Recep Ivedik Page #4

I'll complain about you.

Caveman.

I do sports and aerobics

every morning...

...eat healthy. I suggest

you do the same.

I'll leave this anyway. Maybe

the lady will eat it.

Her stomach has several layers

and her second chin...

...looks like a pelican beak. It's obvious

that she's a heavy eater.

- Bon appetite.

- Monster.

I want to add

"Nice to meet you. "

Do I have any

sagging parts?

Yahya, you have to use 2 bottles.

You can't fool the tourists like this.

Yes. Smile while you're at it.

Smile.

- Hello, mate.

- Welcome, Mr. Recep.

I've decided to adopt a healthy

lifestyle.

I want to attend aerobics.

When does it start?

You and aerobics?

It's at 8 am.

Since I have sleep acnea,

I can't wake up that early.

- Could it be a little later?

- No way.

But I can wake you up at 8.

Do you have any aerobic wear?

I bought them recently, they

don't stink or anything.

You need a special outfit

for aerobics.

- I can get it for you.

- Swear?

- Sure. Don't worry.

- Really?

- I'll get them.

- Would you swear?

- Why should I?

- Promise me.

- Promise.

- Will you really send me an outfit?

- I will.

- And if you don't...

- Goodness gracious.

- And if you don't...

And if you don't...

- If you don't you're a fag.

- But why?

- If you don't, you're a fag.

- Allright.

- Are you going to send them?

- Yes.

Take a scout's oath

and I'll believe you.

How do you do that?

Something like that.

Yes. Are you satisfied now?

- God bless you.

- Don't mention it.

Yes, ladies.

Now lay down on your side.

Up and down.

Hello, teacher.

Yes, sir. Please sit.

Good morning, ladies. Let's

burn our calories...

...and get rid of our

fatsy tummies. Thanks.

With this move we work our

abs and intestinal muscles.

Up and down.

Unbelievable! How monstrous

and stupid are you?

We're working on bowel movements

together with out instructor.

I ate too much dner and now

have gastro-induction.

And it found it's way out.

What's to do?

I can't care less. You just

ruined my exercise.

Take a look at those tights.

Gross!

Helly, Mrs. Sibel. Today

at 3 pm. Don't forget.

- I won't.

- He wears tights too.

Why don't you condemn him?

Please, these are no tights.

This is scuba diving wear.

Bullshit. Scuba diving wear, huh?

It slides in, too. Doesn't it.

Scuba wear was invented by

French sailor Marcell Ducell in 1781.

Shaddup!

Marcell Ducell, my ass.

Did I ask?

This is common culture. And you're

wearing a lady's outfit.

You bought it wrong.

I didn't buy these.

That lousy manager

gave them to me.

What?

What are you laughing at?

What? Is it funny?

This is aerobic wear.

Is it any funny?

I don't speak no Turkish.

I speak German.

Get lost.

Psycho duo.

This cove is called

"the aquarium. "

It's been told that Cleopatra

washed her hair here...

...and Zeus sanctified Artemis

in these waters.

The cove is 55 m deep and has

over 300 fish species.

Did you count them?

Excuse me?

I'm asking if you counted them.

- Of course.

- Name them!

I will. No big deal.

Bluefish, gray mullet, sea bream,

whiting, muraena, eel.

Small bluefish.

- Turbot.

- Bravo. Turbot.

Did I say bluefish?

What happened to 300?

Where are the other 291? Jerk!

When you asked suddenly,

I couldn't remember.

I'll name them all after

the dive.

Are we ready for the dive?

Let's go over the rules again.

This means "up".

This means "down".

OK.

This is "OK" to the boat.

When we do this during

football matches, it means...

..."Referee, may my head

enter you. "

What are we doing now?

Don't you ever

leave the group.

If you get stuck in a rock,

I'm sorry but you make this.

This makes me laugh

all the time.

Like this?

You're joking again.

Anyway, let's get to know

the equipment.

This is the tank.

These are the fins.

Mask.

I guess this is the snorkel.

Why should there be a snorkel

during a dive, idiot?

You don't know

anything about diving.

Where's the regulator?

Where's the BCD?

Where's the government?

What kind of a diving instructor

are you?

Jeez, an instructor

like you I should...

Here's another move to

complete it.

But I'll do that underwater.

Jerk.

Another interesting joke.

Anyway, if we're ready

let's put on the tanks...

...and let's dive.

Please.

Diving is very popular in our family.

My grandpa dived in the

Bering Straits in 1942.

Skindived to 50 meters.

Just with a snorkel.

He caught a bluefish

with his hands.

He was that kind of a guy.

I'm not talking in vain.

Put something on your head,

you'll get cold.

If it gets cold, let it go.

The piss will warm you up.

Sis, help me with that.

Sibel, ask your mom

if it's OK?

No. I can't do this.

I'll stay on the boat.

I can't breathe.

We press on this button

and dive. Come on.

Who came up with this diving?

I'll die of worry.

One, two, three, four.

One is missing.

Where's the hairy guy?

Where's the guy?

Where the hell is he?

It's been 3 hours.

He doesn't have that much air.

He's not going to come.

Why are we waiting?

Do so many people

have to wait for one?

Yes, Captain.

Let's go.

I have blood pressure problems

and need to take my pills.

I don't care where that

filth turns up.

He'll find a sewer to surface.

Allright, you go back then.

I'll stay.

In all these years I have never

left someone back at sea and I won't.

Son...

...from now on you're in charge.

I'm staying.

Cut!

It's no good.

Moan, not scream.

And you'll do like this.

- We're losing the light.

- What light?

Yo.

- What are you doing there?

- We're shooting a movie?

- What kind of a movie?

- Jack off movie.

- What's with you?

- I was looking for Manavgat.

Turn your back towards me,

stick your head into the sea.

There's Manavgat.

Be careful and don't let the

voices overlap.

That's the golden rule of movies.

We have no overlapping voices

but overlapping actors.

The gendarmerie patrols this

area a lot. Watch out!

Good evening!

You don't run around like this

so late, my boy.

I almost had a stroke.

I apologize because of my outfit.

But I have struggled for 17 hours

all alone...

...in the raging blue waters

with rays, sharks...

...and caretta carettas

to make it here!

Why didn't you wait up for me?

We waited for hours. When you

didn't surface, we had to return.

Plus, when my mom got ill

we had to.

Sorry to hear.

What's your disease?

Thanks, I have

blood pressure problems...

...and have to take my pills.

The sun made me worse.

And I get sea sick easily.

I'm still swaying.

Do you have headaches

among the symptoms?

Yes, a little. Why?

Very bad.

I had a grandma and she was

chubby, whale-like like you.

She said she had headaches

and went to sleep.

And she kicked the bucket

around 3 am.

Her body was swollen up

like a pig and all purple.

We tried to take her out

with my grandpa...

...but she didn't fit through the door.

They opened the window...

...and we pulled our pickup truck

beneath it.

We put her body through the

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