...

Did you like it?

- Yes.

But, did you come?

Yes.

A lot.

- That's it then, Natalia.

That's it.

Pass me my rucksack.

- The rucksack.

- Okay.

I've got something here.

No more surprises, please.

Natalia Figueroa y Dos Sicilias,

will you marry me,

f*** with flowers,

come in car parks,

and fart with me the rest of your life

till your grandmother do us part?

Yes, yes!

Here.

Sorry, sorry.

I'm going to have a fig.

I'm full.

I'm so tired.

I'm going to lie down for a while,

I'm working tonight

and I feel a wreck.

Okay.

I'm going to...

I'll be with Rafa all afternoon,

I'll see you later.

Have a lie down if you want.

I'm going!

POLYAMORY:

STABLE INTIMATE/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS

BETWEEN THREE OR MORE PEOPLE

Hi, good afternoon,

my name's Sandra.

Tell me the number

you would like to contact with.

Welcome to Hot B*tches.

Is this the first time you've called?

Seriously?

Sorry, are you there?

- Hello, good afternoon.

- Hello, good afternoon.

I'm calling from a centre...

offering video interpreting calls

for deaf people.

Fine, what kind of girl

do you want to talk to?

Who do you want to talk to?

What are the options?

What are the options?

University students,

big b*obs, transexuals,

lesbians, Asians, dwarfs,

droopy fanny, vaginoplasty, classic sadism,

and more contemporary

sadism if you like.

Witch from the Middle Ages

on a cross with five men torturing her?

Heterosexual blondes only.

Well, blondes then.

With blondes, please.

Hold the line,

I'll put you through.

Hello, I'm Full of Life,

but you can call me Full.

Yes, good afternoon, Full.

- Oh, you're a girl.

- Yes.

It's my first time with a girl.

What do you want me to do?

- No, it isn't for me.

I'm making

a video call with a deaf person

and he's asked me

to translate it into sign language.

- Deaf?

- Yes.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

So, I talk to you,

and you translate in sign language?

Exactly.

What is she saying?

I can say some words in sign language.

I can say "c*nt face".

- Yes.

And ham.

- Good.

- But you can't see me.

Hey, what's the lad like?

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