Recep Ivedik Page #5

window and on the truck.

That's how she got to the morgue.

Heaven forbid,

you ill-omen.

He's like bad news.

That's life, lady. The pleasure is

nice, but the pain is hard.

Sibel, I fought at 47 meters

with a herd of sea horses.

Wrestled with two seals

and whacked one of them...

...and got you this

sea shell.

Put it on your ear

and you hear folk songs.

Listen.

Thank you. You didn't have to.

I don't listen much to folk songs.

I'm more into R&B and pop.

Electronic discotronic style.

Something like that.

Have a good evening then.

Eat less. You eat too much.

You may drop dead any moment.

You're gorgeous fiancee waits

for you in Netherlands...

...but you accept sea shells

from rednecks here.

And then it is

"Mom, don't get involded. "

I'll beat the living

daylights out of you.

Don't rub that on your face.

He took it out of his crotch.

You'll get infected.

What's up, bro?

Smell this. Is it alright?

- What is this?

- Room spray. Want some?

- No, thanks.

- Open your arms.

Lift your other leg.

Yes, that's more like it.

That's how you should smell.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- To the disco.

- I have to pass.

It's very important for me

and I need you by my side.

Thanks but I'm having

problems with the manager.

- I shouldn't come.

- To hell with the manager. Move.

Excuse me for tonight.

What kind of a man are you!?

What kind of a mind do you have?

What kind of a brain you got?

And most important

what's with your heart, you beast?

I'm telling you it's the most

important day of my life.

You have to stand by my side.

Curse the day I met you!

Curse the day I let you

into my privacy!

Beast! Dog!

Let me take that, so I never

be in need of a lowlife like you.

Come on.

Shameless!

Hi Recep! Do you

hang around such places?

Of course. I'm a disco child

of the 90's.

Who's that retard over there?

- He's one of our friends...

- I'll find it out myself.

I really need it.

I'll make sure you relax tomorrow,

don't worry.

Hi. What's up? Who's this guy?

Do I know him?

- Hi, I'm Murat.

- I'll beat you flat.

What's up you tart?

I'll make you fart.

That's no way to talk...

I got plenty of these lines

Recep always "beep" your kinds.

Are you a child

to tease like that?

I can tease you in very

different ways, dude.

Get on the dance floor

if you have balls.

Listen pall, I'll make you sorry

and burry you in the floor.

Cut that "burry you" crap

or else I'll knock your head in.

Step on the floor if you dare.

- Come on.

- Move!

- Come on!

- Move!

- Bravo, you were great.

- Thanks, mate.

Be careful, it'll knock you out.

I'll be fine.

He's completely flipped out.

Boy... Wake up!

You look like

a stranded whale.

- Is it morning already?

- Yes. What are you doing here?

Don't you have a place

to sleep in?

- Oh, mum. Was that you?

- What makes me your mum?

You're drunk

and stink like pest. Alcoholic.

Listen, I respect you because

you're a mother.

- Where's Sibel?

- What's it to you?

Stay away from my daughter.

Or I'll place a complaint and get you

kicked out of the hotel.

- Mum, I'm going in.

- Allright, my child.

If it's good,

I'll have it too.

Fine.

What kind of a talk is that?

You're a mother.

"If it's good, I'll have it too"

and such.

What a dirty talk is that?

I'm very good.

You'll be very happy.

How can I help you, sir?

I was just going to look

for my friend, sis.

Yeah, right. Is this a disco

where you can look for a friend?

This is a massage parlor.

You can't get in

without appointment.

Is this like the massage parlor

we visit with Salih...

...where the massage ends

with a happy end.

There hasn't been a single women

who wasn't pleased by me.

The secret is in my fingers.

Magic fingers.

Which room shall we put

Mrs. Sibel?

- Number 3.

- OK, I'll get prepared.

I have to take a sh*t.

It's starting to get out.

Where can I sh*t?

Where's the men's room?

Over there. Go.

There's your happy end,

jackass.

Plus with these hands.

Magic fingers.

Hello.

Another friend was going to come

but I did. I'm sorry.

I'll do your massage.

Number 3 is full.

I'm so sorry.

Can I get you room 5?

It's alright.

- I'm sorry.

- Never mind.

First massage, ankle, heel, calf.

Let's get your foot up.

Nice.

Now... there's someone in this

hotel who's in love with you.

Never mind his name.

His name starts with me.

All men look out to take shelter

in a haven at some point.

But at the same time desires

a stormy sea.

That's why...

...you're just the kind of woman

a man could wish for.

I would like to recite you

a poem I wrote.

I'd like to see the light

in your eyes

And the joy you bear inside

You're like a festival

I want to attend you

You're like a rock festival

Where I want to set up a tent

Recep says

I want you

How's that?

Did you walk a lot yesterday?

Why are your feet swollen?

Did you get stung by a bee?

Your feet have turned

into hooves.

Huh? Your legs are like

Roberto Carlos'.

Your feet have turned into

cow hooves.

There's something

strange about you.

You should have a birth mark here.

Let me have a look at it.

Just a second.

It's here. Nobody said such

beautiful words to me.

What's going on?

Who the hell are you?

Don't make any stupid moves.

I'll smash your head in.

Darling, where are you going?

Wait. Don't run away.

Sibel, where on earth were you?

Sir, stop, stop!

Let me take a picture.

I don't want any photos.

Please.

Just one photo

as a token.

I don't want any photos.

Leave me alone.

It will be perfect,

trust me.

I told you I don't want

any pictures taken.

Don't be shy. I'm the

hotel paparazzi.

Just one nice picture.

Yes.

- Do you get the pool too?

- Yes. Beautiful.

Let me pose for you.

Very nice.

- Count from three.

- Fine. 3, 2, 1.

- But sir, this is no good.

- Get lost.

Why to all nutcases

swarm around me?

You too?

- How many megapixel is that?

- Five.

Five?

- Let's get some pictures taken.

- Fine.

Why did you look that way?

Your boob touched my arm

and I panicked.

I don't get well along

with women.

Yeah, right. A woman was chasing

after you at the spa.

What an pain in the neck.

"Kiss me Recep, eat me. "

Plus, she's hideous. Ugly people

have a right to be loved, fine.

What am I supposed to tell her...

..."Rip out your heart, throw it

into the toilet and flush it. "?

Let's get back to us. I want that

picture, will you send it to me?

- Sure. You got an e-mail address.

- Yes. Memorize.

Recep-!? - Ivedik95"@.com

Nonsense, there's no

mail address like that.

Why not? I got them

when they first got out.

I pressed on to many keys,

that's why.

But I always use this one.

- My messenger ID is different.

- Skip that.

- Will you come to the show tonight?

- I haven't decided yet.

I'll take a look into my organizer

and come if I'm available.

- Will you go?

- I think so.

Let's meet there.

Don't stay too much in the sun.

Heaven forbid, you might

get a sunstroke.

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