Recep Ivedik 2 Page #9

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with your white hair,

You look just like Adnan Senses,

it doesn't suit you at all.

You know nothing about yoga,

you know nothing at all!

Me, I learned yoga from a real master.

I got privately tutored

by the 14th dalai lama in person.

Stop talking about master-hasters,

dalai-malay...

Or I swear I'll introduce my shoe-sole

to your face.

Or I swear I'll introduce my shoe-sole

to your face

What dal-lama are you talking of?

She's talking to all of you.

Didn't you hear, she said there

are 14 'dal-lama' [Turkish for pricks] in the class.

Look,two, four, five,

fourteen.

Get out!

Piss off, you Gandalf-wannabe.

Come on Scottish boy, let's go.

Piss off, you Gandalf-wannabe.

Come on Scottish boy, let's go.

Stand up, let's get out of here. Are you with me

or not Scotty?

Let's leave you Scottish bastard.

Let's get the hell out of here.

F*** you.

Look at the state of this place.

I can't tell whether

this is a yoga class...

...or the morgue of Sisli-Etfal Hospital!

As if I'd find hot girls here!

Go on, have fun with these balls.

Get out!

Shut the hell up!

Hey Hakan.

Can I come in? Thanks.

I am in disagreement with

the office workers.

I decided to get your advice.

Should the photocopied documents

be in Times New Roman...

...bold italic Verdana,

Tahoma bold, Arial bold italic...

...or bold underlined or

Times New Roman?

What on earth

are you on about Recep?

Excuse me Hakan sir, what shall I do

with these blank invitations?

F*** your

blank invitations...

We're discussing something important here.

Piss off! Get going.

I saw you at your desk,

flirting with the tea-trolley man!

What were those invitations for

my dear Hakan?

Those were invitations for the grand launch

we've organised for the Japanese.

And tell me why, oh Hakan, I didn't

also receive an invitation?

They're not for you Recep.

What would you do there anyway?

Forget it man, the Japanese

would just be chatting nonsense there. What's more, it's an unnerving atmosphere.

- Why? I am the vice-boss.

- You'll need to wear a tuxedo as well.

What makes you think I don't have a tuxedo,

shithead?

- You've got a tux?

- Of course I have.

- A dark coloured one?

- Very dark.

Fine, then. You can come as well.

Good, may God be with you always.

You are an intelligent man.

- Can I bring a friend?

- Yes.

- He has curly hair, will it be a problem?

- You can bring whoever you want.

Thanks. May God be with you.

Do we have add a "please call back"

to these invitations?

No.

Ok, thanks again.

Good, I'll see you there.

Don't work too hard, you're looking tired.

You look like a raccoon, a raccoon for goodness sake.

Isn't there a better quality shop

than this? This place is quite crap.

Listen, you won't find any better

than this. We're in Modesan after all, you know.

This is my friend Metin's shop. One day,

Metin will make it real big, he'll be the market leader.

Hey hey, my man Recep.

Welcome back.

Peace be with you brother Metin.

And also with you my dear friend.

So how can I help you?

Bro, let me lay it out for you-

I've gotta meet some Japanese...

...so I'll need a smart tuxedo, that'd

suit the atmosphere.

Let me tell you something.

I swear you're one lucky man.

We couldn't tailor such a suit

even if you gave us a year to do it.

But I've got a Japanese suit,

with some designs on the back.

Try it on, you'll see.

When you enter that room,

even if there are one and a half thousand in there...

...all eyes will be on you.

- Alright give me it, I'll try it right away.

- As you wish, right away.

- My friend here also needs a costume.

- As you wish, right away.

- My friend here also needs a costume.

We need to also

find him a good design...

...otherwise he'll feel left out,

unfortunate wretch.

Sure. There's a lot of

clothes here my boy.

It's all on me by the way. Hakan's paid me

my first salary, 200 TL.

Wow, wow, wow. This is one top

class jacket...

Wow, wow, wow. This is one top

class jacket...

Wear it with joy.

Bro, it's texture is excellent,

but isn't it a bit too glossy?

Oh no, not at all. There's nothing else

more original.

Look, it fits

you perfectly.

- Brother, I don't think it's so good...

- And why would you say that, idiot?

You know nothing about fashion.

I am a fashion expert.

Yeah, what do you understand about the world

of fashion? Imbecile, Imbecile!

He is the expert on fashion.

Metin brother, get him out.

What an idiot. What kind of clothes

he wears, no fashion sense at all.

But this is today's youth-

all ignoramuses. Never listen to them.

Look here, this emblem on the chest, this is

the badge of the Prime Minister of Japan.

Turn around. See, the same on the back.

Everyone is going

to be awed by you.

You be sure you wear it to the ball.

Oy lanky, come here.

Now piss off.

Look at her walking in front,

trying to show off.

You know, the jacket didn't look

great in the shop...

...but in here it looks really good on you.

Look kid, I told you, the man was a

fashion guru.

The guy told me:
"the material might not

look that great here,..."

"but when you go to that party,

it'll soak up all the ambience and electricity there...

...and shine it on their faces".

- He was right.

- Of course he was right.

- Would you like some?

- We would. What is it?

- Canap vol-au-vents, sir.

- Canap?

Look at the size of the canap,

but then look at the size of my buttocks.

How would this size of canap

ever fill me up?

Even if you considered just one of my arse-cheeks,

the canap would be nowhere near enough!

Take one.

I'll take some.

- Tastes real good.

- Yeah. Let's try this one as well.

- Your health.

- What is this?

- It is caviar, sir.

- What the hell is caviar?

The eggs of fish.

May God punish you for what you've done!

Piss off! Making us eat the dirtiest part of

fish, we spent a million dollars on catering in this party!

Piss off! Making us eat the dirtiest part of

fish, we spent a million dollars on catering in this party!

- The most disgusting part of the fish!

- What are you doing bro?

You don't expect me to eat

the sh*t of fish now do you?

Sir, they wish to thank you for

this marvellous, wonderful reception.

I'm the one who should thank you.

You came a very long way. Thank you.

Hi l am very big fun of yours.

When your player for the Gullit? Gullit?

Hi! Mrs. India!

where are you yaaa?

- Are you mad?

- For the Kenya?

Meto! Meto! Look!

Look at that man.

It's the logo

of our organisation.

Yes. yes.

That guy must be the underworld boss

of the Middle East!

It must be him for sure.

Sir, they are very interested

in that man over there.

They say they would like

to make his acquaintance.

Recep. Recep. Over here!

- Me?

- Come, brother, come.

What's up Hakan?

These are our Japanese clients,

they wanted to make your acquaintance.

Hiroshi, Makato, Meto.

Nice to meet you Meto, pleasure to

have met you also Makato...

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