Random Tropical Paradise Page #3

Could you play the

movie alive? That'd be funny.

All right, boys, we are all set

and ready to go.

It's like a sophisticated

pinball machine, right?

Uh, tower, this is

Stroker Ace-six-nine,

ready for takeoff.

Now you've just got to

get out there and push.

You're just f***ing

with us, right?

You're catching on, grasshopper.

- That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Okay, now I'm not.

You're going to have to

really get out there and push.

I have a hard time reading you.

That was a surprisingly

smooth flight.

Yeah.

- Huh? What?

He said that that was a surprisingly

smooth flight, Randy, it was great.

Come on, guys, we all know

I'm not allowed to fly.

No. Nope, we did

not know that, Randy.

If you Google me it says,

"don't let him fly."

Okay, well, looks like

we're here. Thanks again.

Oh, sh*t.

On behalf of everyone here

at the Tradewinds island resort,

it is my pleasure to say to you

welcome to Rancho para

and happy honeymoon Mr. and...

Nice!

- Mr. and Mr. Fluder.

- Oh, uh...

No, no, no. Not Mr. and Mr.

Well, I mean, we are both misters.

I'm a boy so it's fine.

A lover's quarrel already?

This is supposed

to be the honeymoon.

- Don't worry...

- Hey!

Nothing a few days

in paradise won't cure.

No, you don't understand.

No bags?

- No, we have bags.

- Yeah, we have bags.

I must say, you two are doing

your honeymoon properly.

Should I have all your

meals sent to your room?

Double the maid service?

I don't know what that means.

I know what that means.

Did you forget our bags? We're the

only two people on the plane.

What? No! I know exactly

where your bags are.

Hey, you guys enjoy

your honeymoon, all right?

You guys make a cute couple.

- What about my toiletries? -Dude,

who cares? Come on, let's go.

- Hey.

- Hello.

The ultimate

honeymoon experience.

Dude, I can tell, man.

This thing rules.

I feel like

f***ing Beyonce right now.

Does that make me Jay z?

I don't know who that is.

- Usa! Usa!

As you can see,

we've taken great pains

to ensure that your room

and your entire stay

caters to your every desire.

If you need anything

your wish is my command.

Good day, gentlemen.

Good day.

That guy talked

like a genie, huh?

Yeah.

All right.

What do you wanna do now?

You mean after we f***?

Obviously, yeah. I mean, we have to f***.

It would be rude not to.

- Let's get a drink.

- Okay.

It's just so wonderful.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Look how tropical

this sh*t is, man.

- Mmm. -F***in', who is

getting whiskey in paradise?

Get tropical with me.

Not feeling very tropical.

Ooh, that's good.

That's good.

When I pictured this,

I didn't exactly picture this.

Look, I know she-who-shall-not-be-named

f***ing sucks, but still.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

I forgot why I was here.

Take care of my buddy.

I'm gonna go get us the three WS.

How's that sound?

- Huh?

- Weed, women...

F***. Should've been two WS.

I'm gonna go do that, then.

I'm gonna get us the two WS.

Third one could've been whiskey.

Watermelon's the third one.

Oh yeah.

Hey. How's it going?

All at once

and at the same time.

Okay.

Did you order caviar

or diamonds or something?

Oh, you see him too, huh?

Okay, good.

Hello, time traveler.

- Come, sit.

I'm bowie.

Hi, bowie.

Are you from

dancing with the stars?

No, no. I'm not.

But I think that show's great.

Um...

I'm just gonna

come out and say it.

Uh, I don't wanna, assume too much

that it might offend you guys,

but you just seem like

the sort that might know this.

You guys might be able to help me out.

I'm not from around here,

and if someone from not around

here was looking to, maybe,

elevate themselves to, like, the

level you guys seem to be on...

You know what I...

You know what I mean?

You're sayin' an awful lot

of words right now, man.

Are you a narc?

Oh, stop teasing him.

We're just f***in' with you.

- We're just f***in' with you.

Our level, our level.

Sure, sure, sure.

Look. All you gotta do, look.

You just gotta

eat this bag of mushrooms,

and smoke this bag of weed.

Okay.

Every day for 20 years.

Get out... you...

You do that, and you

might be able to, like,

smell the orbit that we're

working with, you know?

I mean, yeah, it... It would get you close.

It would get you close.

It's true.

I once did peyote

with a leprechaun...

Could've been

a well-dressed armadillo.

Either way, we both peaked at the

same time, so it was all good.

Yeah, I mean, you know, you gotta

start somewhere, right? So...

Yeah, here.

Oh, man.

What do I owe you?

That's from the earth, man.

Who am I to charge for nature's bounty?

You know it's, uh...

That'd be like charging

for water, you know?

They do charge you for water.

You shut the f*** up, Richard!

That's not a funny joke,

and I told you that.

What's wrong with you?

Having a little shindig

by the casino, later, man.

You should stop by, man.

It's gonna be fun, you know.

Well, real mellow, you know.

Nothing formal, although...

Well, that sounds great. I'm just

here with my buddy, so I gotta...

We love buddies.

Yeah, man. The more the merrier.

That's what I say.

Sh*t. Bring him, you know.

It's easy to find.

You just gotta cut through

the woods right down...

There. Right down there,

and, uh...

It's off the beaten path,

but you can't miss it, man.

It's right down there,

you'll see it.

All right, man. Well, I'm so

glad I ran into you guys.

I appreciate everything. This is so cool.

Thank you very much.

Hey, you wanna...

You know? Just a little toke

for the road?

- Yeah. Yeah. Course.

- There you go.

That's gonna put some fuzz

on your peaches, you know.

This is fine, here?

- Yeah, never got caught.

- I hope so, man.

We been doin' it for years.

Oh, f***, dude, f***.

Oh, come on, man. That's

the breakfast blend, man.

That's the sh*t I smoke

to stop being high.

- Oh, god.

- Come on, man.

Look at him go.

I'm gonna

do one more for the road.

Okay, you go for that.

You gotta try

everything twice, yeah.

Ah, there we go.

Similar results.

This guy's funny.

Well, you guys are cool.

Come tonight. Don't forget

to bring your friends.

- I like him.

- Yeah, yeah.

Looked like a Butler.

But he didn't bring us anything.

- Yeah. -Butlers usually

bring you something.

- He's not good at his job?

- No.

What the f***?

'Sup? That feels so

weird, huh.

Oh, my god!

Watch where

you're going, a**hole.

I'm looking for an armadillo.

I'm sorry. Did you just say

you're looking for an armadillo?

Oh, he lost his armadillo.

Oh, yeah? Well, he's about to

lose the contents of his nut sack

if I don't have another drink

in my hand by then.

Here, just have mine.

I haven't even taken a sip.

No, it's fine.

"Lose the contents

of his nut sack?"

Are you gonna hurt him

or blow him?

Oh yeah. Good, Colette.

'Cause I suck every guy's dick

who spills a drink on me. Nice.

I mean, he's wearing a tuxedo

in 90 degree weather.

He's obviously a masochist.

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