Ripped Page #6

away money for me every

year, and I wasn't allowed

to touch it

until I was 21.

Oh sh*t!

You look like you

could pass for 21 now.

I think so.

It's gotta be like over

$4000 in that account.

$4000?

Bro, with the combining

interest loans

buried in the dividends...

That's thirty years?

That's gotta be

like $400,000.

Yeah.

You just saved the day.

Mmm!

Guys, this is delicious.

It's my mom's

secret recipe.

What we used to do is make

it all from scratch, then

we'd go to the store and

get some store-bought

chili, put it in there to

add a little flavor to it.

Wait, that's the

secret recipe?

Yeah, was, up until now.

Did you know that Clark

gable ate chili the night

before he died?

Where the hell'd

you hear that?

On goggle.

On.. What?

On the computer, if you

look up, like, you can

stuff words in like

"chili, goggle," and then

-oh, no no, no.

-Uh, goggle...

Google.

Listen, I was, i

goggled last night.

Yeah, goggle

sounds like a word.

It's Google. Yeah, g-o-o-g-l-e.

Google.

Well people spell tomato

different ways too.

What the f*** is a Google?

W-Google.

It's like a search engine.

You search stuff in it.

I didn't look for

a mechanic, okay?

I was looking for chili.

Yeah, you wear goggles,

you don't wear googles.

Or you gotta wear

protective goggles, not

protective googles.

Y-but it, it's not

spelled "goggles."

You don't get drunk and

have beer googles you have

beer goggles.

They're not googgles. They're

not for your eyes.

It's Google, like

g-o-o-g-l-e.

Then what is it for?

-For searching for stuff!

-And what do you search with?

Your eyes.

Checkmate, mother f***er.

Agh!

What's the matter?

What happened?

Ah, I messed up my

arm at the bmx track.

-Bmx track?

-Yeah, agh.

Oh, who went?

All of us. It was fun.

All of you?

What did I say about that?

Well you said you weren't

going to take me!

These guys said they

would, so I said okay.

I wasn't going to take you

because it's dangerous.

It's not dangerous,

it's bmx.

It's fine.

He got hurt!

He's old!

Old people get hurt

doing anything.

Okay, I'll be alright.

You're not helping.

Look, no it's

fine, mom. We were fine.

We went, we had fun, we

relaxed, we were, we were

wearing our pads

and helmets.

-We were fine, right?

-Mhmm.

If it's so safe, why do

you have to wear pads

and helmets?

My house, my rules.

You never let me

do anything fun!

You got, you like, keep

me cooped up in the house

like I can't do anything,

like a fun-killer for

crying out loud.

Hey!

What's with all the helmets

and pads nowadays anyway?

Well that's what you do

now with dangerous things.

Everyone wears

helmets and pads.

Back in the day, the only

people that wore helmets

and pads were retards and

women on their periods.

Oh god, i-I'm raising

three children here.

I think she's on her

helmet right now.

Weber, correct.

Harris.

Can you just tell me

what my account is?

Alright, thank you.

Yo, I had $4,000

in that account.

I had a quarter percent

interest over thirty years.

I've got $4,400.

The landlord guy

needs $5,000.

We're f***ed.

You're gonna need

to sell the Van.

I can't sell the Van, man.

That's my only Van!

It was your only Van.

Once we get the loan,

we'll buy back the Van.

But in the meantime,

we need the money.

But in the meantime,

we need the money.

Who the f*** is that?

Who the f*** is that?

Why are you mocking me?

Why are you mocking me?

It's Brad's iPad, this

thing, it's....

It's Brad's iPad...

It repeats

everything you say.

It repeats everything you say.

I just said that.

I just said that.

Do you want to smoke?

Do you want to smoke?

Well clearly I do.

Well clearly I do.

Look, blow some weed into

it, blow weed into it.

-Now, now what?

-Do you feel high?

Are you a high-pad?

Are you a high-pad?

How much you get?

Seven hundred bucks.

The f***?

That's what I said.

Apparently the guy from

the list of Craig said

that's all he truck is

worth, because, you know,

vintage, and, you know,

cheetos everywhere.

I kind of trust him, too,

because Craig wouldn't put

a list together of

people he didn't trust.

Who the f*** is Craig?

Some guy, he has a list of

everybody's sh*t, and they

just go to him to sell it.

Where do you find this

guy, does he have a store?

I dunno, Craig,

he's on the um...

The Webber.

The world wide web.

That computer sh*t

we were lookin' at?

Yeah, it was like

something about twitting?

Apparently the people

who twit go to face...

I haven't figured it out

but Craig knows everybody.

You can get everything

from skis to a blow job.

Ooh, we should've

gotten blow jobs.

I gotta sh*t.

Try to use the

toilet this time.

Right.

-Hi.

-Hey.

Hi. Does it look like

I'm flying?

It does, superman.

I want to talk to you

about the other morning.

Oh.

You were fine.

No, I was wrong.

You guys have gone out of

your way to include Brad.

And I appreciate it.

And now you're letting him

help with the restaurant

stuff, and,

it's very cool.

Interesting

concept, by the way.

Concept?

Mhmm.

What did he say?

Well, you're only going

to serve chili, right?

That's all he said?

What else should he say?

Nothing.

Nope, nothing.

Dinner tonight?

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

You don't have to

cook dinner tonight.

I'm going out

with the girls.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

No problem.

You guys should take

me bungee jumping

this weekend.

What the f*** is

bungee jumping?

I dunno.

Is that in your underwear?

What the f*** is

bungee jumping?

You know, like when you

jump off a bridge with,

like, a bungee.

Why do you say that like

we should know this sh*t?

Why would you do.. Why

would the f*** you

-jump off a bridge?

-'Cause it's fun.

You know that we're

not white, right?

-Yes, exactly.

-That's not sh*t we would do.

Why the f*** would you

jump off a bridge?

I got to check

with your mom.

I mean, you don't

have to tell her.

Uh-uh, I promised i

wouldn't let you do any

f***in' dumb sh*t.

The f***?

It's bros before hoes.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hey, it's the

best bud guy.

Hey bud.

Bud.

How old is he?

What, are you hitting'

on me, pervert?

I can't conduct business

if anyone around is underage.

You're conducting

business with us, boy.

Watch your god damn tone.

He's 21.

Listen here rockford

files, you take your case

somewhere else.

His parents are midgets.

The keebler family.

That's keebler sutherland.

Keeble it to yourself.

If you have a good

girl, she's a keebler.

Selling chili

with weed in it?

That's brilliant.

You guys are going to

need about ten flavors to start.

I got the super skunk,

og kush, white widow,

blueberry kush...

- Which one's the best?

All of this

stuff is chronic.

Then we'll take all of it.

And those free little

pens that come with it.

My friend, this

is a vaporizer.

Whoa-whoa, watch

that vaporizer.

Whoa, hey, I don't

want to lose my friend.

Your laser...

The force is not with you!

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