Recep Ivedik 2 Page #8

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to wake myself up.

My mother used to work

in the clothing sector.

In the mraniye neighbourhood.

I will never forget that day in autumn...

...when my mother returned home,

with a bit of bread in her hand.

We were quite poor

so she put...

...two california rolls in the bread...

...and some tempura ebi...

...and we shared it amongst

ourselves and ate it.

I always feel bad when

I remember it.

I always reminisce about those days.

Today I am able to

dine on king-size and...

...queen-size plates.

I've now ended up, after all that, in this good situation.

My mother used to feed me every

morning with Wasabi.

I used to eat so much of it. That's why

I am so robust.

She used to feed me morsel by morsel.

She put a lot of effort into

bringing me up. My dear mother!

My mother!

You see this? This is what the Japanese call

butter.

I eat this every morning.

Look, I spread it onto my bread,

you see?

I take a bit like this.

Then I spread like so.

But be careful! Wasabi

is quite spicy, it might sting.

Spice doesn't affect men like me,

by God!

What's wrong?

But I told you

the wasabi is quite hot, didn't I?

Put some sushi in your mouth.

It will reduce the stinging.

What, this?

What the hell is this?

Nothing, it's just

raw fish. What do you think?

- Raw fish?

- Yes.

What's up with you now?

Go away.

Go to hell!

Disgusting! How much did you eat?

You might as well have eaten the whole

restaurant! You overgrown oaf!

Go to hell!

I am extremely sorry,

forgive me.

Damn your sushi and your wasabi.

Go to hell!

Let me go to the toilet.

Oy! Look me in the eyes when I'm speaking to you.

Look at what happened to me because of you.

The only thing I've never eaten is raw fish

and thanks to you I had to go and eat it.

But what did I do bro?

All I did was to wish you good luck.

Is pepper spray

my good luck, huh?

Is raw fish my good luck, heh?

[mimics] "All I did was to wish you good luck."

"[mimics] I wish you good luck always brother.

Anything for you, anything for you brother."

-"The girl will be like turkish delight, like turkish delight" .

- But she was!

You half-breed Quasimodo.

Just go do your job and ring bells.

Idiot.

You won't find any b*tches on

the internet, it's all bullshit.

We need to go direct to the source.

Therefore in order to find chicks

we must go to places in high society.

Yeah right? And where would that be?

- Yoga for example.

- Yoga?

- Yes, Yoga.

- We're going to do yoga?

Yes we'll go to a yoga class.

You'll find super-hot chicks there.

Fine, take the photo quickly,

then let's go for a drink to clear our heads.

Then we'll go yoga.

- Ok, but brother Recep you're blocking the light.

I'll break your jaw first

then we'll see how I block the light.

You'll be seeing stars and angels,

they'll be saying come, come to us young boy...

...come to us young one, come...

Ay!

Hello? Is no one here

to serve customers?

Welcome sir.

How may I help you?

I'm sorry, I didn't see you come in, love.

I've come to join the yoga class.

Very well. We have a

session beginning in half an hour.

What kind of yoga would you like to join?

- What kinds do you offer?

- We have Feng-shui yoga and Tai-chi yoga.

In that case, I'll choose Tahsin's yoga.

- Are you going to wear that?

- Yes, of course.

I've been wearing this since primary school.

It's high quality genuine, not fake.

I see. Very well.

You may go in if you wish,

my colleagues will assist you.

Cheers.

Good day everyone, welcome.

We are going to learn

the philosophy of yoga to begin with.

Peace be with you, master.

Let's all do our yogas nicely,

and start up social relationships.

Sh*t, everyone here looks like

a corpse. Why the hell did I come here...

Sh*t, everyone here looks like

a corpse. Why the hell did I come here...

Here, please sit down.

One second, I'm

sitting down. Thank you Master.

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Let us greet our new friend.

Ok ladies, yoga is

the art of relaxation and enlightening of the soul.

Is this man always relaxed like this?

Yes, Master Nilgun is always a

calm and relaxed woman.

Yeah yeah, all I see is an idiot.

Where are you from young boy?

Yeah yeah, all I see is an idiot.

Where are you from young boy?

First, we'll begin by

relaxing our muscles.

Our first movement will be the lotus position.

Master, don't chat sh*t, this is just how we sit

cross-legged at home.

No sir, that

cross-legged position you refer to...

...is how the tribesmen of

Central Asia sit.

The Lotus, however, is one of

the principal positions of yoga...

Master, don't try and fool us

with all this talk of lotus-motus.

For centuries everyone in

Anatolia sat like this and never once talked about lotus.

Never mind sir. Now let us move on to

the second movement.

Shivava.

Hold on, this is something else! Just one second

Master, excuse me.

Why are you trying to make us get into these

positions, talking about Chiwawa-miwawa and Central Asia?

This is just the position kids get into

to play leapfrog, Master.

Stop talking sh*t,

what Chiwawa?

It's just the good old leapfrog

we're playing here.

Please, do not interrupt sir.

Master, I don't mean to interrupt, but look

at the state of this Irish boy next to me here.

My God, never again, I must repent.

Oh Lord above, my dear prophet.

Look at what they're forcing us

to do to 'relax' us.

For f***'s sake, this perv's just making us bend over

to look at our asses.

Is this how I'm supposed to relax, Master?

This is too uncomfortable,

how are we supposed to relax like this?

My arms are shaking all over.

Never mind, ok then. Let's return

to our lotus position...

Never mind, ok then. Let's return

to our lotus position...

...and do some meditation

to calm ourselves down.

God, she keeps putting me from position to position

and expects me to stay calm.

Now let's close our eyes...

...and imagine

we're in a forest.

Imagine the birds around us...

They're closed Master.

The butterflies, the flowers,

we are experiencing serenity.

The butterflies, the flowers,

we are experiencing serenity.

Let's sleep.

Let's relax.

Sleep.

Silence.

Forgive me, Master,

I fell asleep, excuse me.

And let us release the evil spirits within us.

And let us release the evil spirits within us.

Let's release them.

Excuse me master,

you're sure you want me to release them?

Release...

Let go of the bad.

What the hell are you doing?

You said let go of my demons,

so I did just that.

Don't say oof-poof,

you've been doing it since the beginning of the class.

You were releasing it onto the mat.

I could hear you from here.

What kind of guy are you, as soon as

your friend gets caught, you start going oof poof!

Enough, that's enough!

Get out! What kind of a dirty man are you?

I swear to you,

you'll regret this Master.

You think you're good or something? Look at you,

with your white hair,

You think you're good or something? Look at you,

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