Rabbit Without Ears Page #4

Glad to.

Where'd you dig up

this little treasure?

Easy. From his probation officer.

Otherwise he'd have landed in jail.

Really? In jail?

- What?

- Bye.

Ouch! Are you crazy?

- What was that?

- This is not a pick-up joint!

- I am working hard here!

- We're a day-care, not a brothel!

Lighten up, baby!

- Say that again and I'll tell on you.

- Go ahead. Just like the old days.

I've had it.

I'm calling your probation officer.

Let's see how funny jail is.

Go ahead. Say hi for me, too.

I am relaxed! If I want to,

I can really let myself go!

I'm an animal in bed!

And another thing:

you gave the kids darts. Great!

Have you lost your mind?

Do you know what could happen?

Jeez, they're kids

not complete idiots!

Anna.

If the police

don't revoke your license, I will.

- You can't lose what you don't have.

- What?

- Watch out, four-eyes!

- Four-eyes?

I don't even need them to watch TV.

Great! It was new.

Don't you have any other problems?

Stop! Stop!

To the hospital. Fast!

Sh*t! I'm out of cash.

What's he doing?

Keep driving!

- Money doesn't grow on trees.

- Hey, we've got an injured child.

Do I look like a charity?

- It's an emergency, you bastard!

- Hey, calm down.

Here's a 20.

- Now get driving, jerk!

- Stay calm.

Uncle Ludo.

I can't see anything.

It hurts so much.

Nonsense.

It's just a little mosquito bite.

Just a mosquito bite.

- What are you doing? Keep driving!

- End of the road.

If you have another bill,

I'll keep going.

A**hole!

- You always meet again. Wait and see.

- Ludo, let's go.

Fag!

We need a doctor!

And I need the health card

and your son's name.

Can't you see the dart in his head?

- His name!

- Who the hell cares!

Not in that tone.

Can you pay the processing fee?

Get your fat ass moving

and find a doctor!

Or I'll sue you all

after I smack you in the mouth!

The dart is lodged in the skull,

but hasn't penetrated the bone.

The skull lining is intact.

Now I'll pull out the dart.

It'll hurt a little,

but Indians are brave.

It'll just sting a little.

Just don't look at it.

Look at me.

Lollo! Look me in the eye. Tell me,

what's that bunny you like called?

- Felix.

- Felix, right.

- And what does he have on his back?

- A backpack.

Exactly.

That was it.

We'll clean it up a bit,

and then give you a tetanus shot.

What?

Mom!

- I didn't even cry.

- Great!

A real champion.

That's real important when you have

a rusty dart in your head.

Why not leave them in the sandbox

next time? Raises your chances.

If you keep your eye on the kids

as you did today, you'll really help!

Then lock me in the bathroom.

- With your head down the toilet!

- A**hole!

- Nice to meet you.

- Stop it!

It's okay. We're here almost weekly.

- We both messed up.

- No, you did!

You mess everything up.

You left them in the garden.

And so it's all your fault

that your nephew nearly bled to death!

What are you gaping at?

No forms to fill out?

- Get undressed.

- Everything?

Didn't you want to blow

in the orchestra?

- Okay.

- Alright then.

- Get undressed.

- What instrument should I blow?

You'll see soon enough.

It will be a very big one.

- Pervert!

- It's me.

Hi. I just wanted to say

I didn't call your probation officer.

- Yeah.

- Because I want to stop tattling.

And because I might have been

a little tough on you.

- Is this an apology?

- In a manner of speaking.

A manner of speaking?

- "Dear Ludo..."

- So it's not an apology?

"I may have

emotionally overreacted now and then."

- "I wasn't always fair..."

- Are you reading this?

Nonsense.

"You did great with Lollo today."

"This shone a light

on certain qualities you possess."

- "We should've paid better attention."

- Hey, you are reading it!

"Furthermore I'm sorry for giving you

the complicated Dutch instructions."

"I shall submit the German ones

to you immediately."

- Did you type it or write it by hand?

- Don't keep interrupting.

Does this make everything

alright again?

Is everything alright, you jerk?

- Whose baton is the biggest?

- Yours!

Who's shouting?

- I'm watching a Jackie Chan film.

- Oh.

- There, it's over.

- So what're you...

- What're you doing tomorrow?

- Nothing, why?

- Maybe we could have fish and chips.

- Fish and chips?

I love fish.

You love fish?

Hello?

I opened his present. A trip to

a 5-star wellness hotel on Mallorca.

I figure

I'm with the best guy in the world.

He drives me to the airport.

Kisses me. Separation anxiety.

"How will I manage without you?"

I jokingly say,

"It was your idea, honey."

I'm at the airport.

My flight gets cancelled.

I take a taxi home.

Open the door and walk in.

He's screwing my best friend.

On my blankie.

- I couldn't believe it.

- That's tough.

It gets worse.

They had one of his pornos on!

I never understood

how anyone can watch that stuff.

I put up with it because I loved him.

But he fucks her on my blankie.

- And then?

- Then I threw him out.

We talked it over, nearly made up,

I forgave him...

And then he went to her and the baby.

I did everything for him.

I made a fool of myself.

And he was just a jerk.

No relationship can work

if you're being made a fool of.

Either the one on top dumps the fool,

because he's bored and lost respect.

Or the fool realizes that he's a fool,

that he's selling himself short

and has nothing left, and he goes.

Look at it like this,

you learnt something:

Men are jerks and make you unhappy.

No man in the world can make you happy

if you weren't happy already.

You have to make yourself happy.

It's totally selfish

to wait at home, frustrated,

expecting someone else

to make you happy all the time.

And anyway it's normal to be unhappy.

I don't run around every day saying,

"Life is awesome!"

Why does everyone expect

to be happy all the time?

Sounds nice, but what do you know

about relationships?

You only want sex.

Think I've never had a relationship?

That's why I'm alone!

It's so difficult to find

someone who's got it together

and doesn't expect me

to make them happy.

And blame me for it when they're not.

- So when's your book coming out?

- What book?

"Ludo Decker,

Pour Some Sunshine in Your Life,

Together Alone."

Is it in the library?

It's on eBay.

You can't accept responsibility.

You only want sex.

Why not? It's fun.

What about the girls you sleep with?

Are they having fun, too?

I really think so.

They should be grateful they can

sit at home and be love-sick?

- You think they're in love with me?

- Happens to women sometimes.

Not mine. My women know

what they're getting into.

The boundaries are discussed

from the start.

Ludo, you can discuss all you want,

but things change.

Maybe I sleep with a guy and nothing

happens. A one-night stand. Great!

If it was good,

I keep going back...

At some point I think,

maybe he's got more to him.

By the fifth time women are in love.

Really?

No matter what you've discussed,

it's still no free ticket

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