Ripped Page #4

you're some kind of

ghost whisperer.

I don't know why

you here, but...

We're here smoking weed,

minding our business.

If you're ghosts, how

'come I can't see through you?

Well, there's a simple

explanation for that.

Um, basically it's

because I'm black!

Now bounce, b*tch!

Yo, I could really go for

a bowl of your chili right now.

Oh, yeah that

would be nice.

Yo, I got an idea!

What?

What's the one thing

people want when we're high.

I dunno, but I'm hungry

as a motherf***er.

Exactly!

We'll open up a restaurant

that sells your chili with

weed in it!

That's actually brilliant!

Then when they get the

munchies, they're already there.

And then they eat more, and

then they have more

munchies, and

they keep eating.

They don't have

to go nowhere.

And even if they don't eat

that much, what do people

do when they're high?

They're messy,

they spill sh*t.

They'll spill the chili

and they'll have to buy

some more.

We'll be millionaires.

You just came

up with that?

Yeah.

No sh*t?

I mean you're some kind

of idea entrepreneur if

there's a word.

I'm an idealist.

Where are we gonna get

the money to open up a

restaurant, man?

The bank!

We'll go get a

loan from the bank!

No.

Why not?

There are no other chili

restaurants in town.

Are there?

It's the marijuana aspect.

Sir, weed is legal.

Yes, marijuana is

legal mister...

Weber, but that doesn't

mean a bank endorses it.

This bank is a

conservative organization.

Well I'm pretty sure there

are plenty of banks that will.

Nope.

-Weed?

-No.

Leave.

-I got an idea.

-Mhmm?

Let's leave out

the weed this time.

That's lying.

That's business.

I don't know.

You know they're

eventually going to find out.

Yeah, by the time they

find out we'll be paying

back the loan, and that's

all they really want.

I guess.

Look, you know those

restaurants that sell

paintings?

You think they got a loan

for an art gallery and a

restaurant?

No, they added that later.

That's true.

-But still...

-Yeah, that is true!

But still nothing!

This is the last bank.

Do you want this

loan or not?

Alright.

Let me fix you up.

Ba-bip-bam.

Passed you a wave, fool.

-Badow!

-Oh sh*t, let's go.

The restaurant

will serve chili?

That's it?

That's it.

Just chili.

Such a simple idea.

It could actually work.

Uh, looks like you guys

have really good credit, too.

Not one negative

thing pops up.

Why do you seem

annoyed by this?

Approving a loan means i

have a lot of paperwork in

front of me.

So, we got the loan?

Well, it's not

a slam dunk yet.

The application process

takes a few days and

you'll have to give a

short presentation to the

loan board.

But it looks good?

Unfortunately.

Guess I'll have to start

looking for my pen.

I gotcha!

Badass, right?

What the f*** is that?

Edm, man!

Electronic dance music!

Like skrillex, d-

are you kidding me?

Steve aoki? David guetta?

Dude, get up, get

up, get up, here.

I'll pull some of

this up on YouTube, c'mon.

Watch that.

-Yeah, what is he doing?

-He's killing it!

Doing what?

Slaying it!

Is he leading an

aerobics class?

Yeah, he's loving it up

there, he's like, woo!

But who's

playing the music?

What do you mean? He's djing.

He's uh, playing

the records.

The song just changed.

Uh huh.

And his arms are in the

air. Is he djing with his dick?

Because that, to me,

would be impressive.

Yeah, that would be impressive.

He's a dick jockey.

Can I show you

how to dj please?

Yeah, show him

how to do it.

You keeping it

in your pants?

Yeah, I'm definitely

keeping it in my pants.

What am I, a priest?

Okay.

Uh, where's your turntables?

Go for it.

What the f*** is that?

The, yeah, like

turntables.

Like you scratch

them and sh*t.

No, where do you

put your records?

You, they're in

the computer.

You put all your records

in the computer?

No, well, I mean

the music is, yeah.

And then, I'm confused.

You just, yeah.

There, like,

that's the music.

It's all there. It's...

-And then, this..

-Yeah, you search it, you find

-whatever you want.

-Mhmm.

There it is, and play.

-Play it here.

-Yeah.

And then...

Oop!

Alright, alright!

Here, put this sh*t on.

This is awesome!

This is djing!

Hey!

-H-hey!

-Hey, what's going on here?

Hi.

I see you guys, uh, you

guys met each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never told me you had

such cool friends, mom.

Yeah. They're cool.

They're really cool.

Just teaching

him how to dj.

Uh huh, yeah.

He's good, he's

really good.

That's great,

that's... that's great.

I didn't think that

you'd meet them so soon.

I thought they'd

be gone by now.

Are you taking off?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I don't know.

Hey honey, I want to talk

to them real quick, okay?

Can you go to your room?

It's old people talk.

It's, it's really boring.

Yeah, yeah! Of course.

Nice kid.

These guys are

really cool, mom.

They're super cool, yeah. Yeah.

Hi!

Ta-daa!

Hey!

What was the one

thing I told you guys?

You said a lot

of f***ing sh*t. I mean...

I said I didn't want

you to meet my son.

Get it? Remember that?

You guys are

pissing me off here.

It's better to be pissed

off than pissed on.

You're pissed?

Your dad stole our idea!

What?

Starbucks!

That's his

company, isn't it?

What?

My dad has nothing

to do with Starbucks.

Listen, you're not the

guilty party in this.

You don't have

to protect him.

Yeah, he has

nothing to do with s...

I beg to differ.

I'd like to say

something to that.

No, no, no, that's okay.

Well, I'm just

going to leave.

Um, you know that ham

sandwich in the refrigerator?

Is that anybody's

in particular?

Never mind.

So, Reeves and I are going

to open a restaurant.

Really?

Hey, good luck with that.

But, however, uh, due to

bad planning, uh, with the

money, uh, as you can see

we bought new clothes,

hence why I look like

Charlie brown, we have no

money for a motel and we

can't keep sleeping in the Van.

And Brad happened to tell

us about this great guest

house you have out back.

Yeah, no. No, no.

You're not going to

sleep in my guest house.

No, no,l-just

listen, listen. Listen.

Let me finish.

In exchange for letting us

stay, we'll make dinner

for you and Brad

every night.

No.

It's only going to be for

like a week or two and I

understand the whole thing

about role models, but

look, we no longer

look homeless.

That's a good start, right?

We'll be very respectful,

promise not to stay out

late, we won't curse.

Hold on. Fuckity f*** f*** f***.

I just had to

get that out.

No drugs.

I won't stay out late.

Did I mention that?

I may have mentioned it

twice but that's because

I'm not going to do it.

Did I tell you how pretty

your hair looks with the

gray in it?

And I'm not just saying

that to make you feel good

about yourself.

It's very becoming.

Come on, help out

an old friend.

An old boyfriend?

A recent orphan?

That's right.

I'm sorry.

We have history.

I've been inside your...

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