Richard Pryor: Live in Concert Page #5

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Say!

There's some legs

on my almond.

I said, well don't tell me

about the sh*t,

I didn't have no roaches,

mother f***er,

You're the one got the roaches.

I don't want to see the sh*t,

no, get the f*** out of my face.

My grandmother said,

now, don't say nothing to her.

Said, she old and blind,

she can't see no more,

So she probably

left the oven open

And they crawled in there

last night.

But Richard, you had roaches

just like everybody else.

And they're good, too,

was they, honey?

My father taught me

about like the great outdoors.

You know, he loved like

the woods and sh*t... and nature.

Something... cause I still

dig it today, you know.

I used to love to go,

Like my father would take me

fishing and hunting.

I liked to go hunting with him,

but I hated being the dog.

No, cause my father

didn't have no patience,

You know what I mean

He just lose his temper.

God dammit, chase the rabbit

this way!

Well, what the f*** you chasing

the rabbit back that way!

Get your ass in the car, sh*t!

We arent going to never eat!

Get your ass in the car,

You don't know how

to chase no goddamn rabbit.

But there was something about

nature, man,

And he taught me

to be in the woods

And just the sounds

you would hear

Would be so different.

You ever notice

how quiet you get

When you go in the woods.

It's almost like you know

the gods are there, right,

You be quiet.

Leaves be crinkling

under your feet.

Something about nature, right,

just makes you want to...

sh*t.

And women won't go

to the bathroom outside, right.

Ladies, you won't, will you,

the women.

Say, you want to go

to the bathroom out here, baby.

Un-Un.

No, too much, look, no, un-Un.

Too many things crawling around

could crawl up there, no.

I'll wait till

we get back to the car.

And I say, b*tch, you arent

going to piss in the car!

You better drop your drawers

and piss here.

Cause a man could just whip

that sh*t out anywhere, right,

You know,

all on the tree and sh*t.

You ever write your name

in the snow, you be.

Women still be standing around,

Im not going to do it, un-Un.

I got to go real bad, too.

Okay, Im going to pull my panties

down a little bit.

Okay.

Now, you don't...

don't you do nothing,

don't you be funny.

If you see something,

you let me know.

You're not going to do

nothing funny, are you?

No, baby, go ahead.

I arent going to do nothing,

go ahead.

Okay.

I'll just pull it down

a little bit.

I like to wait till

they get into it, right,

And you go,

somebody's coming!

And women can cut they piss off

like that, whap,

And not another drop come out!

Men, have you ever tried

to stop your piss?

You'll get eight hernias.

You all can be,

Piss will be running down

your leg,

You'll be.

And there's things in the woods

that f*** with you,

You know what I mean?

Like snakes.

Snakes make you run into trees.

They do, right.

Snake!... paw.

Not many black people

get bitten by snakes,

That's true.

Statistically, that is true.

Because black people

stroll too cool in the woods.

They do.

N*ggers be in the woods and be,

Must have a different

attitude about the woods.

They'll be walking.

Snake.

Now, white people

get bit all the time,

Cause they have

a different rhythm.

They be in the woods

But in the woods when you be

hunting deer and sh*t,

You'll be in the woods

and you hear

Say, come over this way,

come over.

,

Say, what the f*** was that?

I don't know.

Come on.

And deer will be

drinking water, right.

And I don't know

how deer ever drink water,

As scared as they are, right.

They be like.

Say, come on.

Come on around this way.

Why in the f***

you going to make two paths,

Just bring your ass

the way Im going.

I know what Im doing,

,

Just walk where I walk.

Well, you'll be upwind,

he'll smell you.

Just bring your...

walk in my footsteps,.

Come on.

Get off my goddamn foot.

You were on my corn now.

There he is.

Beautiful, arent it?

Give me the rifle.

What rifle?

The rifle I gave you

back at the car.

Sh*t, I didn't know you wanted

me to carry the rifle.

If you arent got the rifle,

we in trouble.

How you figure that,

arent nothing but a deer.

I know that,

but there's a bear behind you.

Oh, sh*t.

Which way you going to run.

No, I just want to know

so I don't run over your ass.

So the woods

is something else, jack.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You got to have a certain kind

of persona, though,

To be in the woods f***ing

with them animals and sh*t, boy.

That's they home,

you know what I mean.

You have to be knowing

what you're doing,

Cause you might

be f***ing around

And something grab your ass.

You have to have

a look about you, right.

I mean, you know,

if you look like Leon Spinks,

Then you could get away

with that sh*t.

No, cause Leon could chase some

of that sh*t out of them woods.

Right, the mountain lions

and sh*t,

Did you see the smile

on that mother f***er man?

I hope brother Leon

arent here tonight

And hear that sh*t.

Leon, boy.

Now, that's another n*gger

have bad luck

Be f***ing with him, too.

Right, Leon will be walking

down the street, bad luck.

Leon.

Huh?

What you want to do,

freaky deaky?

Leors a brother

got a lot of heart, though.

He really has, you know.

Gave Ali another shot

at the title and sh*t,

And they didn't want him to.

It makes me feel good

when that happens.

Really.

Cause to me,

I don't think nobody else can

beat that young n*gger, myself,

Cause he just,

Ali didn't really beat him up.

You know, he just

beat him often.

Cause that n*gger

arent been hurt yet.

He don't know nothing

about the pain, not Leon.

Leon was trying

to get the championship

And was cool, too, right.

Every time Leon

started some sh*t,

Ali would grab his ass.

Ali would say, not here, n*gger,

not tonight.

No, lord, every time

you start some sh*t

I'm going to grab your ass

just like this here.

Cause I got to have it

this evening.

So now Im going to let you go,

take that with you.

And Leon figure like,

Leors saying,

I arent got nothing to lose.

I arent got no money,

I arent got no Teefers.

And I definitely arent got

no driver's license.

So what in the f***

can you do to me,

Freaky deaky.

The only thing about it,

I don't like to hear when

white people would be saying,

He dumb, arent he?

And n*ggers be agreeing

with him, though

That's what tickles me.

Be happy for any n*gger

doing anything.

Right, cause there arent

nobody ever said

The heavyweight champion had

to be no entomologist, anyway.

Right.

They say, Leon, what do you do.

I knock mother f***ers out.

That's all he got to do.

Ali, man,

I got in the ring one time

and Ali, man, is awesome.

That n*gger,

I was in a benefit with him

just for fun boxing,

And just to get in the ring

with that n*gger

Your heart go uhh.

No, cause something

make you say, you know,

I'm in this mother f***ing ring

and sh*t,

And does everybody know

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