Radiostars Page #3

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with an eagle on his arm, right?

A golden eagle.

How's it feel, Ben?

Scary!

Today, it's my honor

to introduce Jean-Bernard Reduque.

Go ahead, Jean-Bernard.

Hello and thank you, everybody.

Before anything else,

what is cappuccino?

Coffee with cocoa powder on top.

- Absolutely.

- Great.

What if you don't like coffee?

That's where I come in.

With the Chocuccino.

I have a question for him.

Isn't it a pain

to have your forehead sponsored?

For 20,000 a year, I don't think so.

Curly is peanuts, pistachios

and tutti frutti, right?

The whole shebang!

This isn't good.

He's not happy there.

He's ready to attack.

Let him peck you 5-6 times.

When he's bored, he'll fly off.

Not powdered milk, chocolate milk.

Milk with chocolate.

That's chocolate and milk,

mixed more.

Mixed more? I get it.

With ground coffee on top.

Have any very tall people at parties

grabbed hold of your head?

Maybe a guy thinking

you're a pistachio?

I don't think so.

My money's on the bird.

On the bird?

I bet on Ben then.

I'm gonna clean up.

He's in pain, guys. Do something.

He'll go for the eyes.

What don't you get?

The whole recipe.

Chocolate milk, you know?

Liquid.

With ground coffee on top.

I've no problem

adding Paprika or Onion,

or Vinegar.

The issue is space.

It's easy, dammit!

It's chocolate milk

with ground coffee!

Richie! Back!

It's simple!

Don't worry, it's okay.

There's no point anymore.

You take chocolate milk

and then you sprinkle coffee on top.

That's right.

So you have

a cappuccino in reverse.

I should explain to listeners,

Richie's asleep.

Find me a fella like that

in every town.

We'll be rocking then.

What if I do a regular piece,

a kind of travelogue

about the tour played for laughs?

On air?

Yeah.

Maybe. I don't know...

Maybe not.

After two days, you're on air.

In one week, you'll do the news.

In two weeks,

you'll host the Oscars.

Ben sends the ratings through the

roof.

Doofus!

Come on.

The Bains-Douches nightclub has moved!

You're not coming?

In a few minutes.

Next Sunday is lookalike night,

with special guest star, Richard,

Steven Seagal's official lookalike.

Arnold, I doubt the cigarette...

Bring it on.

581 CVJ 90.

That's the plate of the Dacia

blocking the entrance.

People can't get in the club.

Please move the vehicle.

He's a new dad!

I pity his son.

Who is also his nephew.

Put on some Jay-Z, please.

I haven't got him.

- Any Wu Tang?

- No. I already told you.

Snoop?

We only play hits. Blow!

Is that digital or analog?

You, get lost too!

You're missing Dr. Alban's latest hit.

What?

Nothing.

No, thanks.

I keep fixating

about your loser story yesterday.

The chick dumped you

with a bag of M&Ms?

She also said

the adventure was over for us.

B*tch!

It's not American Idol.

She's no b*tch.

You don't know her, so shut up.

You cheated on her?

No.

5 years with me. She bounced.

I'd have done the same.

Are you nuts? Don't talk like that.

A real man doesn't.

It's over.

Nobody cares whose fault it was.

File her on the b*tch pile.

Whatever.

I don't wanna talk about it.

That's a pity.

You're talking to a guy

who got his ass dumped before.

I swear it's true.

Sobbing and everything.

The thousand-mile beard.

Mariah Carey on the iPod, dude!

Then you know it's bad.

I'm just saying, it's no problem.

I know when you see me,

you think, no way.

Because I'm fit.

C'mon, let's burn it up.

Sorry, can't do it.

Force yourself.

Do nothing, nothing's doing.

Do what guys have done

since the dawn of time.

Toss some dosses.

We toss dosses?

Exactly. We toss dosses.

We screw chicks.

We do what we gotta do to get over it.

If you wanna get over it.

Come on...

Straight up, come on.

I wanna get my ass kicked tonight.

By those guys?

Maybe not.

I'm not so sure.

You know me.

I'm always up for a brawl.

Especially now. I'm in great shape.

There's only 8 of them.

No, it'd be too easy.

C'mon, relax.

Eye contact. Drink up.

What?

I'd like to be in the media, too.

Like you.

Like us. Exactly the same.

But my dad said everything

was run by the...

I'm Jewish, I've got money.

Stick with me, you'll make moola.

You're my cousin, you're family.

Let's go buy gold Rolexes.

Awesome!

You took me to the Garment District.

Spot on!

Movies, TV, banks, magazines...

- They own everything.

- Everything!

Nothing for the rest of us.

Gotta be a Jew to make it.

- Unless you're a fag.

- Or a fag!

Totally.

To big faggots! Drink up.

Just a second, potty visit.

Potty visit? That's cute, too.

I'm gone. She's a Nazi.

Don't care.

Toss that booty and avenge

6 million innocents with your dick.

Screw that! She's Hitler

with a beautician's diploma.

Gentlemen,

I think it's backed up

unless they're freeing Mandela.

She's scum. Screw her mean

and nasty. Bone her dry.

Here, babe!

You're snug as a bug in my little rug.

It's warm and cozy.

Isn't it warm and cozy?

She's hot. You tossed that doss?

Are you insane?

Dude, start by saying thank you.

Get out!

Without details, not a chance.

Cut it out. You'll wake her!

She's a good doss.

Get out!

A peck on the cheek?

- Dude!

- A quick kiss.

1950s Clark Gable brush of the lips.

Please, go.

Get lost!

Promise to tell all.

Or no more of my fans.

Screw them yourself.

I can't screw them.

I love Sabrina, you know.

Not so loud.

But I like to toss a good doss

and hear all about it.

Go!

She didn't mention the...

F***!

- It's a little Juden wiener.

- Shut up.

It belongs to a Juden, this wiener.

No way.

Hold on.

What's he doing here?

Just checking the mattress. Perfect.

You played me!

Absolutely not.

It wasn't me.

You're great big slimeballs.

You're scum

and I was so nice to you.

Don't leave.

Forget all that.

Room service. Continental breakfast?

I hate your show now.

Say Heil to your dad from me.

You jerkwad.

Dude...

Good doss.

Here...

Eat.

Help you forget the skank.

Don't like life?

Love the Breakfast Show.

And now a concert by Jean-Claude,

playing the musical glasses.

Over to you.

Here, it's ready.

No, he's the joke.

It's animal blood?

Yes.

With bubbles, though.

You thought that was funny?

Did you laugh?

When it's funny, it's funny, period.

Here we have Pinouille.

That one's Poustignale.

And I threw in some Farigoule.

Farigoll, right.

Farigoule!

I love it.

No, I'm kidding you.

It's goat's cheese and cheddar.

You Parisians are such suckers.

Incredible! It works every time.

The idiots!

Here.

That's a cherry.

Please, sir.

How do I become a radio presenter?

I don't know. There's...

There are local stations, the

internet.

When I...

Sorry.

I started out

recording myself on tape.

I film myself with my webcam.

But I don't like seeing myself.

What do you do on it?

I put on voices like this.

Not bad. What else?

Mathieu, don't pester him.

He's not pestering me.

Mathieu, right?

Send me some stuff.

I'll tell you what I think.

Don't bother getting his hopes up.

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