Random Tropical Paradise Page #9

- It's stressing me out.

Today was a good day.

You didn't even have

to use your AK.

Hmm. That feels so good.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're so good

with your hands.

Thanks, it's called

the curious cat.

Hmm.

You want the ocean breeze

package now?

Ooh, yes, please!

- Coming right up.

- Hmm.

Just like you're at

the ocean, right?

Maybe if the ocean ate a giant

f***ing bowl of nachos.

Jesus Christ, what'd you eat?

A giant bowl of nachos.

We'll stay down here.

Hey, come on in.

- Doing this.

- Yeah, doing this.

- Just, uh...

- Ah!

Whoa.

- You all right? -Sorry, I

didn't know you were starting.

Seem a little tense?

A little tense.

Yeah, uh, I haven't

been back here

since my husband passed away

tragically.

You're husband passed away

in Rancho para?

Um, yeah, he was

Vincent's accountant

for many years,

and then he died in a very

tragic accident.

What happened?

Well, he

accidentally shot himself

in the face

and then he fell into

a car trunk

and it landed in the bottom

of the ocean, so...

It was a lot.

It was like Murphy's law.

Like, what else could go wrong?

Yeah...

I trust the trip was enjoyable?

Can we get you anything?

Hors d'oeuvres,

drinks, something?

If it's all the same to you,

let us dispense with the

- pleasantries.

- Right.

Straight to business.

No bullshit.

A man after my own heart.

I love cash.

It's always the right size

and the right color.

You're just so talented.

Do you ever turn it off?

I don't know how.

Careful, my husband's upstairs.

Yeah, what's up with that guy?

Well, you know...

It's funny you should ask.

He and I have sort of

an agreement.

Like?

You both agree Shawshank

redemption is a great move?

Uh-uh.

That is a different agreement!

Yeah, no, I like...

I like this agreement more.

Wow...

It's actually, like,

totally average.

Thank you.

What does Vincent do exactly?

Oh, he's a man of many pursuits.

Um...

He has an import-export

business of some sort.

He owns many

abandoned warehouses.

He has a limo company.

Strip club. The limo takes

people to the strip club.

He has an exotic animal farm

with a lot of lizards.

He also has very hungry pigs.

You're going to like

our product.

It's, uh, Primo sh*t.

Okay, well, why don't

you lay down, I just gotta

take care of some things.

That sounds like Vincent.

- That's a good impression.

- Just give me one minute...

- Sure.

- And I'll be right back.

Bowie?

Bowie?

Okay, remember that agreement.

- Okay.

- Keep that up here.

- Okay.

- I'll be right back.

Bowie, come out here.

Can I talk to you for one minute please?

Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm getting to know Angela

and I'm this close to a f***ing

two for Tuesday right now.

That's a bad idea. Do you

know who her husband is?

Yeah, he's the nicest man I've ever heard

of. They have a beautiful agreement.

Yeah, I'm sure they do.

I bet he made her an offer

she couldn't refuse.

What are you talking about?

When she said this

is her family's yacht,

she didn't mean her family.

She meant the family!

Like the Kardashians?

No! The f***ing mafia!

We need to get the hell

out of here.

Okay, we just need

seven minutes.

Now!

I can do it in two and a half.

Excuse me?

No, no, no, hold on.

Let me pull up

my translation app.

- It's some kind of mistake...

- Can you say that again?

- How dare you disrespect me!

We'll get this straightened out.

Bang, bang, bang.

Nope, you're right, let's go.

Holy sh*t!

This shouldn't

have been that easy.

I mean these are Japanese

triads for Christ's sake.

I mean these guys

are lethal killing machines.

You ever watched the movies?

They, they use knives

and swords and sh*t.

I mean one guy can take out

an entire squad.

But here, it was like...

Bang, bang, bang, they're dead.

I mean, Craig, you didn't

even put down your tray.

I'm proud of you.

Hey, moron!

Get up here.

Yeah, boss man.

What the f*** is this?

Uh...

It's a suitcase full of clothes.

And, um...

A bunch of dead

Koreans or...

Hawaiians maybe?

Ooh, mini hot-dogs!

Okay. Hmm...

- You had one job.

- Mmm-hmm.

One f***ing job!

To go to the airport,

pick up a suitcase for me,

and bring it back here.

This is not my suitcase.

Where is my f***ing suitcase?

Oh, right.

Funny story, I gave a lift

to these guys as a favor

of a buddy of mine who

scored me really great weed

and concert tickets,

if you guys need some.

Anyways, uh...

I went and had to get their luggage as

well, I might have switched their bag

with your bag.

Honest mistake.

You know, my fault, but

they're staying here on the island

so it should be easy just to get

the bag back.

No harm, no foul.

Randy, if you weren't my mother's favorite

nephew, I swear to Christ you'd be

dead like them!

Thanks, cuz! I love you too.

Okay, boys, get me Harry Fluder.

F-l-u-d-e-r.

Flounder? Fluder?

Just find him.

- Tell me you didn't f*** his wife.

- I didn't f*** his wife.

Promise me you didn't

f*** his wife.

I promise.

- I might of touched a boob.

- What?

We have two minutes to Keyser

Soze the f*** out of here.

Okay, well, what are we gonna

do about your drugs?

They're not my drugs!

We're gonna get rid of them.

It's not exactly a carry-on.

Goddamn it.

- What can I do? -I don't know.

Get a plunger or something.

- Something...

- Okay, all right.

Maybe a hanger?

This is what I got.

We can't f*** the drugs away.

It's all I have right now, man.

Let me try. Let me try.

I'm gonna f***ing kill you.

- F*** man. -Is everything

a f***ing joke to you?

Can you even comprehend the

situation that we're in right now?

Oh, now is when I bet you tell

me that this is all my fault.

Yes! Of course

this is your fault!

Who else's fault could it be?

News flash.

You're not Ferris Bueller.

You're just a f***ing a**hole.

Oh, f*** you, man.

Now is when it comes out? I spend

my whole life looking after you.

F***ing showing you the time of your

life and this is the thanks I get?

Oh, oh, sorry did

you want me to thank you?

- Yes.

- Okay, I'm sorry, thank you.

Thank you for turning my life

into a complete and utter

f***-a-palooza.

None of this was about showing

me the time of my life.

This is about you not having

to live yours.

See, you don't want me

to grow up

because you're afraid

that I'll leave you behind.

That's why you're always pulling

some epically stupid sh*t.

Well, I'm tired of you

always dragging me down.

That's what you really think?

Yeah.

F*** you.

You're not my

best friend anymore.

You're not my best friend

anymore either.

We really gotta start

locking this door.

Hiya, boys.

Long time no see!

All right, so, uh...

Let's cut right to the chase.

You know me.

And I

know you who you are.

Harry Fluder, 5220 Archer road.

And...

Beauregard Pemberton.

Beauregard.

The fourth?

There are four of you!

Yeah, uh...

302 southwest east,

third street.

- Ah, bingo.

- Ah.

So I want to apologize for any

discomfort my guys may have caused you.

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