Ripped Page #4
you're some kind of
ghost whisperer.
I don't know why
you here, but...
We're here smoking weed,
minding our business.
If you're ghosts, how
'come I can't see through you?
Well, there's a simple
explanation for that.
Um, basically it's
because I'm black!
Now bounce, b*tch!
Yo, I could really go for
a bowl of your chili right now.
Oh, yeah that
would be nice.
Yo, I got an idea!
What?
What's the one thing
people want when we're high.
I dunno, but I'm hungry
as a motherf***er.
Exactly!
We'll open up a restaurant
that sells your chili with
weed in it!
That's actually brilliant!
Then when they get the
munchies, they're already there.
And then they eat more, and
then they have more
munchies, and
they keep eating.
They don't have
to go nowhere.
And even if they don't eat
that much, what do people
do when they're high?
They're messy,
they spill sh*t.
They'll spill the chili
and they'll have to buy
some more.
We'll be millionaires.
You just came
up with that?
Yeah.
No sh*t?
I mean you're some kind
of idea entrepreneur if
there's a word.
I'm an idealist.
Where are we gonna get
the money to open up a
restaurant, man?
The bank!
We'll go get a
loan from the bank!
No.
Why not?
There are no other chili
restaurants in town.
Are there?
It's the marijuana aspect.
Sir, weed is legal.
Yes, marijuana is
legal mister...
Weber, but that doesn't
mean a bank endorses it.
This bank is a
conservative organization.
Well I'm pretty sure there
are plenty of banks that will.
Nope.
-Weed?
-No.
Leave.
-I got an idea.
-Mhmm?
Let's leave out
the weed this time.
That's lying.
That's business.
I don't know.
You know they're
eventually going to find out.
Yeah, by the time they
find out we'll be paying
back the loan, and that's
all they really want.
I guess.
Look, you know those
restaurants that sell
paintings?
You think they got a loan
for an art gallery and a
restaurant?
No, they added that later.
That's true.
-But still...
-Yeah, that is true!
But still nothing!
This is the last bank.
Do you want this
loan or not?
Alright.
Let me fix you up.
Ba-bip-bam.
Passed you a wave, fool.
-Badow!
-Oh sh*t, let's go.
The restaurant
will serve chili?
That's it?
That's it.
Just chili.
Such a simple idea.
It could actually work.
Uh, looks like you guys
have really good credit, too.
Not one negative
thing pops up.
Why do you seem
annoyed by this?
Approving a loan means i
have a lot of paperwork in
front of me.
So, we got the loan?
Well, it's not
a slam dunk yet.
The application process
takes a few days and
you'll have to give a
short presentation to the
loan board.
But it looks good?
Unfortunately.
Guess I'll have to start
looking for my pen.
I gotcha!
Badass, right?
What the f*** is that?
Edm, man!
Electronic dance music!
Like skrillex, d-
are you kidding me?
Steve aoki? David guetta?
Dude, get up, get
up, get up, here.
I'll pull some of
this up on YouTube, c'mon.
Watch that.
-Yeah, what is he doing?
-He's killing it!
Doing what?
Slaying it!
Is he leading an
aerobics class?
Yeah, he's loving it up
there, he's like, woo!
But who's
playing the music?
What do you mean? He's djing.
He's uh, playing
the records.
The song just changed.
Uh huh.
And his arms are in the
air. Is he djing with his dick?
Because that, to me,
would be impressive.
Yeah, that would be impressive.
He's a dick jockey.
Can I show you
how to dj please?
Yeah, show him
how to do it.
You keeping it
in your pants?
Yeah, I'm definitely
keeping it in my pants.
What am I, a priest?
Okay.
Uh, where's your turntables?
Go for it.
What the f*** is that?
The, yeah, like
turntables.
Like you scratch
them and sh*t.
No, where do you
put your records?
You, they're in
the computer.
You put all your records
in the computer?
No, well, I mean
the music is, yeah.
And then, I'm confused.
You just, yeah.
There, like,
that's the music.
It's all there. It's...
-And then, this..
-Yeah, you search it, you find
-whatever you want.
-Mhmm.
There it is, and play.
-Play it here.
-Yeah.
And then...
Oop!
Alright, alright!
Here, put this sh*t on.
This is awesome!
This is djing!
Hey!
-H-hey!
-Hey, what's going on here?
Hi.
I see you guys, uh, you
guys met each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You never told me you had
such cool friends, mom.
Yeah. They're cool.
They're really cool.
Just teaching
him how to dj.
Uh huh, yeah.
He's good, he's
really good.
That's great,
that's... that's great.
I didn't think that
you'd meet them so soon.
I thought they'd
be gone by now.
Are you taking off?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, I don't know.
Hey honey, I want to talk
to them real quick, okay?
Can you go to your room?
It's old people talk.
It's, it's really boring.
Yeah, yeah! Of course.
Nice kid.
These guys are
really cool, mom.
They're super cool, yeah. Yeah.
Hi!
Ta-daa!
Hey!
What was the one
thing I told you guys?
You said a lot
of f***ing sh*t. I mean...
I said I didn't want
you to meet my son.
Get it? Remember that?
You guys are
pissing me off here.
It's better to be pissed
off than pissed on.
You're pissed?
Your dad stole our idea!
What?
Starbucks!
That's his
company, isn't it?
What?
My dad has nothing
to do with Starbucks.
Listen, you're not the
guilty party in this.
You don't have
to protect him.
Yeah, he has
nothing to do with s...
I beg to differ.
I'd like to say
something to that.
No, no, no, that's okay.
Well, I'm just
going to leave.
Um, you know that ham
sandwich in the refrigerator?
Is that anybody's
in particular?
Never mind.
So, Reeves and I are going
to open a restaurant.
Really?
Hey, good luck with that.
But, however, uh, due to
bad planning, uh, with the
money, uh, as you can see
we bought new clothes,
hence why I look like
Charlie brown, we have no
money for a motel and we
can't keep sleeping in the Van.
And Brad happened to tell
us about this great guest
house you have out back.
Yeah, no. No, no.
You're not going to
sleep in my guest house.
No, no,l-just
listen, listen. Listen.
Let me finish.
In exchange for letting us
stay, we'll make dinner
for you and Brad
every night.
No.
It's only going to be for
like a week or two and I
understand the whole thing
about role models, but
look, we no longer
look homeless.
That's a good start, right?
We'll be very respectful,
promise not to stay out
late, we won't curse.
Hold on. Fuckity f*** f*** f***.
I just had to
get that out.
No drugs.
I won't stay out late.
Did I mention that?
I may have mentioned it
twice but that's because
I'm not going to do it.
Did I tell you how pretty
your hair looks with the
gray in it?
And I'm not just saying
that to make you feel good
about yourself.
It's very becoming.
Come on, help out
an old friend.
An old boyfriend?
A recent orphan?
That's right.
I'm sorry.
We have history.
I've been inside your...
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