Ripped Page #7

It's not a star

trek thing, guys.

Just push down on the

button, inhale and try it out.

Oh, in my mouth.

These new designs, they

let you regulate the vapor

density so you get more

hits per cartridge.

Mm.

Oh, that's good

stuff, hold on.

Smooth.

Oh, hey, easy guys.

You barely have to hit it.

That's what she said.

I'm hitting it

from the front.

Great thing about these

new models, vaporization

only happens

when you inhale.

-So, rule of thumb...

-Mmm!

Use about maybe half

the weed that you would

smoking in a joint.

Half?

And the high is stronger.

Mhmm.

Better high, less money,

and completely healthy.

I tell you what, I feel so

f***ing healthy right now.

Fantastically healthy.

I think I'm

doing mine wrong.

How could you be 47 and

do that without falling?

Age ain't nothin'

but a number!

Okay, okay.

Are you ready?

Well, I haven't

done this in...

I haven't done

this in years, so.

Okay...

-Woo!

-Whoa!

Don't trip.

Why you trippin', fool?

You've got it.

You've got it.

Pontiac or Toyota,

who was that?

Hey guys.

Hi.

This place looks, uh...

Fun.

What's this the

donations jar?

Oh that's for my

friend on Facebook.

Oh, the one from Nigeria.

Yes!

Yes! How'd you know? Nasim!

Yeah, it's a scam.

That is exactly what

nasim said you would say.

It is a scam.

Yeah.

'Cause he knows

it's a scam.

No, he needs a

foot transplant.

Anyway, this is bullshit.

Let's get somebody to

help us paint, man.

We don't have

any money left.

But we have weed.

Weed is currency.

Yo, next time we give

these guys the weed

after they paint.

Next time we

pay 'em in cash.

We don't have any

more cash, remember?

And we don't have

any more weed.

What?

How the f*** are we gonna

make chili with weed in it

if we don't have any weed

to put in the chili?

I know.

That's why I called

the best bud guy.

So, problem solved.

Problem not solved.

We don't have

any more money.

What?

What?

You just now

telling me this?

I just now told

you just now.

Hello!

-Oh sh*t!

-Sh*t!

I have bad news.

Well, just tell me

the good news first.

Oh, there is no good news.

What do you mean

there's no good news?

Well, oh, actually

there's good news for me.

I can't give you

gentlemen the loan.

But you said we

had good credit.

I said it looks like you

have really good credit.

Turns out you don't

have any credit at all.

Yeah, but...

Can't they look at it

like, we haven't missed a

payment in like

three decades?

They could, but they

won't, because that's not

how it works.

Banks don't give loans to

people without credit.

So you brought your big

Wally-happy ass down here,

granola-eatin',

folgers-coffee drinkin',

to tell us this sh*t?

Well, it wasn't a problem.

I had the afternoon free

since I didn't have to do

your paperwork.

Well, I'm gonna go

get some frogurt.

Bye guys!

What a frogin' a**hole.

See, I told you.

Racism is still alive.

Still alive!

We're f***ed.

He can't give us a loan

because we ain't got no credit.

Gentlemen!

All I need is a signature

and a payment and we're all set.

Right, um, about

the payment thing.

A funny thing happened

with the, you know how

business is, you know.

Got the signature,

but the payment...

Can I be straight?

There's been a..

Accounting error.

Yeah, so we're gonna

have to get this on...

Credit?

Credit?

Okay, let me explain

to you something about

credit, alright?

I gave you credit in

the first delivery.

Still haven't gotten

payment for that.

So, when I get payment for

that, you get some more weed.

Look, man. Look around, okay?

We're just about to

open this place, right?

We're gonna be busy, busy,

making money, chili,

money, chili,

weed, everything.

We're gonna be successful,

we're gonna be your number

one people.

We're gonna be your...

Thing!

Economics.

Hold on, hold on,

let me handle this.

Look, you're a

businessman.

I'm a businessman.

Business is how

business is.

That's how this

country was built.

Capiche?

Pilgrims helped

the Indians.

The Indians helped

the pilgrims.

We're just asking for the

same deal the Indians got.

And not my Indians.

The other ones.

Okay, let me explain

to you guys a little

something about the

deal the Indians got.

Pilgrims took their land,

gave 'em blankets covered

in smallpox.

Allegedly.

Smallpox?

That's free.

Weed? Costs money.

No cash, no grass.

What are you, a

f***in' poet now?

I don't need smallpox!

These people, these are

not good businesspeople.

Did you know that Bruce

Lee was actually born in

San Francisco?

I did know this.

I can't believe i

messed up on counting.

I can, you were wasted.

We're always wasted.

Maybe that's our problem.

You're gonna have to ask

Debbie for the money.

Are you f***ing crazy?

Yeah, picture that.

"Oh hey Deb, can I borrow

a few thousand bucks so I

can buy some weed?"

Yeah. She'll lose her sh*t and

kick us out of her place.

We'll end up homeless.

Tell her it's for

something else!

I can't lie to her.

You been lying

this whole time!

Yeah, well i

don't like it.

Listen, she's

against weed.

You don't have

a future, okay?

She's our last hope.

Roll the dice, man.

Hey guys.

Debbie!

-Hey!

-Hey, hello.

Speaking of nice shirts.

-Hi!

-Hey!

So, uh, what are

you doing here?

I took off work early.

Brad told me

you'd be here.

Cool, Brad told her.

Look at that.

Well, I told Brad that i

would take him skydiving.

Alright.

Off to the gym.

You guys have fun.

Okay, well...

Look at you,

skipping work, huh?

Sit down.

It's a beautiful day.

Let's go for a walk.

Alright.

So, you just...

Took the day off

work today? Just like that?

Just like that.

I mean, a few weeks ago i

would've never considered

that, but if my

boss gets annoyed...

So what, right?

I guess.

What changed?

I dunno, I just feel like

i haven't been living my life.

Forgot how to have fun

along the way, know what I mean?

I do.

I do know what you mean.

You have a lot

do with that.

I do?

I'm the reason you

played hooky today?

Yes! I mean look at you, you

don't worry about anything.

So you think I don't

have any worries?

What do you have

to worry about?

Oh, okay. Your secrets again.

We didn't have enough

money to finish the restaurant.

Can't you get a loan?

Well...

Pelican point bank was

going to give us a loan,

but then, we don't have

any credit, so no.

Well, you know what?

There are other banks.

Well, where're you going?

Woop, woop!

Wait, now you

want to dance?

I want to talk!

You're afraid that she's

not going to accept you

because you're a pothead,

and in my book,

that's chicken.

Okay, number one,

I'm not a chicken...

Guys. I got you the loan!

-Haaa!

-What?

My friend Julie works at

the pelican point bank.

She spoke with the

original loan officer, and

he still likes your idea.

No, they already said no

and we don't have any

credit anyways.

I'm gonna co-sign!

Oh! God, no.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah!

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