Robin Hood: Men In Tights Page #4

for each other.

What a combination!

Loxley and Bagelle. Can't miss.

And who are you, sir?

I am Rabbi Tuckman...

...purveyor of sacramental wine...

...and mohel extraordinaire.

Hello, rabbi.

Hello, boys.

Mohel? I've never heard

of that profession.

Mohel, he's a very important guy.

He makes circumcisions.

What, pray tell, sir,

is a circumcision?

It's the latest rage.

The ladies love it.

I want one.

- I'll take two.

- I get one!

I'm game. How's it done?

It's a snap.

I take my little machine.

I take your little thing. See?

I put it into this little

hole here...

...and nip the tip.

Who's first?

I changed me mind.

I forgot, I already got one.

Question...

I gotta work with a much

younger crowd.

Rabbi, you seem to be

on the side of good.

Will you join us

and share your wisdom...

...your counsel and perhaps...

...some of your wine?

Well, wisdom and counsel, that's easy.

But this is sacramental wine.

It's only used to bless things.

Wait a minute!

There's things here.

There's trees, there's rocks...

...there's birds, there's squirrels.

Come on! We'll bless them all

until we get fahsnickered!

Join me!

Let's hear it for the rabbi!

Good evening, Don Giovanni.

It was very good of you to come

at such short notice.

And all the way from Jersey.

Well, it is quite a drive.

But you do realize that Prince John

commanded this to be a secret meeting?

I mean, who are these men?

These are my trusted associates.

On my right, Dirty Ezio.

On my left...

...Filthy Luca.

Now...

...we thank you for inviting us

on the day of your daughter's wedding.

I hope her first child

is a masculine child.

Shut up.

We didn't have our meeting yet.

All right...

...I understand you've been bothered

by this fruit, Robin Hood.

And you want Robin rubbed out...

...eliminated, maybe even killed.

Yes, you put it succinctly.

Suck what?

- Succinctly. It means "perfectly."

- Oh, yeah. I knew that.

Excuse me, Don Giovanni...

...your lizard seems limp.

At my age, you know, sometimes...

Oh, my lizard!

He's just sleeping, that's all.

Charlie. Charlie!

I could have been somebody.

I could have been a contender.

You know, Charlie's got bad breath.

He got excited, you know. Come on.

Normally, I would be so happy

to be of service to you...

...but there is something that weighs

heavily on my heart.

In the years that we've been friends,

England and Jersey...

...never once have you invited me

to your home for coffee and cake.

Or ganool.

Something, you know?

- A g-what?

- A ganool.

It's a pastry with stuffing.

And it's got sprinkles on it.

Excuse me.

I don't understand a word

you're saying.

I just got back from the dentist...

...and they left in the cotton.

I will take these cotton balls

from you with my hand...

...and put them in my pocket.

Whatever.

Your other associate says little.

- He says nothing.

- Why is that?

Because my enemy cut out his tongue.

Good grief! Why?

Because he went like this.

And he didn't like it,

so he cut out his tongue.

Come over here. Go like this.

He can't do it!

I love to tease him.

- Tell me, Don Giovanni.

- That's me. What?

What will you do about Robin Hood?

Listen, I've got an idea.

Tomorrow, you're going to have

your medieval fun and games.

The most important event will be

the archery contest.

Robin won't be able to resist.

Why's that?

We'll make him an offer

he can't refuse.

I was just gonna say that.

- That's brilliant!

- Thank you.

- But...

- What?

You do realize that Robin is

the finest archer in the land?

Don't you understand?

Luca is good, better, best.

Show him your archery medals.

See? I couldn't have said it

better myself.

Now, Luca beats Robin

at the archery contest and then...

...Dirty Ezio makes Robin no more.

"No more"?

You want plain English?

Robin is gonna be dead.

D-E-D...

...dead.

Dead.

You hear him there?

Broomhilde! Broomhilde, wake up!

There's a foul plot afoot.

It's not mein feet.

I just washed them!

Prince John and the Sheriff have hired

men to kill Robin. We must warn him!

Wait, mein lady!

If Prince John should see us...

Right. We'll go out the back.

Right.

Lady!

Broomhilde, I'm going on ahead.

Catch me up!

Come on, lady.

Farfelkugel!

Farfelkugel...

...if I was you,

I would never do that again!

Any questions?

Good.

What are you doing up there?

Guessing.

I...

...guess no one's coming.

Please come down from there.

Twit.

I guess there's a ladder

around here somewhere.

Here we are.

Right.

Oh, sh*t!

I can see!

I was wrong.

Blimey, these are hard to get on.

Let's face it, you've got to be a man

to wear tights.

Will...

...how are me seams?

Perfect.

Every time.

We're men

We're men in tights

We roam around the forest

Looking for fights

We're men

We're men in tights

We rob from the rich

And give to the poor

That's right!

We may look like sissies

But watch what you say

Or else we'll put out your lights

We're men

We're men in tights

Always on guard

Defending the people's rights

We're men

Manly men!

We're men in tights

Yes!

We roam around the forest

Looking for fights

We're men

We're men in tights

We rob from the rich

And give to the poor

That's right!

We may look like pansies

But don't get us wrong

Or else we'll put out your lights

We're men

We're men in tights

Tight tights!

Always on guard

Defending the people's rights

When you're in a fix

Just call for the men in tights

We're butch!

Here.

Allow me.

Thank you.

You're so sweet.

Is there anything I can do for you?

You can get off me.

Little John!

I panicked.

What are you doing here?

Prince John and Rottingham have hired

murderers to kill you at the fair.

You mustn't go.

Well, that's easy. I won't.

I'm so happy.

They were going to lure you there

by having an archery contest.

An archery contest?

Their archer is unbeatable.

Really?

Robin, promise you won't go.

All right, I promise you won't go.

Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute. You said...

- Cool it!

- Chilled.

Come, my dear.

The night is young,

and you're so beautiful.

B flat.

The night is young

And you're so beautiful

Here among...

...the shadows

Beautiful lady

Open your heart

The scene is set

The breezes sing of it

Can't you get

Into the swing of it?

Lady

When do we start?

When the lady is kissable

And the evening is cool

Any dream is permissible

In the heart of a fool

The moon is high

And you're so glamourous

And if I seem over-amorous

Lady

What can I do?

The night is young

And I'm in love

With...

...you!

Oh, my dearest,

I'm ready for that kiss now.

But first, I must warn you...

...it could only be a kiss.

For I am a virgin...

...and could never...

...go all the way.

Unless, of course, I were married.

Or if a man pledged

his endless love...

...to me.

Or if I knew that he

desperately cared for me.

Or if he were really cute.

But my darling, you're shivering.

Are you cold? What are you wearing

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