Recep Ivedik 2 Page #12

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I'll lob tomatoes on your heads!

Don't make me mad!

- Ali Kerem?

- Yes, my dear.

I'm having a birthday party this weekend.

You coming?

'Course I am,

I wouldn't miss it.

It's a fancy dress party.

You have to wear peculiar costumes.

- Yeah I will.

- Fine, see you there.

Oy, look, I'll come as well, yeah?

I'll come, yeah?

- Brother, shall we go?

- She didn't invite me.

- There'll be some interesting girls there...

- Look man, I'm not invited.

- So what, we'll still go.

- But she didn't invite me to the party you idiot.

- Whatever man, we can still go.

- Why the f*** are you rubbing it in?

F***ing rubbing it in my face,

just because you got invited and I didn't!

F***ing rubbing it in my face,

just because you got invited and I didn't!

- We'll photocopy an invitation, don't worry.

- Shut up, don't come near me.

Curly haired monkey!

Not only did you force me to come

to this party uninvited...

...but you make me come disguised as a bunny rabbit.

Where's your head at, idiot?

Don't get angry man.

You actually look quite cute in that.

Oh Lord God, for the sake of the prophet, give me patience...

Look, go and chat with those girls.

There's so many of them there.

- Where?

- Over there.

- Those are girls?

- Yeah.

These things you call girls, all I see is an elephant,

a monkey...

...and even an orang-utang!

So what, and you're a rabbit.

You'll get along just fine...

I'll just give you a slap across

the face and you'll see how fine I am.

Get with the mood, man.

Be a bit more sociable.

Shut up idiot, don't try and teach me how to be

sociable. I know how to start my own relationships.

Hey you, you're Snow White?

Listen, make sure you don't eat anything

that witch is gonna give you, understand?

Don't forget, if she tries giving you

an apple, it'll be poisoned.

Observe carefully the source

of the fruit.

Oy, I'll smash your face in and take your eyes out!

I saw you in that film.

I know what you're up to!

Madam, I'm in a spot of bother

with this costume...

...would you please be able to

measure my blood pressure?

- Ok, I will.

- Go on.

- Very high.

- Very high, isn't it?

- Your heart's beating real fast as well.

- It must be because of the watermelons.

Can you measure my

other pressure as well?

Do I have to tell you where to measure that pressure from, eh?

Two cheddar cheese toasted

sandwiches, and a small cup of tea.

Go on, quickly now!

Hurry and bring it to me.

Give unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

Get the f*** out of here, knob.

- Your costume really suits you.

- Thanks, yours too.

You're a genuine ass-giver, right? Piss off!

How dare you punch?

Piss off, twat.

F***ing nuisance.

Mona Lisa?

Mary Claire?

Marilyn Manson?

Marilyn Monroe.

It's true you had an affair with Einstein,

isn't it?

-No, no.

-Is it true

he f***ed you?

Aren't you ashamed of yourself, walking

around like a clown? Piss off, get lost.

Look at him, pervert.

Trying to get close to Marilyn Monroe.

Ahaaa! So an American wrestler, huh?

If it's American wrestling you want,

that's what you'll get, son!

I can take anyone!

Ooof, I swear I can't take any more of this.

Where's that bastard Ali Kerem?

Where is that kid?

Mummmy!!! You f***er, I ought to break your jaw.

I'll smash your jaw, I swear!

Bro, why are you hitting me?

It's me.

Why the hell are you trying to scare me?

What's to be scared,

my costume's like this.

Idiot, you don't need

to wear a costume to look like a monkey...

...you're face already looks like a baboon's.

Shithead.

How's it going, Ali Kerem?

Love your costume.

Thanks.

- Your costume is really nice too.

- Thank you, may God be pleased with you my child.

- What is it? A grizzly bear, isn't it?

- Does this look like a grizzly bear?

Look what I've got on my head. Look.

Two long ears on the head.

Look at my buttocks as well,

look at the fluffy tail.

Look, my palms are white as well.

Where the f*** have you ever seen a grizzly bear like this?

I'm sorry, but

when I saw your face I thought you were a bear.

Shut the f*** up!

Shut it!

She looks at me and thinks

I'm a bear.

When I saw you, I thought

you were a retard. You dumb f***.

Look at her hair,

looks like a friggin' table lamp.

We might as well put on a couple of candles

to light at night. Retard.

Get lost, little girl!

Disgrace! Disgrace!

- Calm down, bro, it's ok.

- Animal!

It's Grandma. Open the phone cover.

My hands are full. Open it.

- What?

- Hello Recep, it's me your grandmother, your grandmother.

- Yes grandma.

- There's too much noise.

I can't hear you.

Where are you, you good-for-nothing?

Grandma, forgive me,

I'm in a costume party.

I'm here with my future wife.

Her family organised it so we could get to know each other.

- The girl's whole family are animals.

- I'm not well at all, I think my time has come. Hurry.

- The girl's whole family are animals.

- I'm not well at all, I think my time has come. Hurry.

- Where are you?

- I'm on the way to the hospital, my son.

-Which hospital?

Which hospital are you going to?

- Which hospital, child?

- Numune Hospital.

- She says we're going to the Numune Hospital.

Ok, ok, hang up, I'm coming right away.

I'm coming immediately.

Bring my future daughter-in-law, son, my

daughter-in-law.

- Lie back madam.

- Shut the hell up!

Bring my future daughter-in-law,

otherwise, I'll never forgive you.

Fine, I'll bring her.

I'll bring her to you, grandma.

Please don't worry, just make sure you get well.

Alright, close the phone.

Never mind Recep, keep talking my boy,

I'm using the nurse's telephone.

The bill will go up her ass, not ours.

- Madam?

- What?

- I'll take my phone back please.

- You can't have it.

It's just 2 or 3 lira credit, why are you

so worried, you she-devil?

- Bruv, what happened?

- Something really bad, man.

Where's Hakan?

Take this sh*t off your face!

Walking around with a 'Z' across his face.

I'm telling you, something bad's happened.

They're taking grandma to hospital.

- Alright let's get going, quick.

Yes we must go urgently.

But I also told grandma I'd bring my

future wife with me as well.

- Sh*t, where'll we find a girl now?

- No idea.

We need to go there with someone we know

and trust.

- Yeah.

I've got one or two ideas, Ali Kerim.

- What's that then?

- I've got a very excellent idea.

Hakan, come with me.

My boy,

what on earth is that thing you're wearing?

Grandma, I'm now with high class society.

This is a sign of richness.

To show their wealth, they cover the whole body with fur.

Hakan, Hakan, what is that costume you're wearing?

Have you joined a religious sect?

Hakan, Hakan, what is that costume you're wearing?

Have you joined a religious sect?

No grandma, they gave me a cloak

because I was feeling a bit cold.

My son, have you brought me my daughter-in-law?

Grandma, when have I ever let you down?

Come on Gran...

I always do what you ask,

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