Relative Evil Page #4

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It's fat, pure, fluffy.

Come on.

I haven't even stepped

on it yet, man.

Just you and me

and nobody else'll know.

I mean, we used to have

such good times together.

You'll get

your money.

No, you don't understand,

that's not--

Bobby, I used

to f*** up, all right?

I know I used

to f*** up,

but I'm better now,

all right?

I got a job

at the steel plant.

I can keep

a job.

You can work for me.

Just small stuff.

Just little deliveries

until the debt's paid off, huh?

No.

Well, f*** you,

then, man.

I wouldn't let you

wash my f***ing car,

you little prick!

I just need

some time, Bobby.

Your birthday's coming up,

isn't it?

Remember those models

that I used to get you?

[laughing]

We sniffed the glue.

We f***ing did.

We never built

one of those things, did we?

It was the glue.

Aw, man, but I missed

your last one.

I got you this little $20

bottle of scotch.

I figured that we'd get tossed

like we were friends

or something, you know?

And you came over,

and you didn't want

to hang out.

You just wanted to get

your 8-ball and be on your way.

It was all business

with you, man.

Just going off, doing my coke

with that fleabag Lizzie.

How is she, huh?

How is Lizzie?

I haven't seen her.

Yeah, but she must have

wrote, right?

Come down to the center

for some conjugal visits?

Ah! Ah!

[laughing]

Huh?

Bake you

a little cake.

Put a little file inside

so you could break out

or something?

I mean, hey,

what do you need

a fleabag like Lizzie for

when you got a piece of ass

like Dot in the family?

That's disgusting.

Don't f***ing judge me!

I'm going to give you

something really special

for your birthday

this year, JJ.

I'm going

to give you time.

You have till May 3

to give me my money.

That's your

18th birthday.

So don't

f*** it up, okay?

We're not little kids

anymore, JJ.

You know?

We have to learn how to handle

our problems like adults.

But that doesn't mean

we still can't be friends, okay?

So I need you to hold on

to this for me.

Take this.

It's not safe with me

right now.

For Christ's sakes,

I just got out of rehab.

I don't give a f***.

It's yours.

You bought it.

Bobby,

don't leave this

with me.

Feels good

to help out a friend, huh?

You scared?

You scared

of being my friend?

[chuckling]

(Benji)

You don't think it's going

to keep snowing forever,

do you?

Nah, it's spring.

You know,

it can't last forever.

Maybe, um, you can play catch

with me tomorrow--

if it ain't

snowing.

Yeah.

Good night.

Good night, Benji.

There was this epidemic that hit

our school in the 10th grade.

Some miserable, prepubescent

chemistry lab rat

locked out of Daddy's

liquor cabinet figures out

that if you put a handkerchief

in front of your face

and spray the hankie with Glade,

you'd get high, all right?

Real high.

Pretty soon,

a quarter of the school's

got a bottle of air freshener

in their locker, right,

and kids are dropping

like flies.

I mean,

one kid goes blind.

A freshman manages

to sterilize himself.

And finally, they call

this big, huge assembly meeting,

and the principal's standing

in the middle of it all.

He's looking real tired

and embarrassed.

And the first thing

he says to us is,

"I can't believe

I have to tell you this,

"but spraying your face

with air freshener

can have

disastrous effects."

Now, it's sold out

all over town.

And we have to drive

20 miles into the next county

for air freshener.

You never worried

about going blind?

(JJ)

I knew what I was doing.

The other kids can run

a four-minute mile

or play the clarinet.

Yeah, and you were proficient

at drug abuse?

Where do you think

that was going to get you, JJ?

I didn't think

that way.

Oh, I know, yes--

that far ahead.

And everyone had to stop

what they were doing

and watch you

self-destruct?

[clipboard clattering]

Tell us

about Benji.

Benji's going to be

a baseball player.

Going to be?

What, as in

tomorrow?

Benji's got a chance.

Yeah, because Benji

allowed himself a future.

Benji was allowed

a future.

I was ran off

the day my daddy died.

So as long as you were dying,

you had an audience.

That's a pretty

horrible show, JJ.

Now, Benji

shouldn't even be

in a PG movie.

Do you think it's right

he should be made to watch you?

I don't want to talk

about Benji anymore.

[pounding]

(Bull)

Rise and shine,

sleepyhead.

It's whorin' time.

[upbeat rock music]

(Cell-flo)

I woulda come around

if you had only been in.

You were not

as late as me.

You're trying

to fit in.

You gotta lose the halo

and climb out of your skin.

Unhitch--

life's a b*tch

when you're feeling

like a mouse

that the cat

dragged in.

The sun is up.

The day is wasting away.

Gotta make yourself right.

Gotta get yourself right.

Lighter than you

have ever been.

Yeah.

[metal clanking rapidly]

[Bull laughing]

Aw, come on, JJ.

Makes you look

like one of the boys.

To tell you

the truth,

some of them think you only

got that job 'cause of me.

Born with a silver spoon

in your mouth, so to speak.

Breeds resentment.

I'm embarrassed

of my royal lineage.

It comes off,

though.

No, it wears off.

[chuckling]

[coughing]

[snaps fingers]

Hey.

What happened?

Nothing.

An accident.

Accident?

Of course.

Bull, I got--

I got to talk to you.

[water running]

[decanter clinking]

[liquid splashing]

(Ernie)

I think she brought

somebody else in.

What?

She's a very

committed lady.

If JJ wants

to blow his own brains out,

that's one thing,

but if she thinks she's--

She's really

a good girl.

I suggest you put

your pants back on

and get control

of this situation, Uncle.

[footsteps

approaching]

Whoa, look at you.

All dressed

to kill.

Yeah, you going out

on a big hunt?

Uh, Lizzie's

coming over.

We're supposed

to go out.

Uh, I-I can't

go out like this.

Tell her

it's leprosy.

[chuckling]

Pop, you've got

to loan me 20 bucks.

You high again?

All right.

[quiet knocking]

I'll get it.

You're

looking good, son.

You're batting 1,000

in my book.

(Bull)

Hey, you're minding

the store now,

right, Uncle?

Right on top

of the store.

Nothing

to worry about.

Thank you, Ernie.

Oh, look at you.

[quietly]

Hey.

Hey.

[door closing]

What happened?

Oh, it was an accident

at the steel plant.

(Lizzie)

An accident?

(JJ)

Yeah, it's no big deal.

Let me get

your coat.

It's nice

that you're back.

Well, here you are.

Here I am.

[exhaling amusedly]

I thought maybe we could go

get a burger, you know, maybe,

or go to the arcade,

if you want.

How 'bout the Third Base?

You want to drink?

Well, sure, yeah.

We can--

we can do that.

I-I mean, you can--

you know,

drink, I mean.

You just kind of got to get me

home kind of early,

'cause I got this 6:00 a.m.

shift tomorrow.

Get you home?

I don't have a car.

Well, jeez, Lizzie,

we kind of got a problem,

'cause my license is,

like, beyond revoked.

Bobby's got a car.

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