Recep Ivedik 2 Page #11

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...to your house.

Why should I listen to you?"

"You swim in people's saliva

as though it were a swimming pool, get lost!".

The ant replied, "We will see later."

And then he left.

The winter came, and one day the ant was having a sex party in his house...

with about 25 of his friends,

boys and girls, they were having a fun.

When suddenly someone knocked at the door.

He opened the door, and saw the grasshopper there,

dishevelled and exhausted.

"Do you remember," said the ant "in the summer

when I spoke with you in the field?"

"Would you be kind enough to give me some rice

and a box of butter" asked the grasshopper.

The ant replied "But you are truly

an idiot...

...a dishonourable wretch."

I warned you, he said.

"Remember, when I was carrying a sunflower seed on my back,

I warned you didn't I?

...I warned you didn't I!" he said.

"If I hadn't I wouldn't...

...I warned you didn't I!" he said.

"If I hadn't I wouldn't...

...get this angry, you bastard!"

The grasshopper replied:

"What the f*** are you shouting for?"

Don't piss me off,

I'm really not in the mood for it.

The ant replied:
"Get the f*** out of here,

or...

...I swear to God I'll call the raccoons."

"You f*** off!" said the grasshopper.

He grabbed the ant's antennae,

and broke his hind leg...

...there was a terrible fight,

with blood flowing everywhere.

It went on till the evening.

Anyway, I don't know why I told you all this,

but in the end, to conclude...

...as they say, the seals are very

lonely.

In short, I feel most aggrieved.

In a world where we lose 45cm of glacier ice every day

from our planet, damn it all...

In a world where we lose 45cm of glacier ice every day

from our planet, damn it all...

I'm telling you, it's f***ed up...

All f***ed up I tell you.

I have one principle.

Listen well; before the wheat begins to bud

the blind calf does not limp.

I salute you all with utmost respect.

Take the photos.

Son of a donkey, you've been using my

phrases again?

But those words are mine grandma...

Oh yeah?

Before the crop begins to bud

the blind calf does not limp...

...that's my words.

God, it's so difficult to satisfy you.

Look, I've bought you a PlayStation 3.

Ok, you got me a PS3, but I want a high

definition TV as well.

Alright, I'll buy you a television

in high definition.

Good. And what

have you done about your girl problem?

One thing at a time, grandma.

I can't do everything at once!

When are you going to get married?

When will you find a nice girl?

When are you going

to show her to me?

I'll show you the girl

when I bring your television.

Come, let me f***

you over at a game of PES.

Quick, get over here. You've spoken enough,

that'll do.

Alright, let's play on the PS3.

Let me just install it first.

Ok, but we'll see

who's going to get f***ed over by who.

Maybe I'll f*** you over twice and

you might once.

Get a move on.

- Why the hell did you bring me here?

- Golf is a way of life, man.

It's time for you to learn new things

like this.

Is this game based on

elik omak (turkish cricket)?

Not really.

Let me just show you how it's done.

Now look, the feet should be

parallel to the ball like so.

Like this?

No, no not like that.

Turn them a bit this way.

Like this?

No, no. A bit more to the right. Parallel.

Like this, huh?

Yeah, that's good. Now bend your thighs

a little.

Ok.

Good. Splendid.

Oh, you mean the sh*t-taking position.

Well, not quite. Ah.

Raise your chest a bit more.

Keep your chest upright.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Recep, a bit higher.

Oy! What the f*** do you think you're doing?

I'm just showing you how, man.

How can someone try to f*** their own cousin

pretending to teach him!

Recep man,

I'm just trying to teach you to play golf here.

You brought me to this quiet field

to teach me golf...

...but all you're doing is trying to forcefully enter my anus!

You worthless prick!

- You might as well take me into the forest while you're at it!

- Look, people are staring, keep it down.

Move the f*** away!

Get into your little green square!

If you think you know so much,

just do it yourself. For God's sake!

Just watch me, you idiot.

What happened there, heh? Huh??

Shithead, what was that then?

My grandfather was one of the best golfers around,

he used to play on a horse.

Like this, on the horse,

he used to throw it like this, from the horse.

This game was passed down from our forefathers!

I'll be at the 14th.

I'll wait for you there.

I've been playing for eight years,

and I've never hit it as far as that.

I can't believe it.

I will never play golf again.

What are you doing?

- Move the f*** out of the way!

- I'm trying to take a shot here.

- Stand aside my friend.

Does this field belong to your father or something?

My friend, are you looking for a fight?

- Just get out of my face

- Just f*** off to the side!

- We're playing golf, can't you see?

- My car needs to go through here!

- Calm down bruv.

- Alright, I'll smash your head with this lever.

I swear, I'm going to break your mouth with this

lever! By God I swear!

- Recep, what are you playing at, man?

- What, what? What's your problem grandad?

Recep man, just leave it.

We're on a golf course, what are you doing?

I've told you politely!

I'll just split your head in two, like this.

But bruv, this is a golf course.

You can't fight here.

You think you're a hero or something?

Sorry.

Mate, I'm in deep sh*t

with my grandmother you know.

-Just because I look like this, don't think I've got it easy.

- Grandma's really old though...

She might be old,

but her brain functions really well.

She just keeps yelling at me, find a job, find a job,

get respect, get respect...

She just keeps yelling at me, find a job, find a job,

get respect, get respect...

And now, get married, get married.

I'm under huge pressure you know.

Bro, everything'll be fine.

One day, a girl will turn up and you'll get married.

You know, it was your help that I

managed to get a job.

The same goes for how I gained respect.

All that's left is to find one girl,

we need to find a solution.

Don't worry about it.

- You like the tomato?

- Very nice. Is it a village tomato?

No man, it's not from the village,

it's organic, organic.

I paid 35 TL (~20) per kilo for them.

I always eat organic food.

Man, if you had brought a swiss-knife or something,

we could have cut it into pieces.

What do you need a swiss-knife for?

Rid yourself of these posh tendencies.

You just take the tomato

and put your fist in, like this.

That's how it's done.

Here.

Oy! What is this? This?

Sorry.

Go play somewhere else!

Go, move to another field!

Calm down.

We're having a nice picnic here and you're chucking balls at our heads!

If it comes here one more time,

I swear I'll cut your balls off!

I swear I'll just chop them off!

Piss off!

Are you crazy?

Stop making hand signals from there!

You'll get an egg chucked on your head, I tell you.

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