Reno 911!: Miami Page #8

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- We rock.

- Dangle. Can I talk to you?

- You could-

- Yeah. Sure.

You're something to behold

when you are in action.

I'm impressed.

And I have been wrong about you.

I want to make it right.

I want to invite you to

the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

We'd like you to join us.

[Sighs]

Sheriff Wagner...

the Reno Sheriff's Department

isn't just my coworkers...

they're like my family.

But they're also...

the dumbest group of people I've ever met

who weren't legally retarded.

So l- I would like a new family.

And I'd like that family

to be you guys.

- You're awesome. Yes, I accept.

Thank you very much.

- Boys.

Guys, I'll see you!

I'm going, uh, to Aspen.

- What?

- Well, when are you gonna be back?

Uh, won't. Won't be back. I'm taking a job

at the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

- [Wiegel] What?

- You're quittin'?

Yeah. I'm not quitting.

No. I mean, well, I am.

Jim, you're just gonna leave me here?

- No, I'm gonna leave all of you here.

- I love you.

- I know. I know. You've always loved me. It's fine.

- Oh.

I'll see you guys.

Where do you guys ski?

Do you guys ski Ajax

or do you guys ski Snowmass?

- Hold mine too.

- Sure was a good time.

- [Williams] Oh, he's not holding your bag.

- Whoo!

- [Johnson] Hey, Terry.

- ## [Humming]

- What are you doing here?

- Terry was giving tug jobs

on the East Coast out here.

He says he's out here

recording his album.

I am recording my album.

See, I have a violin.

- [Wiegel] Mm-hmm. That's a ukulele, Terry.

- Your mom's a ukulele, Terry.

We're getting on the bus and going back home.

We're not in the mood for your high jinks.

I'm not taking the bus, 'cause

A:
It smells like farts.

B:
I have my own jet, okay,

that my dad bought me for Flag Day.

- I already told you that.

- Terry, you gonna take your limo?

I'll take my limo.

Yes, that's correct.

And my limo driver, Barry Baum.

- Your limo driver Barry Baum-

- That's his name. Barry Baum.

- is gonna take you to your privatejet?

- Here it is. Oh.

Hey, look at my "lim'."

It just appeared.

- Hi, Barry Baum.

- Sir.

- Sir, is your name, in fact, Barry Baum?

- Thank you.

I'm Barry Baum, yes.

You guys want a ride or do you

want to ride in the fartmobile?

- I got shotgun!

- No, let's go.

- Yeah.

- Let's go.

Whoo!

Here it is!

- Super Terry Airlines.

- [Jones] Oh, my God.

- Come onboard. It's so f***ing sweet.

- Holy f***!

- Ta-da!

- Dad.!

- F*** You, Dad.

- F*** you, Dad.

F*** you.

[Laughing]

- Do you like the new album or what?

- I love the new album.

- Listening party. Monaco.

- Oh, sign me up.

- I like the hair. It's so Stamos.

- Thank you. Thank you. Who's your friends?

These are my friends from Reno.

They're the police officers.

Nice to meet you, sir.

You have a wonderful son.

Oh, thank you.

I know I got a wonderful son.

We've arrested him several times

for giving blow jobs on the street corner.

- Quick impression.

- That's you.

Is this, uh, really,

uh, his jet up here?

This is his jet. I gave it to him

as a gift for Flag Day, remember?

I do remember. Oh, that was a great Flag Day.

Probably my best one.

- TheJacuzzi's on.

- We can get a ride?

- Sure.

- Thank you, sir.

- I didn't believe you. I'm sorry.

- It's okay. I love you guys.

- [Williams] Oh, my God.!

- [Junior] Thank you, Terry.

- Oh, wow.

- [Jones] Whoo.!

- [Laughing]

- Whoo.!

Um, as you know, we have, uh...

faced violence and danger

on a daily basis...

- throughout our career, uh, via weapons...

- [Chattering]

Such as knives, shivs, forks,

things like that.

The department wants us

to be aware of something else.

They have issued us, uh...

a requirement to carry Handi sanitary wipes

for the deadly fluids.

####[Humming]

Hi, guys.

[Sighs]

## [Continues]

I'll take it from here.

- Thank you. Thank you, guys.

- ## [Continues]

[Dangle]

I wanna-[Sighs]

I got out to Colorado...

and I went out, uh, and stood...

at the top of a mountain

they- they call Ajax.

And I looked down the mountain,

and I looked at all the runs.

And I could see the way

that the runs intertwined.

- They found out you were a-

- Yeah, they did. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They got a zero tolerance

on that one over there.

I just want to say

I know that, um-

I know that you came back for me.

And I appreciate it.

- We'll talk later.

- Okay.

- Sorry, gang.

- [Dangle] It's okay.

No better way to show your affection

than a quick... wiener cupping.

- Hey, Jim, you know what you

missed while you weren't here?

- What's that?

- Pajama Tuesdays.

- Oh, sweet!

Which, uh, she was only one

who really participated in.

And I think that she did not do it on purpose,

but then tried to play it off as Pajama Tuesday.

[Dangle]

Hey, gang.! Amazing news.

Oh, my God. We have been invited to

take part in Handcuffs Across the Water.

- [Gasps]

- We're going to Scotland Yard!

- Yes.!

- [All Cheering]

[Gunshot]

All week long I've been

looking for this guy.

And he's on my boob,

and he's on my boob forever, you know.

And I don't-

I don't know who this is.

I don't know who this is,

but damn it, Garcia...

- I just thought finally, you know, I can-

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Can come home to somebody.

- My God, I had the same thing

happen to me. L-

Right there.

- Kinda.

- You got a tattoo.

- Please, go on the other side

of the fence. You don't want-

- On the other side of the fence?

I want to find out what

your half lives like. Lulu!

## [Singing]

## [Ends]

- What are you doing?

- Huh?

- What is that?

- I'm giving you what you're asking for.

You wouldn't dare shoot me.

And I'll prove it.

- Holy sh*t!

- Okay, step out of the pool.

Look at you! Wow.

You are, uh, in high school.

Junior high. I'll be 14 next month.

I missed seventh grade.

[Laughing]

Hey! Fourteen! Next month!

- No, well, I'm a whole year older for my grade.

- That's great. Good for you.

- How are you?

- I'm running away from home.

So f*** you and f*** Iowa.

- I'm leaving with my man.

- She's not- She's not- She's

not running away from home.

- Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

- No, no, no, no!

- Come on.

- Is it the uniform? Is it the uniform?

- I can take it off.

- No, no, no, no.

- No!

- I can take it off! No, I'll take it off!

Joe. Joe. Joe.

We'll get in real trouble with this.

I'll be bad.

Look, I'll be your naughty schoolgirl!

- No! No!

- No! That's not really-That's not really funny...

- if you're actually still in school.

- I have on really cute under-

- They're fuzzy hearts.

- No, no, no!

- Touch my fuzzy hearts! No!

- No, no, no!

No.!

Very, very nice to meet you.

You have a very good drive back to Iowa.

- No, no, no!

- Why? [Sobbing]

Call me when you're 16.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Easy. Easy does it.

Easy. Easy. Easy.

Easy. Easy.

Tru. Tru. Easy. Easy. Easy.

Wait. Okay.

I don't know.

I saw this in the movies once.

- It doesn't go like this.

- I don't think- I think I'm

supposed to be where you are.

- Auf Wiedersehen.

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