Ripped Page #5

Yeah, I'll be right

here if you need me.

Yeah, okay, no... boundaries!

I...

Okay, look at me.

My son is the most

important thing in my

life, and I'm going to

hold you to your promises.

I promise.

Pinky promise?

Please pinky

promise with me.

Is that your pinky?

I want a promise.

Please somebody help me.

You can stay.

Thank you.

Do you remember when we

used to hold pinkies?

What?

-No, we never did this.

-W-we did this.

No, that's your

other girlfriend.

W-we did some other

stuff, but uh.

That didn't invoke...

I'll see ya later.

So why you tell her we

don't do drugs anymore.

'Cause we don't do drugs.

We smoke weed.

Weed's not a drug.

Weed grows from the earth.

This is the earth

we're smoking.

We're giving back

to mother nature.

Hello mom, welcome

to my mouth.

Besides, we can

still smoke.

We just can't

do it indoors.

Gotta crack a

window or some sh*t.

Can't let Debbie find out.

Oh, and I told her we'd be

cooking for her and the

kid every night.

F*** you did.

Tonight's your night.

I'll cook tomorrow.

Where you going?

She gonna show me

the old neighborhood.

Why can't I go?

'Cause you're cooking.

Wait a minute, you're

f***in' her so you should cook.

Well, if I was f***in' her

that'd be a great deal,

but I don't think she

likes me like that anymore.

What ch...

So so you say you're the

cook and I'll go f*** her.

You know what?

That sounds like

a great plan.

I'll see you

when we get back.

Bye, f***er.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah, that's my sh*t.

Lisa Lisa.

I can't believe how many

times you made me listen

to can

you feel the beat!

Can you

feel, can you feel,

ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca.

-Oh yeah.

-Oh man.

I'm gonna make you

feel that beat.

Oh dear.

Thank god Brad missed

this time in history.

Y'know speaking of

history, what happened to

Brad's, um, father?

Oh wow, that was smooth.

Didn't work out,

short story.

Obviously it

didn't work out.

What's the story story?

How'd you meet him?

What's his name?

Who is this guy?

His name's David, I met

him 14 years after you

vanished from my life...

I mean, I'm 16 years old,

the love of my life drives

away, I never

see him again.

You know, talk about

abandonment issues.

You really screwed

me up, you know?

If I knew you were dead or

that you were kidnapped it

would make sense, but

there's always that

possibility that you...

You hated everything in

your life and you just

wanted to run away.

You run away from me.

And every boyfriend

after that unconsciously

I thought would

abandon me too.

At least that's what my

therapist said when he

broke up with me.

I'm sorry.

I don't know, it's not

like I intended for any of

this to happen

either, you know?

It's not easy for me.

I'm still trying to

comprehend what's going on.

And I didn't mean to meet

Brad, it was an accident.

He just came home early.

Er-did he skip school?

No, don't trip.

Not early like that.

Like, I mean, earlier than i

thought he'd be home.

I-hey, it is hard raising

a kid on your own, okay?

And I worry. That's

what moms do.

I worry that he's going to

break a bone or that he's

going to fall into

the wrong crowd.

He's not going to fall

into the wrong crowd.

Well, you, you

don't know him.

I know you, and

you're his mom.

And with a mom like you

i think he's going to be

just fine.

Thanks.

Oh sh*t, you hear that?

Yeah, I do.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah, no. Don't do it. Don't!

I'm gonna pass you a wave.

Don't do it!

Here it comes! Catch it!

If you don't release that

wave it's gonna come out

in traffic!

Don't, please don't do it!

You're gonna be making a

left turn and whoa!

And then a u-turn.

You can't just have

waves floating around.

Alright okay, okay. Here's my,

here's my move. Go, go, go...

Hey, that's my move.

I call that the

"twist and dash."

Yo, are you ready?

No, I'm searching for my

parents on the computer.

It's called Facebook.

People list a bunch of

useless information.

Like this guy right here.

He's about to

brush his teeth.

Now he's done.

Oh, I got a

friend request.

Oh sh*t.

From Nigeria?

Maybe you have long lost

relatives in Nigeria.

Well, he doesn't look

like anybody in my family

alright, let's go.

Alright.

Oh!

Do I have the

wrong number?

What is this?

Do I, do I know you guys?

Hey, that look like

f***ing Sanchez, doesn't it?

But older and uglier!

- Yeah!

I can hear you!

They created a game where

you can put your family in!

I'm not a game.

That's crazy, that's

better than pac man or

asteroids!

You see that?

I'm not a game,

I'm on the Skype!

He's on planet Skype!

Where is this planet?

Oh!

We're on earth!

What are your coordinates?

Where the f***

is my daughter?

He's on planet Skype and

his daughter's missing!

Oh sh*t!

Oh my god, it's

you two idiots.

We're businessmen now.

Yep.

We're opening businesses.

I thought you

guys were dead.

Anyway, good talking

to you, dirty.

Do not disconnect me.

-Hey, hey, hey, hey!

-Bye, buddy.

Cabrones!

And it's gonna be called

the chili pot, and we're

just gonna serve chili.

Yes.

Just chili.

That's gonna

pay the rent?

20 bucks a bowl.

For chili?

Well, it has a

special ingredient.

It has cannabis in it.

No you're not.

Oh yes we are. It's our recipe.

You are not selling

pot in my property.

Oh, no, no,

sir, it's okay.

Marijuana is legal now.

So are titty bars, but

you're not going to open

up one of them in

my building either.

Who would think thirty

years later there'd be

still be racism

in America?

That had nothing

to do with race.

Are you kidding me?

The guy was white and

he was a landlord.

Man, those confederate

types just don't like us.

I don't think it had

anything to do with us.

It was the weed

he didn't like.

Look, I say this time we

try it again, just like

the bank, but

leave out the weed.

Okay.

-Alright?

-Alright.

Boom!

Dudes!

I don't think

we're gonna have to hide

that part about the weed.

Mm.

Hey, so, everything's

included in the kitchen,

in the rent?

'Cause it looks perfect to

make chili with weed in it.

Yeah, it's all included.

Chili with weed in it.

Wow.

Right on, you know, I once

replaced my bong water

with soup.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was wild.

You know, we'll take it.

I don't know if I have

that bong anymore, man.

-That was like, years ago.

-No, no, no...

The whole place. Rent...

Oh right, cool,

yeah, right.

That'll be a

$5000 deposit.

Hey, can you just,

hold it for us?

We're just waiting on the

bank to give us the money.

No, no can do.

And just so you two know,

i got some other dudes

coming in here tomorrow

afternoon to check out the

place, so you know...

Peace out.

Mm, but peace

though, really.

No, I mean it. Peace out.

I gotta get out of here.

That place was great.

You think the bank will

give us a loan while we're

waiting on a loan?

It's worth it.

We could give it a shot.

Yo, I just realized my

grandparents used to put

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